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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH left

29 replies

bento · 14/11/2004 19:37

Lurked around MN fo r a while found it really funny and kept me sane sometimes knowing others are in similar situation to myself, never posted before though and never imagined I'd ever be posting anything like this.

Sorry if its rambling and for any typos but crying as I type.

DH has been happy for a while tried AD a bit back and couldn't get on with them, decide he would tried to deal with things without them. He seemed ok for a bit but over the last few weeks he's been increasingly distant, spending longer at work, not really 'there' when he is at home IYKWIM. Anyway this morning he told me he wasn't happy which I already knew and that he wanted to leave. There's nobody else involved he's just unhaapy, admitted himself that he doesn't think he'll be any happier single, just needs to find out for sure! I told him if needed to go then to go as I do want him to be happy, I'd just rathe rhe he was happy at home. He's gone to a friends, I'm so scared he's not going to come back. Was fine while, well not fine but coped while ds's were up but know they've gone to bed, I'm falling apart. sorry can't type anymore cryng to much

OP posts:

tammybear · 14/11/2004 19:39

oh bento, im so sorry to hear this. sending you lots of hugs your way. do you have family or friends nearby that can spend time with you and help you out with ds? xxxxx

MummyToSteven · 14/11/2004 19:41

hi bento, sorry you are going through a rough time atm with your husband. have never really been in this situation, but didn't want to leave your post unanswered, but hopefully someone will come along soon with good advice for you. do you think that your dh would be willing to go to counselling (either relationship counselling or counselling to help him feel happier). what sort of support do you have atm? do you have any trusted friends/family members that you could discuss this with to get supportbabysittingshoulder to cry on etc?

spook · 14/11/2004 19:42

Oh Bento honey. You've done so well to keep it together for the sake of your DS's. It sounds like DH just needs a bit of space to get his head together away from day to day life and the realities of HIS life. The only advice I can say is just sit back a while and hang on in there. He will hopefully come to his senses soon enough,acknowledge that he needs a bit more halp or at least come home and talk things through with you.
At the moment nothing you can do or say will help him I don't think. Give him a day or two to work it out a bit (absolute torture though I know it will be) then you can work it through together. Maybe being with a friend will help him put things in perspective. Big big big hugs honey {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}

Chandra · 14/11/2004 19:49

Many hugs bento, I agree with Spook. Just wanted to add that you have done something very brave in letting him go if he didn't feel happy. curiously, that's the sort of action that keep men coming back. I trust he will return soon, sometimes a bit of distance is necessary to see the things more objectively. many hugs and lots of patience. Keep posting please.

Original poster

bento · 14/11/2004 19:53

thanks for your replies.
Dh hfter as a counselling session booked for begining of December. The friends he's with will look after him, he talk about going to a hotel, but I would't let him. didn't trust him to be on his own. Kept telling him he hadn't done anything to make me want him to leave and he could come back when he was ready. He's just so negative about everything, part of me is releived that he's gone because all th enegative comments were starting to get to me. I think part of me is scared that I might find I like apart. Can't beleive I just wrote that!

OP posts:

Hulababy · 14/11/2004 19:55

(((hugs))) So sorry. Others here will have much better advice than I can offer. Thinking of you.

unicorn · 14/11/2004 19:57

bento don't feel guilty, negative people can be very wearing, a break is probably what you need too so that you can try and gather up some strength again.
Try (if you can) look on this as a positive step to improve the current situation?

edam · 14/11/2004 20:01

So sorry Bento. No advice, just lots of

ja9 · 14/11/2004 20:02

bento,so so sorry. you're in my prayers.
xx

Original poster

bento · 14/11/2004 20:03

DH just rang to say he wants to come round and talk, did plenty of that hi smorning. Feeling really scared now. should be home? in about an hour, think its going to feel like a very long hour.

OP posts:

tammybear · 14/11/2004 20:07

good luck bento, will be thinking of you, and do come on here when you can to let us know how it goes.

JuniperDewdrop · 14/11/2004 20:08

thinking of you bento ((((hugs))))

Kayleigh · 14/11/2004 20:11

Good luck Bento. So sorry you are going through this. I hope it all works out ok for you.

Original poster

bento · 14/11/2004 20:12

thanks for all the hugs really glad I plucked up the courage to post.

OP posts:

maomao · 14/11/2004 20:15

Lots of hugs, bento.

MrsMiaWallace · 14/11/2004 20:21

just switched on for a little while and read your thread, how did your chat go? is he still there? hope things are going well!

spook · 15/11/2004 14:33

Bento-how you doing ??? We're all thinking of you.

MarsLady · 15/11/2004 14:38

You have my prayers bento. i know that it's not an easy time. Hope the chat went well yesterday. Lots of hugs.

cockle · 15/11/2004 14:39

Oh bento, I'm so sorry. Big hugs.

WigandRobe · 15/11/2004 19:26

Message deleted

Hausfrau · 15/11/2004 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

bento · 15/11/2004 21:34

Just wanted to thank youb all and update you on the situation. DH and I had a good chat last night and after talking to friends he came to the conclusion that he wasn't ready to leave and wanted to try and work on the problems we are having. Really pleased he came to this decision as last night made me realise just how much I love him. So hopefully things are going to improve, I khow it won't happen overnight, still feel very scared, but feeling far more positive than last night.

Thanks to all of you who replied, it really helped.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 15/11/2004 21:35

Good luck. I really hope all turns out well for you

Hope you keep posting on MN too

tammybear · 15/11/2004 21:38

glad to hear it, good luck and hope things work out well for you

Joanna3 · 16/11/2004 10:27

Bento, just read this. I really feel for you as I know what it is like to be in a struggling marriage. I hope so much that you sort things out. IF your dh still loves you then there is every chance you will be able to work things out. My dh was a depressive and said he wanted to leave when ds was 1. I persuaded him to stay but then a year later, after I thought we were getting on better he just told me the marriage was over and left. We are now divorced. So I would say that you should definately work on the marriage - especially the bedroom department!! So many people have told me that once the sex stops the marriage soon follows. BUT please make some backup plans in case things go wrong, i.e are you working, will your family support you. If the worse comes to the worse you will get through it but I hope you are one of the lucky ones.

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