Do men need to feel needed?

[SandraOhh]

Just that really.

Why just men, there are many people who need to be needed. Mums after the youngsters have flown the nest, guys who can’t handle retirement, staff made redundant and sad at being superfluous to requirements.

There are lots of individuals who need to be needed.

Men, much like women, aren’t monolithic. Some of them need to be needed. Some of them don’t. If you give us some information about the specific man/men you’re wondering about, perhaps we can help work out which group he/they fall under.

I think all humans need to feel they have worth and purpose. That we are a necessary part of the team or family unit, to not be a spare part or easily replaceable.

There are healthy and not so healthy ways that we can express and satisfy those feelings and needs.

Men in relationships. They need to feel you need them in your life.

Cannot generalise like that really. Some do, some don't.

Everyone needs to feel needed. Can you be more specific?

People like to feel needed, men are people

Everyone needs to feel needed. You'll have to elaborate OP

What do you mean? "Feel needed", like your entire world would crumble to dust without them in it? Or "feel needed", like they make a meaningful difference to your life which you value?

Because everyone needs the latter in a relationship but if it's the former, then what they are looking for is unhealthy and I wouldn't walk into that.

Depends totally on your definition of needed. If you mean "I need you, you are my soulmate, I love you" then yeah I guess men need to feel needed as it's a nice need.

If you mean "I need you because you know how to unblock the washing machine and put the bins out on bin day" then no men don't need to be needed like this just because they are useful to you.

I think everyone likes to feel both wanted and needed. How important that is to the individual will vary (and I don't think it's a sex-linked thing) and people will have their own views on what constitutes a want or a need. But humans are social creatures who typically live in groups and flourish with healthy social and family relationships

You’re being quite gnomic about this and I’m not entirely sure why. Explaining what you mean will probably get you more helpful responses than what you’re currently doing.

Well
I don't like to feel needed.

I like to feel wanted and I believe partners should feel
Wanted not needed.

It's a conversation I've had with my daughters over the years that you should want someone in your life,not need them.

My dh doesn't like to be needed in that context but he likes to be wanted.

Two different things to me.

And a husband that's needs to be needed needs to ask himself why

I think most people need to feel needed. I don't think it's split along sex lines.

I want to feel wanted, not sure about “needed”

Interesting question. My DH does. I don’t. I am not a huggy/romantic person although I wouldn’t turn down a cuddle. DH needs it more BUT he’s also autistic so it is situation dependent- sometimes he wants to be left alone.

@SandraOhh

Just that really.

I remember someone told me 'men want to be needed and women need to be wanted' so maybe there's some truth to that 🧐

Thank you @wtfisgoingonhere21 you've got it. I find it highly suspicious when people need to feel needed by a partner. It's scream co dependence to me

It screams*

@FabulousMrFifty

I want to feel wanted, not sure about “needed”

Totally agree.

@SandraOhh

Absolutely

Maybe it's just me but being needed by a partner is unattractive in my eyes.

Being needed by your children etc is different because that's a natural thing but if somebody that's meant to be your equal partner wants to be needed by you it's odd.

And equally the other way round.

Example having my dh support me through shitty things is great however I would have got through them times without that support it just would have been different

Works the other way round Aswell.

Is that kind of what you mean?

On a practical level we can both do everything to run a home garden life admin etc etc so don't rely on the other to do it however we just work together and do the things between us as and when.

I believe there is a group of men who do need to feel needed, in a "my life would crumble and I could not function well without you" way.

One of them was my ex. Dumped me and cited one of the reasons was I didn't need him. If he left I'd still have a good job, earning more money than him, a nice place to live and just handled life admin better than him.

Makes sense as when we got together I was a student eating from the reduced shelves and he loved to make a show of buying my shopping when he visited. I think he also thought I was shy/had few friends and needed "fixing" then after dating me for a while realised I'm just asocial and like it that way.

I think we all want to be wanted or needed. It depends on what you mean by wanted. Do I like to think that my OH needs me so I can do the dishes/hover etc, nope he's quite capable of that. I do like to think that my OH needs me because I make him happy and make his life better not by doing anything specific but simply by being there for him. I hope he feels the same.

I think a lot of men are intimidated by independent women. Not all, but a lot. It's pathetic.

You’d have to say a bit more about the situation.

Most people want to feel important to the person they love. Being very needy is different.