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Original poster

Online dating.. Too good to be true or a red flag?

47 replies

Livandme · 29/11/2021 00:05

So joined a site a few weeks ago.
Lots of dodgy messages, some plain weird ones. Few chats going on.
Was meant to meet guy A couple of weeks ago, then got ill so couldn't.
Been messaging off the site and spoke on the phone a couple of times.
Seems bit needy so didn't invest further.

Guy B randomly messages. Not physically my cup of tea but localish. Have been messaging. Really funny. Was due to meet up today but weather meant we couldn't, have rearranged for later in the week.
He sent me a screenshot of him pausing his membership as he's not interested in meeting anyone else. "I'm a one woman kind of guy". Not even met him, so wouldn't expect this at all.
Is this normal? It's my first real experience of online dating so only know of experiences of others. Mainly bad tbh.
Is this normal? Am I overthinking this?

OP posts:
TowandaForever · 29/11/2021 00:12

Some people do multiple conversations/dating. Some people prefer to concentrate on one person at a time.

I would say don't feel you have to do the same as him!

HunkyPunk · 29/11/2021 00:12

Have no experience of old, but sounds like he wants to prove to you that just because your plans were scuppered, he’s not on there looking for someone else. Sounds quite genuine to me, but no doubt others will say it’s dodgy!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/11/2021 00:44

It would be way too much too soon for me but I appreciate others may feel differently. The guys I dated who started out like this ended up being intense, needy and 'nice guy' entitled / angry when it didn't work out. Again, just my experience.

Animood · 29/11/2021 00:46

Needy and weird if you ask me.

If he wanted to just speak to you he could do just that without telling you about it.

Daft really for him to behave like this.

Coviddy · 29/11/2021 00:47

Needy, weird.

CheekyHobson · 29/11/2021 02:55

Yeah, it would be at least an orange flag for me. I feel like it suggests an expectation of 'I am prepared to commit to a near-stranger rapidly so I'll expect you to commit just as rapidly to me'.

Read up a lot on love-bombing and future-faking so you have the signs in mind. If anything else starts popping up, it's a bad sign.

CheekyHobson · 29/11/2021 02:58

Message back saying, "Oh, it seems rather early days for that! I am completely happy for you to be meeting others while we get to know each other, as will I be" and see what sort of response you get.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/11/2021 03:24

Too much, too soon, too intense, too creepy. Fucking hell, what was he thinking telling you that before you've even met? And a screenshot to prove it?

Red flags all over the place.

samesign · 29/11/2021 03:45

Proceed with caution, it does sound a bit intense to pause his account before meeting you, proving he's paused is also odd, he may not be in the most healthy mindset if he thinks you may disbelieve him.

Worst case he's not single and wants to hide his account from being caught out.

Only meet if you have a good feeling about it.

Bbub · 29/11/2021 03:45

Agree with a PP, look up love bombing and future faking. Even if this guy is genuine it's a weird way it go about it. Certainly don't restrict yourself just because he says he is.

I've had so many dates that were a flop even if the convo was good before hand, there's no way I put all my eggs in one basket anymore

SexyNeckbeard · 29/11/2021 03:55

It was after date 3 that my now DH and I had the exclusivity chat - before even meeting is way too weird and intense

Atmywitsend29 · 29/11/2021 04:18

I'd find it weird. It's way too soon for that kind of declaration. Agree with PPs regards love bombing etc.

I met dh online dating, we talked and texted for 3 months before meeting, and only had the deleting tinder chat after date 3 or 4. To declare exclusivity before even meeting is weird, and intense. Reminds me of the freedom programme, "declarations of love or feelings too soon into the relationship" etc, also comes across like he's hoping you'll give the same gesture. Much flags.

Weatherwax13 · 29/11/2021 04:32

I'd be very uncomfortable with that given we'd not even met. He can obviously choose not to talk to anyone else. But why tell you - and send proof?Hmm Presumably waiting for you to respond that you're doing the same. Nah

Accidentgirlfriend · 29/11/2021 04:38

Is he wanting you to do the same ? He could be seeing how easy you are to control and see if you do what he wants you to do . So by him doing this he may “suggest” you do the same . He’s definitely needy , maybe controlling too …. Keep your eyes open !

RedRobin100 · 29/11/2021 04:43

It seems a bit much before you’ve even met… but give him the benefit of the doubt until you do?

Maybe he’s just trying to show he’s keen (but. It does seem a bit much so just keep your head on about him)

SinoohXaenaHide · 29/11/2021 05:01

It's at least an orange flag. Definitely weird but might just indicate a naive belief that this action would be taken as a romantic gesture. Be cautious.

Donotgogentle · 29/11/2021 05:37

“I'm a one woman kind of guy".

You’re not his woman and he’s not your guy. Too much.

Danceswithwhippets · 29/11/2021 05:40

@CheekyHobson

Message back saying, "Oh, it seems rather early days for that! I am completely happy for you to be meeting others while we get to know each other, as will I be" and see what sort of response you get.
Perfect advice.

There are two possibilities -either he did and immediately reinstated it (so is not telling the truth), or he did and has left it suspended.

Either way it is inappropriate for someone you've never met, and is an indication of being needy, intense, over-investing, or manipulative.

An amber light.

Mermaidwaves · 29/11/2021 05:53

Not right! He's overinvesting as he's never met you or he could be lying! What he's implying is that he doesn't want YOU talking to anyone else, probably realises that sounds OTT so has gone about it like this, tell him it's way too soon for that or better yet move on from this one.

Momijin · 29/11/2021 06:32

I would proceed with caution. And when I dated I paused talking to other people when I was interested in one particular person but that's because that's the way i am and i didn't tell the person I was talking to that I did. Speaking later with my boyfriend, it turns out we both did the same.

MyOtherProfile · 29/11/2021 06:35

It's not necessarily a red flag. You won't know until you meet. It might just be that if he met a woman in person first he would see how things go with her rather than also going for dates with other women. I would be happy with that.

Aphrodite31 · 29/11/2021 06:37

I wouldn't meet him now.

FlamesEmbersAshes · 29/11/2021 06:38

@CheekyHobson

Message back saying, "Oh, it seems rather early days for that! I am completely happy for you to be meeting others while we get to know each other, as will I be" and see what sort of response you get.
Perfect. I would send this and see what he says.
Cornonthecobblers · 29/11/2021 06:42

I can’t think of any good reason why he would do that. Good suggestion from CheekyHobson

littleburn · 29/11/2021 06:48

If he chooses to just focus on you for now because you're getting on so we'll then that's his choice and not necessarily a red flag. But telling you that and - bloody hell - screen shotting it is a big red flag! Way too much expectation and pressure from his side! Wonder if he'll get stroppy if you don't acknowledge it and do the same?

If he doesn't put pressure on you to do the same I'd still meet up to suss him out in real life, but be aware that he may be very needy and don't feel pressured to go along with anything if you're not feeling it just to 'be nice'.

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