8 months pregnant and struggling with in law anxiety

[sunflowersandstars]

Hey guys. Please bear with my long rant. I’m in my 8th month of pregnancy and have been trying not to stress over things and as much as I have been trying to take things easy, things keep getting twisted and complicated.

So around two years ago I experienced an early miscarriage. At the same time my SIL had a baby. I live in a joint family with my parents in law, but my SIL and BIL live in another country. My in laws were thrilled about the baby so clearly they didn’t really bother with what I was struggling with. I got frustrated and said some things about how the new baby in the family has become a problem to my best friend. My husband read my text messages. We had a huge fight over it. Some time later I and DH had a huge issue and I left the house and our marriage was falling apart, so my husband discussed all our issues with his family and also mentioned this incident to his brother and SIL where I had randomly said something about the baby when I was venting to my best friend. We did eventually patch up and I came back home, but my BIL and SIL have not spoken to me ever since. I tried communicating a couple of times but they ghosted me out, after which I just stopped trying. Earlier this year when they found out I was pregnant, they congratulated my husband and parents in law but not me. Later on, I was prescribed bed rest due to some issues and for over a month straight I was on strict bed rest but none of them tried to get in touch to ask about my health. My parents in law know all of this and have never tried to make an intervention to sort things out.

Anyway, coming to the point, they are coming over to stay for over a month and I’m very very worried about how it’ll get awkward and cold. My BIL is known to be rude and mean in terms of conversation. I’m a housewife, I don’t go out because I have been told to restrict activity, and my parents don’t live nearby. I have an otherwise very very good relationship with my parents in law and unmarried SILs. Idk how to deal with this. I’ve been told to not stress out on petty things as my blood pressure rises at times, but I can’t help thinking about how awkward it’s going to be for me in my own house. It’s making me nervous and worried. Please suggest what I can do to keep myself sane as I want to stay stress free and happy for the sake of my baby. Rant over.

With in-laws best thing to do is ignore ignore ignore. Don't ruin your health because of them they're not worth it.

Oh god that isn't helpful at all is it ? Thanks mil 😒
I think not addressing it is worse long term .

I think be super nice when they arrive then try and speak to SIL 1 on 1 as per previous post.

It works different in Asian families especially if they're from south Asian countries. If you address it bad feelings are brought up...they might even have a few polite taunts for you...make you feel small. Leave it and ignore it. Chances are they've forgotten about it and don't want to remember it. It wasn't your fault anyway. You'll be adding more fuel to the fire because you don't know what your husband said. Be clever and just be polite when they come.

It wasn't your fault anyway.

@sunflowersandstars what country are you living in?

You’ll need to fake it. Slap on a smile and give the performance of your life.

If the issue comes up, if you haven’t actually said to them you said anything or if they’ve not seen the text. I’d say your husband was mistaken and that the grief from the loss of your baby was what you were discussing. And that seeing baby’s in general was a big issue for you for some time like a knife to your heart. (I know the feeling having had many miscarriages).

Then be very cordial ask for advice from your SIL make a big deal about how clever/beautiful whatever their child is. And utterly ignore any taunts or rude behaviour.

This is the only way you’re going to get through this situation.

I’d also suggest you prepare that your husband will pretty much abandon you once you move together for his studies. He sounds useless and uninterested and not like he’s emotionally present in your marriage. You need to strengthen your position, can you work/study anything yourself to future proof your life?
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

And if it gets too much tell your MIL, that as you should traditionally be at your mums anyway that you should go and your SIL & BIL can relax and enjoy their ‘short’ stay without everyone worrying about your health. Play it up make it about everyone else’s comfort. That will give your MIL the shove to let you go to your mums.