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Original poster

Lie detector results

29 replies

blahblahblah12345678910 · 23/11/2021 22:54

Before I begin I'm aware this sounds very Jeremy Kyle Show but I'm looking for genuine responses please. Boyfriend went away for work course in March when I was 2 months pregnant, I later found various messages on his phone. Two to a work colleague about 'perving' on women and one conversation consisting of two messages; 'I'm half an hour away from the hotel xx' and then his response, 'Ok babe xx'. Initially when I confronted them he reacted really badly and snatched the phone off me and deleted the messages. His explanation was that it had been banter between him and a male work colleague which I obviously did not believe. I broke it off with him but he begged for me back and said he would do a lie detector test. For various reasons this was only done yesterday. My three questions were; 1. Was the text message (about the hotel) really to a male colleague, 2. Did you intend to have sexual relations with anyone and 3. Did you have sexual relations with anyone. He failed the first question and admitted that it was a women he met on the course but he is just saying everyone exchanged numbers and he doesn't know why she text him. The second question about intentions on sexual relations he got 57 on, which is technically a pass meaning that he didn't have any intentions. The third question he passed with nearly 100. Our baby is 1 month old now. I'm just not sure what to do.

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 23/11/2021 22:57

Where on earth did you get a lie detector from?

and yeah, dump his arse.

Finknottlesnewt · 23/11/2021 23:00

You have two choices.
Choose to believe him if you are otherwise happy. If he is a kind attentive and decent father and partner.
OR
Leave - which I think you should probably do if you are still going on about text messages from 8 months ago !

Polygraphs are highly unreliable. It sounds to me like this has become a massive obsession that you need to get over. By either leaving - or staying amd changing the record .

Hapoydayz · 23/11/2021 23:00

If you are at the point of a lie detector he's not worth it, just leave. Throw him back for someone with lower standards to pick up

OldWivesTale · 23/11/2021 23:00

If it's got to the stage where you want to do lie detectors then I think the relationship is dead in the water. I just wouldn't bother.

Blindleadingtheblind · 23/11/2021 23:01

You know things are in a bad way when you have to take a lie detector test. I don't think I could stay with someone who would be willing to lie to me.

DevonsFinest · 23/11/2021 23:04

And my 3 questions to you op ......

  1. Are you happy?
  2. Do you want a future with this man?
  3. Can you trust him and put this behind you and move on?
ASimpleLobsterHat · 23/11/2021 23:06

The trust has gone; this relationship is over. I’m not one to advocate leaving as essential after cheating, but if you are still dwelling on this issue many months later and still unsure what to think then you don’t trust him. Even if you somehow made yourself comfortable with this issue, what about the next time he goes away, would you trust him to not repeat this behaviour? It doesn’t sound like you would. I don’t think that’s a foundation for a healthy relationship.

Original poster
blahblahblah12345678910 · 23/11/2021 23:08

@blahblahblah12345678910

Before I begin I'm aware this sounds very Jeremy Kyle Show but I'm looking for genuine responses please. Boyfriend went away for work course in March when I was 2 months pregnant, I later found various messages on his phone. Two to a work colleague about 'perving' on women and one conversation consisting of two messages; 'I'm half an hour away from the hotel xx' and then his response, 'Ok babe xx'. Initially when I confronted them he reacted really badly and snatched the phone off me and deleted the messages. His explanation was that it had been banter between him and a male work colleague which I obviously did not believe. I broke it off with him but he begged for me back and said he would do a lie detector test. For various reasons this was only done yesterday. My three questions were; 1. Was the text message (about the hotel) really to a male colleague, 2. Did you intend to have sexual relations with anyone and 3. Did you have sexual relations with anyone. He failed the first question and admitted that it was a women he met on the course but he is just saying everyone exchanged numbers and he doesn't know why she text him. The second question about intentions on sexual relations he got 57 on, which is technically a pass meaning that he didn't have any intentions. The third question he passed with nearly 100. Our baby is 1 month old now. I'm just not sure what to do.
He paid £400 for the test also.
OP posts:
Idontlikeprosecco · 23/11/2021 23:14

This sounds ridiculous.
Comes across that you've made your mind up that he's being dishonest despite the £400 "lie detector" saying he isn't lying and want us to validate your feelings.

Only he knows what he's done and only you know if you can put this behind you.

ChargingBuck · 23/11/2021 23:45

Two to a work colleague about 'perving' on women and one conversation consisting of two messages; 'I'm half an hour away from the hotel xx' and then his response, 'Ok babe xx'.

& you needed a lie detector because ..?

Are you actually needing him to agree with you that he's a cheating perv before you you feel you have permission to dump him?

Why not just dump, & be done with it?
He's clearly a cheating perv.

JunoMcDuff · 24/11/2021 00:07

Do you trust him?

You either trust him or you don't and a polygraph won't change that.

If you don't, then leave him.

user1471457751 · 24/11/2021 00:13

@Idontlikeprosecco except he was lying - he claimed his messages were to a male colleague, it was only after the lie detector that he admitted it was a woman. That means, not only did he call another woman baby, he has then spent months lying to his pregnant partner about it

AnnieSnap · 24/11/2021 00:21

Seriously? People can book and pay for a lie detector test? Are you sure he had one and didn’t just concoct paperwork? Anyway, if he did you should know that it is very easy the ‘trick’ a lie detector (a quick Google tells you how), which is why they are not used for anything sensible in the UK!

NigellaAwesome · 24/11/2021 00:35

You don't trust him. Nor would I. This relationship is dead, regardless of any lie detector test.

RaisedByPangolins · 24/11/2021 01:49

Did you actually use the phrase “sexual relations”? Is your DP Bill Clinton?

He lied, he perved, he called another woman babe on his way to meeting up with her at a hotel. That would be enough for me.

madisonbridges · 24/11/2021 02:05

The op's not long since had a baby! Of course she doesn't want split up. Leaving with a 1 month old is a lot easier to tell other people to do than to actually do it yourself.
Op, it's impossible to comment in the reliability of the test because no one knows who carried it out. Tests can be unreliable but that's usually (unless you've be trained) to do with taking some form of tranquillising agent. Could be drugs, could be alcohol. It's anything that will stop the heartbeat from speeding up which is what the tests judge.
The fact that he came up with three different results, fail, close pass and pass, could mean that the test has distinguished between his different reactions. However, he could, of course, have just got better at controlling his reactions. If it was a good tester, I'd expect the questions to be asked more than once to get a feeling of consistency.
If you do doubt the tests, maybe it's best to ask yourself if you're happy to continue the relationship with the attendant risk that he might cheat / attempt to cheat again.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/11/2021 02:10

If the relationship has devolved to the point when a lie detector tests sounds like a reasonable idea, it's already over.

videobaby123 · 24/11/2021 02:15

Two to a work colleague about 'perving' on women and one conversation consisting of two messages; 'I'm half an hour away from the hotel xx' and then his response, 'Ok babe xx'.

Not being funny but it doesn't get much clearer than that. As pp have said, if you've gotten to the stage of doing a lie detector test then it's honestly over. That's extreme measures and you seem to have made up your mind by stating it was £400 that he paid for. I understand you're pregnant but the two of you can co parent at least?
Why be in a relationship with this guy who'd cheat on you when pregnant? The lowest of the low

Pinkbonbon · 24/11/2021 03:26

Who gives a diddelyshit if he sold his soul to get the lie detector test, if he wasn't a fake, lying, pervy creep(who had the nerve to gaslight you when you called him out on it) then he wouldn't have had to take it! It's all his own doing. You don't owe this jerk anything.

Kanaloa · 24/11/2021 03:30

You could have just given me £400 and I would have told you he’s lying.

What kind of freaky weird banter would that be? Almost at the hotel xx lol I’m mad me.

Sorry though. With a small baby this is the last thing you need. And for him to lie about it is the lowest of the low.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 24/11/2021 06:45

Did he meet with the female colleague?
If you think you can get over all this and he’s otherwise a great partner it might be worth a try as he didn’t actually do anything. But it sounds toxic TBH.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 24/11/2021 08:33

You might not know if he's a cheat, but you know he's a liar

SelfIdentifiedRightsHoarder · 24/11/2021 10:01

Well, lie detectors aren't accurate at all. If thwy were, we wouldn't bother having a judicial court system. Hundreds of things can affect the outcome. But if you're at a stage in your relationship where you feel the need for a lie detector, I would say your relationship is over, sorry 💐

Bookworm20 · 24/11/2021 16:37

Lie detectors are easy to cheat. The questions have to be very very specific and even then its easy to trick it.
He came clean with the first question, because the others he thought he'd got away with.
So admitting a bit more to the first one, would make you believe the whole test was legit and believe the other 2 questions results were also right.

Or his interpretation of sexual relations is having actual full sex. perhaps there wasn't actual sex but oral or other fooling a round.

I bet he breathed a huge sigh of relief when he realised he'd got away with it.
I'm sorry, but it doesn't look good.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 24/11/2021 16:57

Many years ago I took part in a daft experiment in front of a group of undergraduates.

We established some basic facts about me and a couple of baseline lies. Then I took a few minutes, in front of the crowd, and started to answer random questions with obvious lies, like are you really a tyrannosaurus rex in a dress? I said yes and passed. Are you [repeated question about my name]? I said no and passed.

I have done this a couple of times and rarely got caught in a lie. How? I use the same breathing technique I use to calm my nerves at the dentist, when presenting in front of a crowd, etc. Sting might call it Tantric Breathing 😊

It also can't tell if you are lying but have convinced yourself you are not, or you don't believe the question parameters. So sexual contact can be passed if someone is determined that a grip and a snog is just part and parcel of a good night out.

They REALLY aren't reliable. Just money spinners

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