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Original poster

My partner is acting different

30 replies

marvmaise · 26/11/2021 11:15

Back story my partner has cheated on me previously at the very start of our relationship and I took him back.
Fast forward today, my partner couldn't come home from the army this weekend after hardly seeing him this month I was upset, and I was just asking him simple questions in convo like what days are you working this weekend, and he phoned me accusing me that I thought he was lying about working?!
Now this morning I just tried to FaceTime him as I got a notification saying he viewed a video I sent him so I assumed he was awake, and needed to show him something to do with babies bed and some advice and he messaged me instead and I said why did you cancel my ft I was trying to show you something lol and he went off saying I don't need to FaceTime him, I'm starting on him and I can just take a video, that I woke him up by calling him.
He's acting like I'm trying to catch him out and I've literally got no idea what's going on or why?! Has anyone been through something like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
marvmaise · 26/11/2021 11:24

@marvmaise

Back story my partner has cheated on me previously at the very start of our relationship and I took him back. Fast forward today, my partner couldn't come home from the army this weekend after hardly seeing him this month I was upset, and I was just asking him simple questions in convo like what days are you working this weekend, and he phoned me accusing me that I thought he was lying about working?! Now this morning I just tried to FaceTime him as I got a notification saying he viewed a video I sent him so I assumed he was awake, and needed to show him something to do with babies bed and some advice and he messaged me instead and I said why did you cancel my ft I was trying to show you something lol and he went off saying I don't need to FaceTime him, I'm starting on him and I can just take a video, that I woke him up by calling him. He's acting like I'm trying to catch him out and I've literally got no idea what's going on or why?! Has anyone been through something like this?
As well as this he phoned me after work last night and I thought something was wrong that he was gonna tell me something bad about his work from his tone, and I asked him if everything was okay and which maybe was wrong of me but routinely he FaceTimes me after work every day so he can see baby and I said is everything okay is there any reason why you're not FaceTiming me today and he started going off saying I didn't believe he was in his room then started videoing me to 'prove' it and I was just like what?! I never even said anything along those lines I was so confused
OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/11/2021 11:28

Why did you take him back after he cheated on you?. Why do you value your own self here so poorly that you did this?. He has not changed at all and he is still taking you for a fool.

I would furthermore prepare for life as a single parent and raise this child on your own. He would remain financially responsible for his child so I would also pursue a maintenance claim.

Bloodyfreezingtoes · 26/11/2021 11:38

I don't want to stir the pot as he's not 'done' anything you're aware of, but didn't want you to think you were going mad. Yes, his behaviour does sound suspicious and odd from what you're saying.

IncompleteSenten · 26/11/2021 11:39

Smacks of guilty conscience to me.

MarshmallowsOnToast · 26/11/2021 11:42

@Bloodyfreezingtoes

I don't want to stir the pot as he's not 'done' anything you're aware of, but didn't want you to think you were going mad. Yes, his behaviour does sound suspicious and odd from what you're saying.
This...

I don't think you are crazy for believing this behaviour is odd either.

I would definitely think he was somewhere that isn't work if I were in your shoes.

2catsandhappy · 26/11/2021 11:52

My spidey senses would be on full alert too.

The protesting, almost being confrontational. Practically spoiling for a fight or sort of trying to start an argument.
This would be when I would take a moment to think, what would he gain from an argument at this exact time? Maybe an excuse to not come home?
Any change in his routine with you equals a change in his routine.
I would be on watch and wait mode.
I will say I am predjudiced as it was a change in ex's phone time that alerted me to him having another girlfriend. His priority changed.

You are not mad.

samesign · 26/11/2021 12:35

I would step back a bit for now, it's clear you contacting him is irritating him for whatever reason, could be that he's checking out of the relationship, he's trying to accuse you that every question you ask is some how checking up on him, it's toxic don't fuel the fire.
What is his reason for not coming home, you know him more, do you sense a lie?
If you hardly hear from him over the weekend then I'd think he's up to no good.

rampitup · 26/11/2021 12:36

They project their knowledge of events onto you. So, because heknows he's been up to something, he can't help but act as if you know.

Helpstopthepain · 26/11/2021 12:38

Whatever is going on he’s not being very nice to you.
Guilty conscience or not he’s got attitude.

Sonaftersonafterson · 26/11/2021 12:43

He's being a dick. Whether he is cheating.... who knows. Either way, it sounds really weird and upsetting, I'm sorry OP Flowers

Crystalvas · 26/11/2021 12:47

I think him being immediately defensive when you ask him a simple question is suspicious. Especially as theres being a change in his behaviour. In my view if he got away with before he thinks he will again.

BourbonScreams · 26/11/2021 12:52

I'd be suspicious, especially as he's already shown he'll cheat on you

Bellyups · 26/11/2021 13:00

He’s acting classically guilty.

Original poster
marvmaise · 26/11/2021 13:50

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Why did you take him back after he cheated on you?. Why do you value your own self here so poorly that you did this?. He has not changed at all and he is still taking you for a fool.

I would furthermore prepare for life as a single parent and raise this child on your own. He would remain financially responsible for his child so I would also pursue a maintenance claim.

I'm not sure how to answer that because it was quite a hard situation to be in and I was very vulnerable at the time aswell, but I'm glad to have some reassurance that I'm not insane for thinking his behaviour is odd
OP posts:
Original poster
marvmaise · 26/11/2021 13:53

@BourbonScreams

I'd be suspicious, especially as he's already shown he'll cheat on you
Anytime I bring up trust issues from the past he just flips out and asks me why I'm with him if I think like that then we will argue and he will stop talking to me for days on end which causes me immense stress, so I've pretty much learnt to just get on with things no matter how I feel; so I'm not sure what to do now
OP posts:
Original poster
marvmaise · 26/11/2021 13:53

@Sonaftersonafterson

He's being a dick. Whether he is cheating.... who knows. Either way, it sounds really weird and upsetting, I'm sorry OP Flowers
It's okay Thankyou for your reply xx
OP posts:
Original poster
marvmaise · 26/11/2021 13:56

@samesign

I would step back a bit for now, it's clear you contacting him is irritating him for whatever reason, could be that he's checking out of the relationship, he's trying to accuse you that every question you ask is some how checking up on him, it's toxic don't fuel the fire. What is his reason for not coming home, you know him more, do you sense a lie? If you hardly hear from him over the weekend then I'd think he's up to no good.
The last couple of weekends he couldn't come back due to his car being broken then one weekend he magically fixed it in two days and could come back for two days, so I was very suspicious then but everything seemed to be okay after that and now this has happened. I'm more confused than anything, but yeah i agree with stepping back im not sure why im irritating him so much I find it really upsetting and there's nothing I can do about it because im not allowed to follow him on social media after we broke up the first time and he's miles away at barracks so even if he has or doing something I'd never find out
OP posts:
Original poster
marvmaise · 26/11/2021 13:58

@2catsandhappy

My spidey senses would be on full alert too. The protesting, almost being confrontational. Practically spoiling for a fight or sort of trying to start an argument. This would be when I would take a moment to think, what would he gain from an argument at this exact time? Maybe an excuse to not come home? Any change in his routine with you equals a change in his routine. I would be on watch and wait mode. I will say I am predjudiced as it was a change in ex's phone time that alerted me to him having another girlfriend. His priority changed. You are not mad.
Well I'm glad to know I'm not being insane but he has also been saying I'm the one that likes to cause arguments and I've been touchy apparently recently which I don't think I have
OP posts:
StuffYouAllInTheCrust · 26/11/2021 14:18

You’re not allowed to follow him on social media??

All I’ll say is trust your instincts. It doesn’t sound good.

girlmom21 · 26/11/2021 14:21

Why couldn't he come home this weekend?
Could you go to him? You might not be allowed into the barracks (I don't know how it works) but you could suggest a date night and hotel for the two of you to see how he reacts? He might just be stressed that he can't come home.

Is it common for him to kick off at you for little things?

girlmom21 · 26/11/2021 14:22

Yeah not being allowed to follow him on social media is bollocks. He's clearly got something to hide.

Crystalvas · 26/11/2021 14:28

Your not allowed to follow him in social media. Thats aload of crap. Hes definitly hiding something. Always trust your instincts.

ErickBroch · 26/11/2021 14:51

This situation is painful, I wish it was fake! I can't believe people let themselves be treated like this Flowers He is completely messing you around and treating you like a doormat, why do you want to be with someone who values you so little? You deserve much better

AdamRyan · 26/11/2021 14:52

He sounds horrible. He's basically trained you to not ask questions or raise it when you need reassurance. That is not how a loving partner behaves, regardless of if he's cheating.
I'd try to take a step back and have a good think about if this is someone you are compatible with. Flowers I know irs easier said than done when you love someone. No rush to decide, just don't bury things/deny your instincts

litterbird · 26/11/2021 14:58

Sorry OP I would prepare to be single and raise your child alone. He has history of cheating and as you took him back he is now playing you for a fool. Your senses are 100% correct. He is acting odd and protesting just that bit too much. Well done for feeling your feelings and your gut will be right. I would back off as he is now checking out of the relationship. Please dont get sucked back in and go back to him if you do split. You will just keep going around in circles and will cause havoc with your mental health.

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