@baileys6904
Sorry but depends on the back story
Entirely from my own perspective: (bullets are maybe easier for me)
• we met through our babies when they were around 4ish months old. Hit it off straight away.
• around a year later my husband and I started TTC number 2. I was very open about how anxious it was making me and how I was worrying about it when it was getting to month 9+. She used to ask me things like when was I taking a test and how was I feeling etc. I sometimes didn't find this helpful because I'm actually quite private and TTC was getting me down. I actually wished that I'd kept the whole thing to myself.
• husband and I decided to start IVF around 15 months of trying naturally. Friend had gone through IVF herself and I value her opinion so asked which clinic etc. so this did open up a channel of communication surrounding my IVF. While supportive, again I'm quite private and hate sharing my bad news etc. but I answered her questions about which stage we were at, when was my next scan etc
• first cycle resulted in a positive test. Against my better judgement, we did tell people. Only very close family, and my friend.
• first scan with the IVF clinic is around 7 weeks where we saw a heartbeat but the baby was measuring around a week behind. I completely span out with anxiety and didn't really want to talk about the pregnant until I knew what was happening.
• two weeks later at the next routine IVF scan, sadly the baby had died around 3/4 days after the first scan. This was at Christmas time last year.
• I sent a group text to my close family and my friend saying what had happened and that I didn't want to talk about it. Thanks for their support etc.
• miscarriage management was utterly shit. Husband couldn't come in, but would have had to look after our son anyway. Long waits in the clinic, I took two rounds of the medication but didn't work. Decided to book a private ERPC with my IVF clinic for the new year. I miscarried naturally in the early hours of the 31st Dec.
•Obviously a horrible time and I definitely did shut down communication around pregnancy and IVF. I didn't shut down on any other subject though.
• the new year wasn't kind either, had to have a hycosy, which said I needed a hysteroscopy to make sure there were no retained products before starting IVF again.
• anyway, finally started IVF again and decided absolutely that I didn't want ANYONE to know ANYTHING at all. Nothing personal up anyone. Just prudent to keep my mouth shut until there was actual news of a baby after a 12 week scan or something.
• I believe my friend was incredibly put out by this. She asked me all the time 'how was I doing?' I would reply in general terms 'yeah good, at the park freezing my arse off, how are you?' She would reply asking 'how's IVF?'
• sometimes I would say 'yeah fine' other times I would leave it and start a fresh conversation the next day or whatever. Basically either non-committal or swerve completely.
• this carried on for ages. Second round of IVF did indeed work. Around 10 weeks pregnant, I went round for a catch up and pizza etc. restrictions had largely lifted too.
• we got into a conversation where I ended up apologising for not being more open about what was happening, but it wasn't personal, and everything is fine.
• I was itching to tell her about my pregnancy, but I was waiting for NIPT results and it wasn't the right time. Anyway, she needled and needled and was clearly angry that I wasn't budging. She even said something like 'well I'm not just anyone'