Want out but scared to be alone

[NEbotherpet]

I desperately want out but the thought of it actually terrifies me. I know I have issues I need to work through and currently on the waiting list for counselling (childhood abandonment, abusive ex, cheated on etc)

But this current relationship has turned into an absolute shit show. The resentment and rage I feel on a daily basis is overwhelming.

We've lived together 3 years, at first as they always are he was amazing. We have a 7 month old baby. In 7 months I have not had one solid sleep of more than a few hours at a time and when I do get her to sleep for a decent amount this selfish arsehole wakes me up for some random reason and thinks it's funny.

He is addicted to the PlayStation, on it as soon as he wakes up, until 4am, he can ignore the baby crying. There have been times when I've left baby with him, went to clean the kitchen, babies crying and crying I go back in and just as I'm walking in he's then getting up to pick her up. It's ridiculous.
He works but recently has been ringing in sick for nothing and again spending every minute on this PlayStation. He doesn't talk to me, can't have a conversation with him without being called a smart ass, if I try and bring up these issues to him he will either call me dramatic, a clown, or just plain ignore me. I can be upset talking to him and he will just blankly stare past me on the game, or watching YouTube videos. As if I'm invisible.

3am he came to bed last night, this morning he's woke up not said a word to me went downstairs and is on the PlayStation, despite disturbing the baby so he's sat downstairs would definitely be able to hear her crying but yet again has left me to ch he nappy make bottle etc.

Honestly there's nothing more unattractive than a grown man sitting getting his fortnite character to dance.

That reminds me, he's told me he can't afford Christmas presents this year, so will buy the baby something in January. He asked me for £25 for a fortnite skin last night! He knows my maternity pay is reducing every month and I don't have much, what I do have spare I've bought Christmas presents with.

Honestly I'm at my limit now. But absolutely terrified to make the step and end it. I don't want to be alone but this is no relationship, I just wish I had the strength to tell him to fuck off.

Smart ass I meant to put, not asset.
Sorry, tired and didn't even check what I'd wrote

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea

The worst feeling is to be in the same room with someone and feel lonely. You can do this. You can do it right now. Do it for your little girl, so she grows up strong and full of her own self worth - this will never happen with this man in her life every day. He's already devaluing her (as he does you) by ignoring her crying.

Get rid now while she is still so little as then you wont have to give him any overnights stays with her. And to be honest, with such a lazy waster, I doubt you'll be bothered by him much once he's gone. But do put in a child maintenance service claim so he does have to contribute to his daughter financially at least.

You can do this:

"Sorry but Im not in love with you anymore and this relationship is over. I am giving you until Christmas to find a new place, and I want you gone by then."

And stick to it, because once he sees his gravy train disappearing he will start to behave and it will only be a temporary act... so don't fall for it. Be free and give yourself and your daughter a chance to have a decent man in your lives one day.

I'm going to say exactly this although I don't want him here that long

This thread has helped me more than you think, I feel stronger. I'm going to do it

Thank you everyone

Waking you up and the silent treatment is a form of abuse

Get this fcker out

Pack his bags

Out the door
Locks changed

Sorry but NO WAY SHOULD YOU TAKE ANY MORE IF THIS

@Queenie6655

Waking you up and the silent treatment is a form of abuse

Get this fcker out

Pack his bags

Out the door
Locks changed

Sorry but NO WAY SHOULD YOU TAKE ANY MORE IF THIS

Really this is just the tip of the iceberg. I know I deserve better but most importantly so does my daughter.

Fuck letting her grow up and thinking being treat like this is ok, I need to be a strong woman to raise a strong woman

Good luck OP. You hold all the cards - I wouldn't give him until Christmas to leave - God knows what he will do if he knows you are going to put him out - the next month would be hell - just get him out now, and warn him that any nonsense and you will call the police.

No contact. I wouldn't worry about him wanting to take the baby overnight etc - he shows zero interest.

And of course you can

I was struggling so bad

Days where he was a demon

One or two nice days a month

Was hell

The people on here spelt it all out to me

Please get the fcker out

It's your home right?

It will get worse
Do it ASAP xxxxxxxxx

@Queenie6655

And of course you can

I was struggling so bad

Days where he was a demon

One or two nice days a month

Was hell

The people on here spelt it all out to me

Please get the fcker out

It's your home right?

It will get worse
Do it ASAP xxxxxxxxx

How did your ex react? Dreading it but actually the atmosphere can't get any worse

It's weird though, im lying with my daughter while she naps, he came upstairs kissed her on the head then kissed me on the head. I didn't speak or look at him. Now back to the PlayStation.

It's total mind games isn't it, this was after a couple hours worth of silent treatment

Wait till he goes out next time and change the flipping locks! It will never get better than it is at the moment.

You are all so right, i just feel terrified to do it because I don't want to share my daughter with him, he won't look after her properly alone if he has her overnights etc. I can't bare the thought of it

Happily, men like him are unlikely to actually step up and take responsibility for their child so even if he does an 'I want 50:50 custody' speech he's unlikely to follow through.

He'll be perfectly happy in a grotty room with the curtains drawn playing on his PlayStation and telling people he doesn't know why you left him.

But you know. It's because you deserve more and because you simply couldn't live with yourself if you raised your daughter in such a toxic environment.

You must follow through.

I agree with PP tell him he has until 1st Jan to be physically out of your house. It's a full month, giving him ample time for him to look for places and organise a back up plan e.g friends / family spare rooms or sofas to bridge any gap between him moving out of yours and into a new place. Do not budge on the dates. Rinse and repeat 'you need to be moved out completely by 1st january' if he moans either grey rock or have stock phrases 'I'm sure you'll find somewhere, you need to be gone by 1st january' / 'oh well, regardless you need to be gone by 1st january' that you can rinse and repeat.

Put the deadline in writing so you have a formal record of it.

@NEbotherpet

You are all so right, i just feel terrified to do it because I don't want to share my daughter with him, he won't look after her properly alone if he has her overnights etc. I can't bare the thought of it

Judging from his current behaviour it's unlikely that he's going to want to look after her overnight anyway.

Sweetheart, you can't carry on in a relationship with this dreadful man. It's your place. You pay all the bills. He needs to leave, doesn't he?

You are a strong young woman and a great mum with your own home. He is a lazy wastrel cocklodger. Get rid of him. You really have got this.

It's weird though, im lying with my daughter while she naps, he came upstairs kissed her on the head then kissed me on the head. I didn't speak or look at him. Now back to the PlayStation.

It's total mind games isn't it, this was after a couple hours worth of silent treatment

It's so you can't say he's completely ignored you both etc because he'll say "I came to kiss you and you ignored me"

He will make my life hell if he has to stay here another month knowing that's it over. These replies are so nice, I really appreciate them it makes a big difference

I don't know wether to say go now or give him time. I've been talking to his sister about it, she's disgusted. She likes in a different country though and has invited me and the baby there

Can you call a solicitor tomorrow to ask how best to get him out of your house ASAP if you think he would be unbearable for a month if given a deadline? A call with a decent solicitor to advise could be worth its weight in gold.

Just tell him to leave by the end of the weekend. He has no right to be there so he can just pack up and go, then change the locks.

Actually I would get 1. Police advice 2. Legal advice.

You are in a strong position as you own the home and are not married.

But do not let the stupid ‘gung ho’ Change the Locks brigade influence you. They are not being irresponsible with their postings.

You could even ring Womensaid to get help to go about this - to minimise emotional and security risk.

He’s a fuckwit who cannot be a proper father. . Given your background being NC with your parents, it’s probably not surprising. Are they similar? You can ponder that later - the main thing is to fix yourself up at home nicely with your baby - maybe in time for a lovely Xmas with said bambino .

Sorry, those poster ARE being irresponsible. Get police advice and legal advice and Womensaid advice! Knowledge is power.

You don't want your daughter growing up thinking yours and his is a normal loving relationship, use that as your motivation.

You want her to grow up woth a warm, loving home life. Not a cold, quiet one!

“The house is mine only, I pay all the bills everything is solely in my name.”

This changes things completely! Just tell him it’s over and he has to leave.

OP don’t listen to people who are throwing out advice irresponsibly and know nothing legally and are just guessing. Get proper legal advice. This will strengthen your hand when you discuss him leaving or make such plans.

He's not a man or a partner, he's a man-child. Why are you happy to accept these crumbs? Get rid and leave him to his Playstation, you will be so much happier for it.

Oh god kick him out and change the locks - you will feel amazing!!!

I'm rooting for you OP! And excited for you!

Hey op. He's worse than useless. If you were to split up you would have to pay less council tax and may be entitled to some benefits. Plus he would also have to contribute.

Sack him off. He's awful.