Partner filmed me

[0828GCL]

This is long winded but I will try to keep it clear and concise. I don't really know what I'm looking for but I'm in total shock and disgust and just could do with some support.

In a nutshell, DP and I have been in the middle of breaking up for the last 3 months, but having 2 young children and owning a house together it's been complicated and drawn out, but amicable day to day and we've still been doing things as a family. I very much wanted the breakup, DP didn't.

Anyway, he suggested (having some annual leave this week) that he might go away for a couple of nights to get some headspace, think about things, take some time to himself. I was supportive of it because I felt like I needed some distance from him too.

Long story short, he'd had the house rigged with cameras and watching my every move for 48hrs, live from his phone!!!!
I had a friend round whom I was moaning to about him, and he has videos of me masturbating in the bedroom!

Honestly I'm so sickened and horrified, I left last night and came straight to my mum's but I haven't slept and feel fucking violated. He's convinced I'm seeing someone else (despite no evidence of it whatsoever) and has flipped his lid because I was fantasising / enjoying myself - which he know has footage of?!

What the fuck do I do?! I've tried to look for legal advice online but it seems a grey area re recording in your own home. I know if he shared it there are revenge porn laws but is there anyway I can ensure those videos are definitely gone??

The fact he has gone out of his way to buy, install, set up cameras, book a hotel under the pretence of a break! And spent the 2 days away literally watching my every move!!!

I can't bear the thought of being anywhere near him but there isn't really space at my mum's for me and the kids. I just feel completely lost, exhausted and actually feel quite abused!

This is awful. Please do contact the police and also set about expediating the separation. What on earth was he expecting to get out of it?? You're already breaking up!! You need him out of the house now.

I would report this to the police. I think you should have grounds to have him removed from the property and I'd imagine that the police will assist with this. If he then shares any of the footage you will be able to press charges for revenge porn. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. It's a truly awful violation of your privacy and he sounds like a right sick bastard.

Unless he owns the house or he's the sole tenant he needs to leave. Contact the police, what he's done is a crime.

@neverendingnightmare Have you had smoke alarms checked? Is there anything of his at all left in the house? You can buy cameras to go in plant pots and plugs and all sorts of things. If you feel he is recording you still, it would be a good idea to get someone in to check.

@0828GCL How did you find out he was filming you?

What's your usual housing setup OP?

Agree with PP - you need to contact the police so this can be dealt with, he sounds disgusting

OMG this is horrendous. I had a similar near miss. STBXH got a Ring security camera. He put one outside and one inside. I didn't let him. Said it was weird to have one inside the house. It's sick OP. There is no justifiable reason for it.

Also I would be really worried about him trying to blackmail you with it with regards to shared custody and childcare arrangements when you split... if he's unbalanced enough to film you he's unbalanced enough to do that. So the sooner you log this with the police the better...

I would worry about what film he has of the kids. Were they running around without clothing? Did you give them baths? These are also films that can be shared with/sold to perverts. I would seriously question whether he should have ANY unsupervised visitation. Your solicitor should demand copies of all the films he has made.

If he installs cameras and then books a night away so he can just watch you he is completely unhinged.
I'd be worried what else he could do.
Contact police for advice - if it is possible I think I would have them remove him or tell him he has to leave. He's not playing with a full deck.

You need to report him to the police, this is harrassment. The cameras themselves are evidence he has done it.

It will also help you to establish that he is not a reasonable person in case things are problematic in the future.

My god. This is awful. You must call the police

Seriously get some independence away from this creep.

I'm going to go out on a probably very sturdy limb here and suggest that things have been amicable until now because you've been appeasing him and keeping him sweet? But that you're separating due to some behaviours on his part that you can't live with any more?

Massive boundary crossing, treating you all like things rather than people. It's a dangerous mindset. Please talk to the police and Women's Aid, not just for you but for your children.

Agree with getting police and women's aid right away. I just wanted to say you poor thing. This is a nightmare. Like a horror film or book. An absolute nightmare.

You were doing completely normal things (masturbating, sexy selfies) to make yourself feel better. None of it is shameful and most women including me have done the same things at some point, it's self comforting behaviour when you were already in a chronic stressful situation.

You thought you had total privacy and that has been violated. Please don't feel ashamed just feel angry as I feel for you

What the fuck do I do?! I've tried to look for legal advice online but it seems a grey area re recording in your own home.

It's illegal to record someone without their knowledge in an area of a private residence where they can 'reasonably expect privacy'. This includes the bedroom and bathroom. He sounds terrifying. You must involve the police and take legal advice.

I'd phone the police? Tell them you've separated but still living under the same room and what he's done.

If nothing else the police might be able to give him a scare and have a chat with him about it.

My dad did this to my mum when they were divorcing, almost exactly as you described. Hus behaviour will escalate once they start down this path. My mum moved out and let him have the house to get rid quickly she walked away with nothing. Not sure that was the best choice and she did regret it in later years (especially as he sold the house which was nearly paid off and pissed the money up the wall on a girlfriend. Wait till he's out, inform the police, change the locks and take back what's yours, never let him in again (but get the place checked by a professional, god knows what else he's done xxx

Personally I would ask him to delete it first - then contact the Police. He has NO reason to keep the recording beyond revenge porn so if that’s what he’s planning on doing then I’d get him to admit it first.

Like others have said go to the police. I know it will be hard and awkward given the imagery but if he's willing to do that how far will he go? Its stalking and I would absolutely feel violated and scared to do anything in my home.

Check your phone too that you have no tracking apps including your car if you have one. Sounds extreme but its extreme what he's done already.

You definitely need to contact the police

Police and kick him out

Call the police, you have kids in the house, he could be filming them too.

Call the police and make sure he leaves, you shouldn't be the one to leave.

From recent family experience I can tell you that this is stalking.

The police should be interested in talking to him. If no immediate interest from them, pursue to a higher rank level asap.