Divorcing but staying friends.

[Panacotta]

Has anyone managed this?

How is it done with as little damage to a family as possible?

Yes!!!

I am friends with kids' dad but it was hard for a while

My children were 19, 17 and 15 when their dad and I amicably split. We decided between us what we wanted then I appointed a solicitor but shared with him every step - he actually thanked me for warning him that when the forms arrived detailing his 'unreasonable behaviour' (total fiction btw) they sounded so much worse in solicitor-speak !! He came to our house for that first Christmas, was always welcome but as the kids were older we didn't really have to do the 'sharing 50/50' stuff which was great. He was generous financially although this was a little controlling too.

Once he got engaged and then married again less than 3 years after we split up it coincided with the financial 'deal' ending and we now only communicate through email or text about the kids. I find it hard to spend any time in the same space as him as he's become a bit of a buffoon and really irritates me .

So yes it is possible to be amicable but only if both parties agree and keep each other informed every step of the way. And beware of the solicitors and judges who can't believe that any agreement is amicable and will throw in curve balls left right and centre which just muddy the waters

@mswales how old is your eldest now? Ex and I were both holding out for a second baby and doing it as coparents rather than a couple is something we’ve talked about-it’s too soon right now but I’m interested to hear more from you about how this game about.

Civilised co-parents? Yes, that can happen.

Friends, though... the thing is, friendship, for me, requires trust and respect. So if there's been any infidelity, lies or dodgy/manipulative behaviour during the divorce process then its a no-go.

Maybe if you get an heart-felt statement of honest contrition... but that rarely happens, in my experience.

I would like to have stayed friends with my ex H in my early 30s but because I was the one who wanted out and he was with someone new within 3 months (he's a good looking guy) it didn’t happen— I became the enemy sadly and the new partner clearly wasn’t keen on my being friends either— it’s not always possible I’ve found- even if you might want it

Eldest is 4. We separated just after he turned 2, took us about a year to get to a really good place, thought/talked about a second for a long time, got pregnant when he was 3 and 8 months. Happy to answer any questions!

My DP co-parent really, really well. I wouldn't say they were friends because if they didn't have children they wouldn't talk.

I really admire them both for managing it, I never managed it.

I think it helps that DP is very financially supportive, paying around half is wages.

Me and my ex dh go out once a month for a meal and catch up. We're great friends . Our kids are adults now .