Ex of 5 years text me at midnight last night…

[ston]

My ex of 5 years broke up with me at the end of July. My world completely changed from then. I went into a deep deep depression and had to go on antidepressants which I am still on. The breakup has impacted me in so many ways. I’m now dealing with acne again at 25 years old from all the stress it’s caused me.

I was so devasted when he broke up with me out the blue. I even met up with him a month after he broke up with me and slept with him. I was not in a good way then.

I have definitely got better since then. I did text him drunk about a month ago but after that night I deleted his number and haven’t interacted with him since.

In the last two weeks I’ve been to two black tie events with work in London. I wake up this morning and he had text me at midnight saying hey, how are you? I was obviously asleep so just replied this morning saying okay thanks you. He said that he was out drinking. He said to me “I see you’ve been living the high life, wining and dining and mingling with celebrities.” He also says things like I don’t want to never speak to you again (he said this last time I drunk text him first) and that he didn’t think I’d want me to text him. I haven’t been replying with much but he isn’t either. He took 2 hours to reply to one message.

It feels to me that he has seen I’m doing fine without him (I’m still not great but obviously Instagram stories show a different picture). Why has he text me if he cba to even reply/ make conversation. A drunk mistake? What do I do?

He text you simply to know if you’d text back and make yourself available.

Once he knew, he felt better again and will back off until he thinks you are the one doing better.

Just block him. It’s doesn’t mean you care, it means you no longer want any communication with him. Stop letting him have any control.

Do you like him seeing what you’ve been doing? Because that in itself is a very unhealthy way to live your life.

You deleted his number for a reason. It was the right call. I would stop replying to his messages, he is most likely feeding his ego. If he had anything substantial to say, he would say it. I’d block on instagram too. You don’t need the reminder or the temptation to look at his stories, and it avoids giving him material for fishing type texts.

I think it is possible to be friends with an ex but it doesn’t sound like he is trying to sustain any real friendship, nor that this is what you want from him. So there is really nothing to gain from keeping in touch.

@User310

He text you simply to know if you’d text back and make yourself available.

Once he knew, he felt better again and will back off until he thinks you are the one doing better.

Yep.

He saw you looking good, living your life etc on your Instagram.

Having dumped you, and decided he doesn't want you; he's had a minor question/doubt over it now that he's seen you out lokingbgood and looking quite high status (as opoosed to the "needy", available, dejected, down etc girl he had dumped). You not contacting him, alongside seeing the pics made him think "hmm, she's not stalking me, suicidal over ne and shes hob nobbing, socialising, and looking good; maybe she's a bit higher in the pecking order than I thought; I just see if she's still available to me, and then then if I can be bordered picking her up again.

It's a bit narcissist really.

Though not untypical human behaviour.

*I'll just see if she's still available to me, and then if I can be bothered picking her up again.

I call this the "jerkjng your fishing line to see if a fish is still hooked on there, and u
You can reel it in if you want" technique.

He was possibly involved with someone else, ot at the very least had his eye on someone else; abd it's not worked put or the shine gad worn off it... you look good & high status again in comparison at the black tie events.

Shallower than a damp patch.

I suspect he'd be back to dumping you (or not even getting into an official relationship again in order to have to dump you) if you got back with him and became "ordinary" again.

This is not him coming back to you sorry.

@Raaaaaaarr it’s fine I don’t actually want him back. It would never be the same. Just wanted some input.

Booty call, but he's wickedsmart enough to dress it up for you. Hoping for a repeat of last time.
Been there done that.
He's an ex for a reason

Block block block
I don't know who has put it in women's heads that blocking means you care and are affected but it's a load of shite.

You'd block creeps who send dick pics and harass you online so block him.

Blocking means fuck off, you're dead to me.

I understand once they do this to you how could it ever be the same again. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I've been there and it broke my heart. He'd contact me from time to time but like you I forced myself to move on with things and I suspect my ex struggled to see me pull myself and life together so fast after the break up. I knew deep down he didn't want me back but he still did what your ex is doing to you. I was polite in return but needed to protect myself and move on.

The upside for me was significant weight loss

Delete, block, ignore.

He is just after sex and/or an ego boost. He wants to believe that he can still pull your strings whenever he feels like it because he can see you having a good time and moving on on social media.

Bin the loser for good.

You block him on everything including your mobile and move on without him. He's either screwing with your mind or trying to look for a quick shag - and then he'll move on again. Cut ties and don't enable him to contact you again would be my advice.

He wants to make sure he is winning at being broken up. So if he can find out you are not actually ok, he will feel better. Block, block, block!

Honestly, having just been through a similar situation, the only way to truly move on is by unfollowing on all social media (you can block and unblock so that they unfollow you but aren’t blocked I think on Instagram but I may be wrong!). Otherwise you will find yourself posting for a response and when you don’t get one feeling deflated. As much as you tell yourself this isn’t the case, a tiny part will probably feel like that. Delete, unfollow, block whatever- just make it so you can’t keep in touch and see each others ‘perfect Instagram’ lives.

Yes we still have each other on Instagram. I wanted to block him but somehow my mind tells me that’s me telling him I care and he has impacted me

But if it's a way of going properly no contact and will mean he can't see what you're doing / try to hoover you / you can't be tempted to drunk message him / watching his stories etc... does it actually matter if he knows you care and that it's impacted you?

The outcome you want is to be happy and healthy. If blocking him on everything will help you ensure no contact at all and will reduce the risk of you giving him headspace again, you should just do it IMO.

@HollowTalk she's only 20 but takes no messing from men at all !

@youvegottenminuteslynn

That is true. Now he has contacted me I am thinking of him more than before. If i block him I can try to atleast pretend he doesn’t exist.

He text me again saying he wants to meet up when I’m in London.

Is he just using me or something

This was me years ago.

EX didn't want me but didn't want me to want anyone else but him either. Everytime he sensed I was starting to move on, he would suddenly start messaging me again and take me right back to square one. More often then not we would end up in bed and when I'd become emotionally attached again, he would pretty much ghost me and disappear for a few weeks/months then crawl out of the woodwork again. It would always be something like a simple text message that would start this same cycle over and over again for well over a year and It felt like torture.

Eventually I had enough and knew I couldn't carry on that way. I finally realised I deserved more than to be treated as someone's pet to play with and as soon as I cut him out of my life, I met my now DH and moved on.

You may not feel ready to block him but you will never move on if you don't..

Question...
"see you’ve been living the high life, wining and dining and mingling with celebrities.”
Answer" yep." (then block)

Good luck my lovely.

Yes. Read your own post. You have not gone through hell to dip your toe back in.

@ston

He text me again saying he wants to meet up when I’m in London.

Is he just using me or something

It doesn't matter what he wants or why he's doing this.

You need to block him completely, on everything, so you can maintain focus on healing and not waste a minutes more headspace on him.

It's pointless and self destructive. I'm not saying that to be harsh, I'm saying it because I wish someone had said it to me when I had this dynamic with an ex or two in my 20s.