Did or do you have lots of male attention in your mid to late 30s?

[TurrySea]

Just that really. Newly single, 36, I used to get a lot of interest in my early 30s…seems to have gone?

I’ve only been dating a few weeks and my confidence is rock bottom after this last relationship ending (thought he was the right one) so it could be that.

Feeling low and hopeless about finding anyone new now!

Yup. I’m still getting offered drinks and propositioned on the street. It’s deeply irritating, but suspect I’ll miss it when it stops. Maybe?

It really is just down to how you look, I’m not convinced confidence (or the lack thereof) has that much of an impact. And one of my mates is pushing 50 and still (literally) turning heads, so you’re certainly not over the hill in terms of age.

Are you fit? Conventionally attractive? Great skin/teeth/hair?

Yes and yes especially when out (I looked approx 10 years younger then prob not now!).

As @Saysama says though a lot of it is down to how you look but also where you are. I used to work in a small high street solicitors but on reception and I got a lot of male attention there probably as it’s an easy way to approach someone and easier than in a pub/bar.

I know it sounds a cliche but a gym is often a good place to meet men.

I think I had a fair amount on dating sites mid thirties. Not on the streets though!

What’s the issue with dating - you aren’t meeting guys you like, or they aren’t interested in you?

At 36 you aren’t going to turn heads like a gorgeous 20 year old does (unless you are supermodel attractive) but you should certainly still be getting your fair share.

Check you are looking as good as you could (within reason, don’t start trying to look 20), check your confidence levels (being happy about life and yourself is vital), and accept that dating is a numbers game, and crack on.

However, If you are feeling like shit about your last relationship you may be showing that - so consider what you need to work on in yourself to move on.

OP - you are in the age where I think it’s particularly difficult to date.
Many men assume that a woman in mid 30s is desperately looking for someone, anyone to have kids with. And that puts many men off.
This isn’t about you suddenly looking less attractive than in early 30s.

Noting you can do about it but persevere. Dating is a number game.

@FreeBritnee The streets of Sawf Lahndan are not for the faint hearted. You can acquire a husband, drugs and a live chicken in about five minutes flat on my high street. 😂

I'm in my 50s and get about the same amount of male interest as usual. People say that I look in my 30s but for example this summer a couple of men said that I was the most interesting person they'd talked to in years. I am passionate, have opinions and have a wide range of interests and knowledge.

You don't need a lot of men attracted in you. You need to be yourself so that the right man is attracted to you.

On the back of what @MMmomDD and @Luredbyapomegranate say - desperation is never a good look in your 30s. I had both, the desperation and then the just going out and dating (I casually dated a few guys in my late 30s) and I had way more success with the latter as I just treated it as fun and nothing serious.

Definitely keep yourself looking the best you can, maybe try a few new styles but I recall I had a friend who was much more glam than I was and tried to make me look like her which wasn’t really me. Nothing wrong in looking the best you can though. Self confidence in your looks and how you speak and act to a man goes a long way and that’s why I’m pleased I worked where I did, because I got a lot of practice in with chatting to men in person and on the phone.

No, I’ve got fat having babies (really it’s the eating too much). I need to sort my shit out although I actually don’t want male attention tbh. But as soon as this pregnancy is done I need to be a bit more mindful. My husband still likes having sex with me though so that’s a bonus

I still get a lot of attention at 40, even more than when I was younger. I think it’s more about how friendly and approachable you seem more than what you look like. People are more likely to like people who they think like them.

Perhaps some time enjoying being single, having a life and getting over the ex. I split up with my kids dad and met someone else fairly soon and it ended really badly, he didn’t meet kids or anything but stalked me.

I took time out (3 years) to just get my life back together, enjoy the kids and be happy without a man in my life. Totally appreciate that’s a long time but after a year or so I felt I didn’t want to be with someone, I wasn’t looking so 3 years later I did meet an amazing guy and we are very happy 3 years together.

Anyway that’s my story but I think you need to get your confidence back before you online date as it’s brutal. Don’t chat to people for weeks before meeting, if you click meet for coffee/drinks. Speak to a few people at once, there’s a great dating thread on mumsnet too, hopefully someone will link it. Wishing you all the success as i know it’s really hard.

I think @Luredbyapomegranate makes a good point - are you talking male attention in general or attention from males you'd find eligible?

If the former, from experience, many 35-40 year old women I know still attract a lot of attention. However, many of the men interested are 40+ and/or have kids. So if you're actually meaning the latter - getting attention from men in their 30s who are child free and might want to start a family - then, I'd imagine. the pool would be smaller than when you were, say, 32, simply because alot of the men you attracted then will now be either "off the market" or unsuitable as they enter a new stage of life.

The men who you were getting attention from in the past must have been primarily interested in youth and valued women according to age if they have suddenly stopped looking just because you’re a bit older
Why would you care less or even want attention from men who view women that way .
To answer your question, I think the most attention i got was in my 40s , although now in my 50s i still get some
As for my 20s , if I got attention , I was oblivious to it , perhaps because I was primarily focussed on my children .

Absolutely none! I’ve aged dreadfully with my DD, I’m slowly transforming into a pudding like creature. It was weird when I realised that literally NO-ONE found me attractive anymore (its ok DH still loves me) but tbh I’m starting not to care anymore.

@Momijin

I'm in my 50s and get about the same amount of male interest as usual. People say that I look in my 30s but for example this summer a couple of men said that I was the most interesting person they'd talked to in years. I am passionate, have opinions and have a wide range of interests and knowledge.

You don't need a lot of men attracted in you. You need to be yourself so that the right man is attracted to you.

This. I am mid 40s and could have written @Momijin's post word by word.

I don't want 'a lot of interest' from random men.

I prefer to attract attention from someone who thinks I am an interesting person all around, not just physically attractive. And yes I am seeing someone so these type of men do exist still.

Unfortunately it is all about how you look, in my 30s and 40s I was slim and had a confidence in myself. Newly single and I got lots of attention. I'm now nearly 4 stone heavier, almost 50 and no one gives me a second glance. It's soul destroying sometimes but I've come to the conclusion that it's all based on looks.

@Momijin

Completely agree.

@Momijin

I'm in my 50s and get about the same amount of male interest as usual. People say that I look in my 30s but for example this summer a couple of men said that I was the most interesting person they'd talked to in years. I am passionate, have opinions and have a wide range of interests and knowledge.

You don't need a lot of men attracted in you. You need to be yourself so that the right man is attracted to you.

I’d agree with this, looks gain attention,

personality / wit / knowledge are the kind of traits that keep attention and make people gravitate towards you and want to spend time with you, which is handy as I’m butt ugly

I did get a lot pf male attention in my early and late thirties but I carry about my appearance then. I'm late forties now and couldn't give a shit as long as I look smart. I don't get attention from men anymore at all. I really don't miss it, sometimes it was weird and a bit scary. I also think I craved attention from men to help bolster a weak self esteem.

*cared

When I'm on my own yes, but no one will say or do anything when I'm out with all the kids or if they do I don't notice.

Are you looking at men with the same glasses as you did before? If you’re open minded about men who may be lovely but overlooked because they are ageing too with all its baggage, and if you are decent and interested in others not just yourself, you are more likely to meet the one. And it only has to be one person. Just the right one.

Without my daughter, yes, even though I'm quite fat. With her no.

Yes, am 51, still get looked at pretty often when I’m out and about. I do take very good care of myself (could lose a stone but I carry it OK I think ) I get attention on dating websites but it doesn’t mean that I’ve been able to find a relationship. I will definitely miss it when I no longer get looked at though. It just brightens my day a bit, it’s completely about ego of course.