Did or do you have lots of male attention in your mid to late 30s?

[TurrySea]

Just that really. Newly single, 36, I used to get a lot of interest in my early 30s…seems to have gone?

I’ve only been dating a few weeks and my confidence is rock bottom after this last relationship ending (thought he was the right one) so it could be that.

Feeling low and hopeless about finding anyone new now!

Yes a lot even though I was married and not interested.

I think at that age you're pretty much arg the peak of your attractiveness as you are confident too.

I always had a lot of attention when i was younger. It definitely tailed off in my thirties. I felt invisible for the first time ever and that was new to me. But i was also in the full on mum mode of toddlers etc around that time. I am now in my 40s and get plenty of attention again. But i also now have time for myself and am my confidence is back. Therefore i am sure its confidence that attracts people as much as looks.

No, but then I gained weight having kids. The male attention has dropped away steadily with each extra stone added and each year that passes. I don't miss it personally.

I’ve almost never received any male attention!

I find it odd that posters on here seem to be very dismissive of anyone (particularly men) valuing physical attraction over intelligence etc. Isn’t intelligence mainly genetic like looks? So why is it seen as the morally correct preference on here?

@Glassofshloer I think it’s less about having a high IQ than it is an awareness/curiosity about the world. If someone’s well read then they’ll get similar reference points to me and I don’t have to feel like I’m a school teacher or something. It’s just easier, more comfortable and makes for better conversation. But that has nothing to do with genetics as much as what you prioritise in your life. I daresay someone really into sport would expect similar in terms of physical development.

Early 40s here. Never had so much attention from men but I'm more confident than I have been previously.

To clarify - if someone sporty said they were looking for someone “fit and active” I’d think “of course, makes sense”. And some people are naturally inclined to do better in sports thanks to genetics. So I see wanting “intelligence”, if your more intellectually inclined, in a similar fashion.

Thing about looks is what do they add beyond surface aesthetics? Even chemistry I find is as much driven by personality. Hence why, if you judge solely on looks alone it’s deemed “shallow”. Because you are literally only appraising someone on a surface level.

"The men who you were getting attention from in the past must have been primarily interested in youth and valued women according to age"

Sorry to break it to you, but most men find younger women attractive.

I'm 40...I got the most attention in my late teens to up to 30....then virtually nothing!

[quote Anonnyno]@Glassofshloer I think it’s less about having a high IQ than it is an awareness/curiosity about the world. If someone’s well read then they’ll get similar reference points to me and I don’t have to feel like I’m a school teacher or something. It’s just easier, more comfortable and makes for better conversation. But that has nothing to do with genetics as much as what you prioritise in your life. I daresay someone really into sport would expect similar in terms of physical development.[/quote]
But that awareness/curiosity generally comes from intelligence doesn’t it? And opportunity.

I think it’s also interesting how differently people age. Particularly the current crop of thirty somethings, some of whom are indistinguishable from twenty somethings. Advances in skincare and makeup, better dentistry, the normalisation of physical fitness and more casual clothing, and so on. Melanin also helps, as I’ve found that if you’re Black/Asian, your skin often shows the signs of ageing much later than if you’re white.

But, obviously, some people aren’t at all interested in any of those things (and genetics are obviously a factor), so you’ve got 35 year olds who look 25, 35 year olds who look what most of us consider to be mid-30’s, and 35 year olds who look (to most people) considerably older.

None of these things are ‘better’ than the other, but the societal obsession with youth means that the first group is feted.

I have no idea. I'm in my 50s now and have never had any male attention. I think I've just always had resting bitch face so no one bothers.

I think it depends where you are in life. At that age I had young DC and zero interest in sex or being sexy. Now (45) DC are older, I’m slim and I dress probably a bit younger than my age and I’m genuinely happy in my own skin and I don’t feel invisible yet…I did feel it in my late 30s though!

@Siameasy

I think it depends where you are in life. At that age I had young DC and zero interest in sex or being sexy. Now (45) DC are older, I’m slim and I dress probably a bit younger than my age and I’m genuinely happy in my own skin and I don’t feel invisible yet…I did feel it in my late 30s though!

Similar situation, @Siameasy. In my 30's, I was either pushing a buggy or dashing from work to childcare so I didn't have time to notice whether I was getting any attention...probably not.

Now I'm 47 with teens, I take care of myself and I do get attention. Not having a buggy in tow definitely helps.
I agree that confidence has alot to do with it as well.

So don't despair, OP and don't waste your time on people who aren't right, you don't need them.

I was divorced at 38 and for two years thereafter had more attention than in the whole of my teens and 20's put together. In regard to attractiveness I suppose I would be considered 'good for age' to use a running term. However, I think what made me particularly attractive was my friendly nature, i smiled easily and was always laughing. I just looked like someone fun to be around and men flocked to me.

I’ve not found age to play a huge part. In fact, i get hit on more now that I did in my 20s. For context, I am 34, quite fat, rarely wear makeup, and have a fairly pretty face but photograph terribly. And yet I spent the summer fighting off the ardent advances of a extremely conventionally good looking male acquaintance - the kind of man who could have any woman he wanted (i wasn’t interested, but i’m not going pretend i didn’t enjoy having the option )

The most male attention I ever got was when I was 35/36, which when I was the slimmest I've ever been. I'd love to think it was down to new found confidence but given the comments I'd get about my body I doubt it.

@Glassofshloer

I find it odd that posters on here seem to be very dismissive of anyone (particularly men) valuing physical attraction over intelligence etc. Isn’t intelligence mainly genetic like looks? So why is it seen as the morally correct preference on here?

I don’t think it’s so much that’s looks are compared to intelligencr it’s about the whole person ( something men enjoy being valued for a their lives) It it’s things like personality , kindness , life experience , personality etc Anyone can cultivate and develop those and everyone tends to develop more life experience over time. However in womrn those things are given little credit by some if she’s not ‘young enough’ in their opinion We live in a world where men get valued for those things far more than women do and many men seem to think a woman’s primary value is her looks and youth We are all human and yes physical is the first thing we notice but when a woman is written off because she’s your exact same age or even close in age rather than ten , fifteen years younger ( as some men do ! ) That’s shallow and mysogynistic Of course it’s superior if a man thinks a woman has value for all the reasons that make her a human , just like men do

@Gwenhwyfar

"The men who you were getting attention from in the past must have been primarily interested in youth and valued women according to age"

Sorry to break it to you, but most men find younger women attractive.

And yes there’s a whole lot of reasons men find that attractive and it’s often tied into ego and power Regardless , there’s a big difference between finding someone attractive and wanting to date them . I think most of us can look at a fit 20 something and say yea they are attractive.
Knowing many people that age would I ever want to date them knowing the immaturity of most, the different places we are in life - no way It may come as a surprise for yoh but …. Same goes for hot younger guys but most of us not not stop looking at older guys or not see value in them simple because we see younger men ( who tend to still have thick hair , muscular bodies and can stay hard all night ) .
In fact many wouldn’t even want one of these younger guys simply because as a whole package they don’t offer much more than looks Why is it that older men are still valued I wonder ? Because for women ( most women ) it’s about the whole person , not just looks.

The amount of male attention you get depends not on your age, but on how generically attractive you are. There are certain characteristics that appeal to most men, good figure, great hair, pretty face. If you have those you will get lots of attention, regardless of your age. Attractiveness gets linked to age because young women are more likely to have these characteristics than older ones, but if you have them when you're older, the attention keeps coming. There are men who will alwsys chase youth over looks, but they are often quite old themselves, so are probably not most women's target demographic anyway.

@cakecakecheese

The most male attention I ever got was when I was 35/36, which when I was the slimmest I've ever been. I'd love to think it was down to new found confidence but given the comments I'd get about my body I doubt it.

Sadly, that's been my experience too. The slimmer I've been the more attention I've had. I'm 52, but have lost a couple of stone and am now size 8, not thin, still curvy, but have never had as much attention in my life. I've been very surprised that figure has trumped age. My confidence has been the same throughout so irrelevant imo.

At 52, not very much on the street (not none though) but if I show up on a dating site it's ok, if I am on a sex site then shedloads. All in all quite a good balance. I would say 45 to 55 is a good decade sexually, hope it doesn't drop off after that.

I was going to meet my boyfriend in London. Dressed up, but not formally or with any particular thought. There was a problem with the tube, and I wasn't sure of what the next available station was. I asked a man on the station for advice. He offered to take me to the next tube on foot. I was wary but agreed as it was very busy surroundings. We got chatting, and parted on good terms. He was a gent. He found me on facebook soon after, and asked me to meet him for a date. I explained that was not possible, but also asked him why he decided to help me. He said he saw me leave the train and walk across the station. He said that walk made me look like a special smiley person who stood out from the crowd and looked warm and amazing. A nice compliment. I am 50, unwell due to lots of major surgery and not feeling very confident at the moment due to terrible family circumstances. Age is just a number. I was asked on a date in the hospital queue as I got chatting to a younger male patient who wanted to chat. He assumed I was younger, he was 35. I suppose you just have to be open and receptive to other people. There is something frosty about certain elements of British culture that prevent many opportunities. I got attention in my teens and upwards. Some wanted, some unwanted...anyone can do this at any age. My boyfriend usually cannot be bothered dating as he is a workaholic. He picked me because he said I presented as someone who was happily single and just didn't care about relationships too much...he got that right.

I had a lot of male attention till I was 50. Until that age I looked very young plus I’m Asian and let’s be honest men sometimes have a thing for Asian women, they are the most popular hit on dating sites plus I blame the rise of anime. I still get the odd glance but that was the last time I was directly approached and asked on a date when I am very obviously wearing a wedding ring. I have always been slim a size 6 to 8 though I’m a size ten now with the menopause plus an unseen disability means no more hardcore exercise, I still walk an hour a day sometimes through bad pain levels.