Friend is so irritating but doesnt realise

[LittleMissHeadache]

I'm getting so pissed off with my friend lately I'm close to giving her a mouthful which I know will upset her and I'll regret but she's so bloody annoying.

She's a single parent with 2 kids and I'm married with 2 kids and despite the fact that my DH works full time and she doesnt, we always seemed to be in similar finantial states. Never had money for christmas, summer holidays, clothes etc and we used to moan together about it. However she always seemed to be able to go on holidays and buy more luxuries then we ever could. One time I upset her by saying "of course you're skint, you're on benefits, what's our excuse?" and she went in a mood for days.

Anyway about 6 months ago she got a job. Only part time in an office and all of a sudden she was loaded. Would go out buying all the most expensive clothes, booked weekends away with the kids and went to shows that I couldnt afford and it annoyed me because she only worked a few days a week and had much more money that us when DH works full time.

Now she keeps going on about all the stuff she's got her kids for christmas when she knows I'm struggling with mine, has said about how she is moving next year to get the kids in a better area/school when she knows I can't and keeps going on about saving up to take the kids to disney world when she knows I cant afford to go to spain.

It irritates me because as I say, DH works all week full time and brings home less than she does working 4 half days a week because tax credits practically double her money and she gets away with council tax rebates etc.

Do I say something to her to make her realise how she comes across or am I being mean?

Oh, no good ever comes from talking about how much money you have with friends.

Tbh, I did wonder if the OP's friend was spending more than she had. However, that shouldn't be a reason for the OP to be annoyed with her, it should be more of a cause for concern. And if she does have the money to spend, good luck to her although it isn't nice to brag.

On the other hand she may well not be bragging but just revelling in her good fortune and her improved life which would make the OP a jealous woman who should be please for her friend, not critical of her. Jealousy is such as unattractive trait.

this is the reason why you should never discuss money or politcs with "friends"
Littlemiss..you sound like a delightful friend, how lucky your friend is to you..this is probably the first christmas that your friend has been able to really splash out and she wants to spoil her kids..however for all you know..she could have taken out 10 credit cards and be up to her eyes in debt..I cant abide jealous people

Ho hum,
Am I winding up ?
Not sure really
What I do think is that some of you take things SO seriously and it riles me.
I can't believe that you're all jumping on the op.
Don't you think it's crappy behaviour of her "friend" to go on about what she has when her friend(op) has less?

believe it or not citylover 6 kids cost money, so my CB is no more than you get for the amount of children you have.

Actually I do have a problem with the situation that someone on benefits has more money then someone who has a paid job. Now that is not a contentious issue surely.

When I was teaching there was one school where there were a lot of families claiming free school meals. One family sticks in my mind though. Every September at the beginning of term they would all jet of to Disneyland Florida for a couple of weeks.
Yes, I have a problem with that. it's not right.

Then attack the system, not the people. You can't blame people for getting the benefits to which they're entitled. If they choose to spend the money going to Florida and live on potatoes for the rest of the year, that's their lookout.

I personally think one parent should be allowed to stay at home full time with the children on at least 2/3's of their previous salarly until the children are of school age. But that's a whole other thread...

To the OP, your friend is insensitive to bang on about money and what she can buy now esp. since she knows you're skint.

It's also in poor taste to keep on about money. I'd just ignore what she says and talk about other things. Or get really enthusiastic about everything she's buying/doing. Maybe get some pleasure out of her life too. Jealousy is really ugly.

I don't know if there is a positive contribution to be made here - not something to raise a laugh about tbh - but why don't you try walking around the table and seeing what life is like from your friend's position?

I would echo the don't be jealous motif. I'd also suggest a job for you ... just during the day maybe ... it's not good for your karma to be eaten up like this.

Oh FFS how is it that you make everything into a "I hate people on benefits" rant?

This woman's "friend" is not on benefits, she is in paid work (or "money for old rope" as you would have it).

But don't let that stop you from envying benefit claimants, it is the season of goodwill after all. And that's the direction as many threads as possible should head in.

Kitty, you are missing the point. The OP's friend isn't on benefits any more, she has a JOB. That's how she can afford to live - perfectly legitimate. She does get tax credits too, just like thousands of other workers.

OP, I think you are a bit jealous and mean but I can see that it must be irritating if it seems your friend is going on about all the things she can now afford, when you can't. But presumably she's just excited that she can now do things for her kids?

I think Kitty is having a very tired day.....surely someone who has lifted themselves out of the benefit trap should be applauded; it's no mean feat!

No Wisteria, I think we should carry on lambasting them forever that they were ever on benefits. And when they get jobs, sneer at them for having money for old rope.

Sorry, i'm obviously having a tired day too!

Yes ,it's true that I should be irked with the system and not the person.
I AM very irked with the system.

Yes I am having a tired day, christmas is coming and the baby won't stop squealing like a porkie pig and the christmas tree keeps falling over.

wow littlemiss, you sound like a truly delightfull friend to have.

in response to your op i think you should say something to your friend................you should congratulate her for bringing her children up on her own and supporting her family through work and not benefits.

you sound very envious of her and her lifestyle, wots the problem? shes working for it and should be allowed to enjoy the fruits of her labour without her "friend" begrudging it.

But Kitty - the system is there now to support the population that have wanted to work but couldn't due to the financial shortfall which was there before, I know because I struggled to keep going as a single Mum before the advent of tax credits.

Now this isn't my opinion as I am a live and let live person, but some would say you shouldn't have had so many children (who are lovely by the way, but I'm not surprised you're bloody knackered ), likewise you could say that it is unfair for a lawyer to earn more than a teacher as they have spent roughly the same amount of time at Uni, but they do.... - nothing is ever fair to everyone but this system is one of the best things that has ever happened to single parents to be honest. It's really not worth getting upset over when you surely have more important things to do, like nailing the Christmas tree to the floor!!

Message withdrawn

Wisteria, I don't need my CB, thankfully I am in thhat position.
Dp and I made sure that we could afford to have the children.

I know that there are many people for whom the benefit system is a genuine life-line. Ther are others who have learned to milk it.

Take that awful Lizzie woman from house swap. do you remember her? She and her bloke got masses of money in benefits.
There is little incentive to work, and she said so, when she could get that much and do nothing.
I'm not sure how extreme a case she is tbh.

Journos use commas. Think this is for real. Sadly.

She is a very extreme case.

Most people on benefits are not milking the system, they are living in poverty. Imagining that most of them are rolling in dosh milking the system, is like imagining that most company directors are fiddling their expenses and taxes. A minority of them are, but the media don't stir up howls of hysteria about them, so we don't have the impression that most of them are. Benefits cheats otoh...

Doodledoo what are you talking about? Please explain!

So is the irony not lost on you that you are receiving a state handout that by your own admission you don't need and may be using for holidays or investing and yet criticising others for milking the system?

I have two dc's and have always felt slightly guilty about taking cb even now I am a single parent working full time.

But there again I like to think I am not overly judgemental about most situations. Always think there for the grace of god go I.

citylover there is a whole sea of difference between the two situations as I'm sure you are intelligent enough to recognise.
I do not seek these benefits, nor would I care if they got taken away. The government choses to give them to me I do not claim them.
The difference is clear.

Well consider for a moment what would happen if your privileged position (which it is, believe me; however much you have worked for it) was suddenly taken away from you.....

Not everyone on benefits had children with the intention of marriages breaking up, businesses going bust and countless other unfortunate events which can happen leading to benefits and working tax credits.

I think your posts are ill informed to be honest Kitty and personally, if I really didn't need my CB then it would be going to charity....

Yes, some people milk the system but I get far more angry with the likes of Conrad Black and the government for embezzling or wasting pots of money than the small percentage of benefit claimants who are on the take. What about the lawyer who charges astronomical hourly rates to someone who is unfortunate enough to need his/ her services and is scraping together the fees in order to get access to his child, or the GP who actually charges the £25 to sign a passport photo? There are so many instances of unfair and selfish money grabbers out there that I feel it daft that everyone always comes down on the single parent on benefits....... they're the least of our worried IMO!

Happy Christmas anyway!

I'm on benefits...£45 per week and it's bloody difficult! I certainly don't wish to be in this situation, having tax payers paying for my life but til a job comes along, it's all I have. I feel totally ashamed I claim benefits and more so when people out there hate people like me, so much so, when people ask what I do for a living, I lie and say i'm a nanny rather than say I claim JSA.

OP, good on your friend if she can afford her children a great lifestyle. She works hard for it, even if it is part time. Don't be so jealous!

merry christmas everyone

Kitty - how lucky you are to have such a full brood you and your dh can afford.

However, I do hope that your dh never faces him losing his job or becoming too ill to work. Thereby meaning that you can no longer afford your home and become deeply reliate on your CB. Should you ever come on hard times, it is going to be a long and bumpy ride down for you and I think you will find a lot of people that will not have much sympathy for you.

I do hope that you donate your CB to a worthy charity.

The government has decided what each one of us is entitled to and the rules that apply - its not a free for all although I agree some to milk the system.

Your arrogance makes me very sad.

Yes thanks Wisteria rather more eloquently put than my post.

I like to view the system as a spectrum and at both ends of that spectrum as well as in the middle of it people will be benefitting from it or milking it!

That should be considered rather than always focusing on those at the lower end of the scale a la Daily Mail.

When do you see articles about the scandal of large companies tax breaks and the like.

I think really we know who really benefits most from 'the system'. And it isn't the single parent and other more vulnerable members of society.

I do find some people live in a very worthy smug 'bubble'.

Enough said - I really must write my Christmas Cards

Haven't read the whole thread so maybe this has been mentioned already....

The first thing that struck me reading the OP was that your friend may be envious of your having a partner. Te me someone who constantly goes on about all the material things they can afford is filling gaps in their life somehow. I know it's easy to comment on money when you don't have to worry about it, but surely you'd rather your children had 2 loving parents in a happy relationship than fancy holidays and expensive toys.

Maybe I'll be shot down here, but I thought it was worth saying for the next time she gets up your nose....