Online dating.. Too good to be true or a red flag?

[Livandme]

So joined a site a few weeks ago.
Lots of dodgy messages, some plain weird ones. Few chats going on.
Was meant to meet guy A couple of weeks ago, then got ill so couldn't.
Been messaging off the site and spoke on the phone a couple of times.
Seems bit needy so didn't invest further.

Guy B randomly messages. Not physically my cup of tea but localish. Have been messaging. Really funny. Was due to meet up today but weather meant we couldn't, have rearranged for later in the week.
He sent me a screenshot of him pausing his membership as he's not interested in meeting anyone else. "I'm a one woman kind of guy". Not even met him, so wouldn't expect this at all.
Is this normal? It's my first real experience of online dating so only know of experiences of others. Mainly bad tbh.
Is this normal? Am I overthinking this?

The pros of online dating are that it can lead to meetings in a faster and easier way than any other form of dating. The cons of online dating are that there is no physical contact between the two people and these relationships may not turn into a more substantial relationship.

All it would make me think is that he'd done it before, I don't even know how to suspend by OLD account, once I'm talking to someone and we then move to chatting off OLD I just stop going on OLD no big dramatic suspension of the account.

I met someone for a drink 6 months ago, and he got the humpthat I hadn't suspended my account before meeting him. He was very full on after the meeting and I had say sorry but no, he didn't take that well either

Oh god, this would have me running for the hills 😱

Huge red flag...for all the reasons already stated here.

Those saying they'd be happy about this, or not worried, have either not had much experience of OLD or are very naïve about it!

Creepy, manipulative, controlling behaviour designed to see if you are an easy target for further controlling!

Run fast OP...and don't even bother explaining to him, just block and move on!

He's obviously not a multi tasker.

Thanks all, I'm proceeding with caution. I haven't suspended mine and he hasn't asked about it and I haven't said anything.

Told friend in rl and she said that she thinks he wants me to know that as date had to be postponed he still wanted to proceed and wasn't trawling round looking for other options til we could.

I've looked up love bombing and future faking. Definitely been love bombed before in my 20's and he turned out to be abusive so I do have my wits about me on that as best I can.

Thanks for the advice all

@dotsandco

Oh god, this would have me running for the hills 😱

Huge red flag...for all the reasons already stated here.

Those saying they'd be happy about this, or not worried, have either not had much experience of OLD or are very naïve about it!

Creepy, manipulative, controlling behaviour designed to see if you are an easy target for further controlling!

Run fast OP...and don't even bother explaining to him, just block and move on!

😱 Will bear in mind as I have no online dating experience..

I think the message response suggestion is great too, light and to the point. Privately I would be very wary. You have not met yet, you didn't say if you even spoke on the phone or video chatted. Yet he is proving he's paused his membership? It's too soon and is not normal tbh.

This would put me off meeting him at all tbh, totally bizarre. In my experience of online dating (for which I've had plenty!) you've absolutely no idea if you'll have chemistry until you meet each other. I get you can think you only want to be interested in dating one person but the fact hes paused it and told you would have me running a mile

Creepy.

There are no rules. There is no external locus of evaluation. You can't consult MN every time your date does something that makes you go 'Huh?'

Your feelings are the rules. If you're doing the 'This feels a bit weird to me, but perhaps I'm just being a bit silly/oversensitive/overthinking' thing, you are treating your feelings as if they are something that ought to be over ridden by something else; something that knows how sensitive you should be, how much you should be thinking about this, what the definition of 'silly' actually is.

Behaving this way towards our feelings is how we end up in abusive relationships. It leads to 'He verbally/physically abused me, but it was my own fault for being so silly and I really shouldn't be upset about it.' We never get to this stage if we respond to our feelings at the stage you're at now. 'This feels weird, so I'm backing off.' And that's all you need to know about boundaries. It doesn't matter how much experience you have or haven't got in the dating world. The 'right' way to do it isn't to follow a set of rules that you need to 'get the hang of'. The right way to do it is to listen to your instincts. Listen to that question mark that you've already got with this guy.

The right guy for you will not do things that make you feel question marks. You won't have to question yourself and your feelings, because the feelings will be good. Anybody who has you seeking advice on a forum before you've even met isn't your guy.

I use dating websites a lot. Definitely a red flag. I wouldn’t be meeting him.

I would see this as a red flag. I mean, if he only wants to be talking to/seeng one woman at a time, that's fine. But he doesn't need to put that on you. If you are enjoying chatting, go along to the meeting, sure, but I'd be cautious.

It’s the telling you that’s weird.

He could have just quietly suspended his account until after your date without the song and dance, but telling you and also sending a screenshot almost implies like he thinks you should do the same.

Despute my best intentions to date multiple people, I find it a bit of a ball ache and lots of plates to spin on limited free time so tend to date one at a time pretty early on.

The red flag here is that he's made a point of telling you. With a screenshot no less. I have never ever done this. Hes either pushing you to "commit" on some level early (controlling) or being very needy and possibly showing jealous red flags.

Its so wrong. Theres no need for my dates to know if I'm dating elsewhere at that stage, and it would seem very bunny boiler to send a screenshot to a man so early - why is it ok the other way around? It isn't.

@TheFoundations

There are no rules. There is no external locus of evaluation. You can't consult MN every time your date does something that makes you go 'Huh?'

Your feelings are the rules. If you're doing the 'This feels a bit weird to me, but perhaps I'm just being a bit silly/oversensitive/overthinking' thing, you are treating your feelings as if they are something that ought to be over ridden by something else; something that knows how sensitive you should be, how much you should be thinking about this, what the definition of 'silly' actually is.

Behaving this way towards our feelings is how we end up in abusive relationships. It leads to 'He verbally/physically abused me, but it was my own fault for being so silly and I really shouldn't be upset about it.' We never get to this stage if we respond to our feelings at the stage you're at now. 'This feels weird, so I'm backing off.' And that's all you need to know about boundaries. It doesn't matter how much experience you have or haven't got in the dating world. The 'right' way to do it isn't to follow a set of rules that you need to 'get the hang of'. The right way to do it is to listen to your instincts. Listen to that question mark that you've already got with this guy.

The right guy for you will not do things that make you feel question marks. You won't have to question yourself and your feelings, because the feelings will be good. Anybody who has you seeking advice on a forum before you've even met isn't your guy.

Going to pass some of this advice onto my daughter. Thank you.

I don't think its weird that he decided to come off the site. However, I think him telling you and more so, how he told you weird. I'd still meet him though as I think you'll get a better feel for him in person

That's too full-on. Needy/mentally ill (in a bad way.)

@fingermask

The pros of online dating are that it can lead to meetings in a faster and easier way than any other form of dating. The cons of online dating are that there is no physical contact between the two people and these relationships may not turn into a more substantial relationship.

lemetropolelille.com/omega-male/

Update..
Went on date. Was pleasant enough. Still funny.
Wasn't sure about 'chemistry'.
Got home, exchanged messages, keen to see me again. Decided yes id go on another date.
Next day hugely reduces number of messages as "he'd been busy". Same next day
Felt different.
Looked on dating site, his profile back up.
🤣
Blocked.
Moved on!

And this was from the perceived best of the bunch 😬
Not fancying more of this experience.

You did the right thing! Glad you found out more his true colours early on. Hope there will be a much more positive experience for you soon OP. It will happen :-)

I find that a really odd thing to do.... You haven't even met! Watch for other flags...

@MizzFizz

I find that a really odd thing to do.... You haven't even met! Watch for other flags...

They literally just did meet. Two posts above yours!