Ever had a therapy session end weirdly?

[TheRigatonini]

I just have, which is why I’m asking lol.

Not quite sure what to make of it now.

I started the course of sessions (open ended) wrt a few different things, quite wide ranging, one of which in particular (a family relationship) has dominated the last few sessions.

There are a whole number of things I felt it would be useful to talk about and this week I really wanted to move away from this earlier topic (I would have just been repeating the same things again) and there was something quite specific I wanted to talk about.

It is something I have from early on that this therapist talks a lot (the sessions are prob close to 50/50 each active talking) and likes to spend time expressing their thoughts on things and I do spend a lot of the sessions listening to what they think, which mostly is fine as I like them on a personal level and enjoy the general rapport. Sometimes this has meant being a bit patient and letting them ‘pontificate’ a bit, which I’ve chosen to go along with as I like their general character. They often allow the sessions to run over for us to finish covering something, so I’ve felt like it evens out and they might even be aware they like to talk a bit and compensate in this way (or maybe not, I don’t know).

Anyway, today I said that I’d kind of parked this one topic as I didn’t feel it was fruitful to keep talking and thinking about it for now. They kept bringing the session back to this topic however and prompting me to talk about it more. I obliged somewhat but found myself repeating the same things we’ve already gone through so kept it brief with the hope we could move on. I didn’t have anything to add today.

It got to about 3/4 of the way through the session and I was a bit frustrated by this point as I really wasn’t interested in talking about this topic anymore and they were kind of continuing to prompt me to say the same things I’ve said in previous sessions. (Themselves echoing the same things they’ve said in previous sessions). I mentioned that there was something else in particular I’d been hoping to talk about. It was close to the end of the session by then and they kind of apologised as they said in hindsight maybe they shouldn’t have kept pushing this topic. Ok no probs.

The vibe felt a bit uneasy and they seemed almost a bit ‘off’ for a mo and then apologetic as they felt I’d had a ‘bad‘ session.

Then they mentioned that I might or might not want to continue with the sessions and to let them know and glanced at the time and said something like, ok well we should wrap up as time’s almost up. Wouldn’t think anything of this normally, but as mentioned above this is very much in contrast to other sessions, which I often discover have run over (the clock is behind me in the room). Have been going weekly for several months now, maybe 3?

I was surprised at the suggestion I might want to discontinue the sessions and at the sudden rush to finish up. Things just felt a bit unsettled and odd. They asked if everything was ok – I wasn’t quite sure how to read the situation or what to say. I said I felt a bit uncomfortable and surprised at the suggestion I might stop the weekly sessions.

They asked if I needed a minute then came back and asked if I wanted to speak to their partner (in the house somewhere) who is also a counsellor. I was like ?!?! No?!

By this point it felt like the session was out of control and although I felt upset, I felt like there was nothing else but to wrap up and leave. It all just felt v weird but didn’t know what to say. I left feeling quite unsettled and upset.

Now I’m not quite sure what to do – I think they’re a well intentioned person etc but it just went weird. I was going to text but feit odd and unsure what to say. I wondered if they might follow up with a text but they haven’t.

Has anyone else experienced similar and if so how did you handle it?! Have you followed up a session that went off-piste with a ‘debrief’ with the therapist about what happened, to clear the air? Is it time to cut my losses and move on? Is it too difficult to backtrack once something’s gone a bit awkward like that? The sessions have been good otherwise and helpful, and I felt we’d built a good rapport, so feel a bit disappointed about this.

Now I’m not quite sure what to do – I think they’re a well intentioned person etc but it just went weird.

I think you would feel that they could hurt you/be upsetting. My default position is to no longer see anyone at all that I feel that way about.

In the past sessions have been allowed to run over by as much as half an hour (I can’t see the clock and haven’t noticed as I’m lost in talking). Or I have noticed, have apologised and they’ve said don’t worry we can go over a bit.

This is yet another sign they're a bit shit at their job/amateurish.

You're paying for the session and they're wasting your time and money if they go on longwindedly about stuff that's irrelevant.

They sound crap and unprofessional all round. Please avoid them annd don't have any further sessions- cancel any you havee left and you'll hopefully get some of your money back.

@Coffeetree IKR? And I paid for the privilege.

You need a new therapist!

If you look on www.BPC.org.uk that is the professional body for psychodynamic/psychoanalytic psychotherapists.

To register with them you need to do rigorous training plus a lot of work on yourself in your own personal therapy or analysis.

Boundaries are of paramount importance. Psychoanalytic therapy makes a space for you to talk and the therapist will reflect on what is happening.

Please get yourself a decent therapist! This going over time and bringing in her partner is dreadful practice.

Thanks @Bumpsadaisie !

I’m not looking for psychoanalysis, but agree with the point about boundaries.

I had a friend who trained as a counsellor (although not in the school of psychoanalysis) and I remember well how intense the course was on a personal level as well as in terms of the academics.

Funnily enough, by pure coincidence, this was something my therapist made mention of today – the fact you need, as a therapist, to ensure you’re very self-aware and not projecting personal stuff onto a session. They actually specifically said that when they’re with a client they find it quite easy to put any personal stuff/baggage/worries aside and switch it off.

Funnily enough, by pure coincidence, this was something my therapist made mention of today – the fact you need, as a therapist, to ensure you’re very self-aware and not projecting personal stuff onto a session. They actually specifically said that when they’re with a client they find it quite easy to put any personal stuff/baggage/worries aside and switch it off.

Sounds like she thinks very highly of herself, especially as she hadn't let the session go where you needed it to go, anyway.

@me4real

Funnily enough, by pure coincidence, this was something my therapist made mention of today – the fact you need, as a therapist, to ensure you’re very self-aware and not projecting personal stuff onto a session. They actually specifically said that when they’re with a client they find it quite easy to put any personal stuff/baggage/worries aside and switch it off.

Sounds like she thinks very highly of herself, especially as she hadn't let the session go where you needed it to go, anyway.

Yeah they’ve sort of expressed before actually that sometimes they’ll see where something is going and be waiting for a client to say something and know that they have to wait for them to say it as they can’t prompt them – which was sincere and well intentioned I think but struck me as a bit of s reductive / arrogant sentiment. Maybe the client will say something you’re not expecting! Maybe people are unique and complex? The pontificating has struck me at times as a bit unwittingly arrogant too – like perhaps listen rather than pre-empting things with your own assumptions – although I don’t think they’re an arrogant person as such.

Maybe it indicates more just a lack of imagination ?!

OP this is awful - please consider speaking to BACP about this therapist. They sound hugely unprofessional in so many ways.

@nothingcomestonothing

Yeah there definitely have been some unprofessional practices going on from the beginning which I’ve kind of been aware of but had not at that point presented an issue as such (eg the going over time – I could see this wasn’t keeping clear boundaries but also – more therapy time for the same price, wahey). With the time keeping i suppose it also gives the sense that they are in no way there begrudgingly – which clearly is part of the issue with it.... because then what about when it’s an awkward session like today and they‘re keen to get you out the door on time! They shouldn’t be extending or shortening the session depending on how ‘into’ it they are. I knew this but I ignored it tbh.

I probably won’t report them to the BACP but am considering if/what feedback I should give them.

Be honest. Say you felt uncomfortable about them pushing you to talk about something you didn't want to, that you were uncomfortable about the suggestion to speak to their partner and that you were taken aback by being asked whether you wanted to finish seeing them. That this seemed to come out of the blue and left you feeling awkward.

No, they definitely shouldn't be changing the session length based on their interest. Or holding court with their opinion. Or trying to steer the content of the session. Or thinking, let alone saying, that sometimes they can see what a client is going to say but have to keep quiet, how arrogant is that?! And as for offering to get their partner to speak to you - words fail me.

The therapy is meant to meet your needs, not theirs, and nothing you've written says that's happening, to me (BACP accredited therapist). I can understand you not wanting to report them, but selfishly I wish you would. It sounds from what you've said that they could do with a bit of support to work on their self awareness and their boundaries, at the least, and they probably won't do that off their own bat. I'm sorry you've had this experience, and I hope it doesn't put you off therapy altogether - there are good therapists out there.

I have had a similar experience lately. My therapist did some major boundary crossing by suggesting we stop counselling and he invited me to go to his house and meet his wife! I've been working with him for 6+ months and the sessions had been great until that point.
I contacted the BACP for advice and they were very helpful. It's been massively stressful. I emailed him with my concerns and then we talked it through in a session which I've made clear that I'm not paying for. I told him that I spoke to the BACP and that he acted unethically. I'm just trying to decide whether to terminate or whether we can resolve this. I really like him and I'm so angry that he has done this. Do talk to the BACP before working out your next step.

@Lightstoobright

I have had a similar experience lately. My therapist did some major boundary crossing by suggesting we stop counselling and he invited me to go to his house and meet his wife! I've been working with him for 6+ months and the sessions had been great until that point. I contacted the BACP for advice and they were very helpful. It's been massively stressful. I emailed him with my concerns and then we talked it through in a session which I've made clear that I'm not paying for. I told him that I spoke to the BACP and that he acted unethically. I'm just trying to decide whether to terminate or whether we can resolve this. I really like him and I'm so angry that he has done this. Do talk to the BACP before working out your next step.

Wow @Lightstoobright I’m so sorry you’ve had that experience. I can totally understand why that would be stressful – I would be very distressed and disappointed by that. After you’ve invested 6 months worth of money and time into that therapeutic relationship and developed trust and confidence in them? What on earth was he thinking??? Why would he suggest that??? And then the mental energy expended trying to work out if you can still continue with it / if it can be salvaged.

It’s making me wonder if I should contact the BACP, just for advice at least. I feel like it could make things feel a bit more ‘orderly‘ after this being a bit odd.

@nothingcomestonothing

No, they definitely shouldn't be changing the session length based on their interest. Or holding court with their opinion. Or trying to steer the content of the session. Or thinking, let alone saying, that sometimes they can see what a client is going to say but have to keep quiet, how arrogant is that?! And as for offering to get their partner to speak to you - words fail me.

The therapy is meant to meet your needs, not theirs, and nothing you've written says that's happening, to me (BACP accredited therapist). I can understand you not wanting to report them, but selfishly I wish you would. It sounds from what you've said that they could do with a bit of support to work on their self awareness and their boundaries, at the least, and they probably won't do that off their own bat. I'm sorry you've had this experience, and I hope it doesn't put you off therapy altogether - there are good therapists out there.

Thanks @nothingcomestonothing

Yes, I’m going to think about it – if not to report them then perhaps just to seek some advice and clarity.

I have no idea what he was thinking. He has a degree in counselling and is a very experienced counsellor and a supervisor to other counsellors, which is part of the reason I chose him! When I confronted him about him he looked incredibly embarrassed and said that he got carried away and that I was different from his other clients. All red flags.
BACP were helpful in categorically stating this his behaviour was unethical and they advised me to terminate sessions. Like I said, I do really like him so I'm trying to see if I can salvage it but I'm probably being naive.
Sorry, you have my sympathies. It's massively unsettling and disappointing to be let down by a therapist whose hold job is to hold boundaries and create a safe space for you.

@Lightstoobright

That’s good that the BACP were able to give clear feedback and offer support. I hope you manage to reach a path you’re happy with with the therapist.

An unprofessional set-up. Move on to someone else .... not the partner!

@Mischance

An unprofessional set-up. Move on to someone else .... not the partner!

I don’t know much about different forms if therapy so I can only speak from own experience but my therapists have usually had 2 main roles,1) to actively listen to what I am saying and reflect back to me my own thoughts and 2) to correct any psychological damage in my thinking that occurred as a result of abuse and conditioning. I don’t think I could be doing with hearing a huge amount of my therapist’s thoughts on things like you are getting and that ending was just plain bizarre. It sounds like her own ego is getting in there a bit inappropriately.

I’m not with BACP anymore (with BABCP now) but I remember they used to have a magazine called ‘therapy today’ which used to have a feature where they published an account of clients complaints and outcomes. Some of the stuff the ‘therapists’ were doing was outrageous and I was that anyone would think it was ok!

The standard BACP sanctions seemed to be to get them write a 1500 word reflective piece in why that wasn’t ok and they won’t do it again. Mad.

@JudyGemstone

I’m not with BACP anymore (with BABCP now) but I remember they used to have a magazine called ‘therapy today’ which used to have a feature where they published an account of clients complaints and outcomes. Some of the stuff the ‘therapists’ were doing was outrageous and I was that anyone would think it was ok!

The standard BACP sanctions seemed to be to get them write a 1500 word reflective piece in why that wasn’t ok and they won’t do it again. Mad.

What, they have to write an essay???

That’s hilarious. Seriously!

I think that all sounds a bit odd but asking if you want to speak to their partner is a violation of professional conduct, surely, and would need reporting to the appropriate regulator body.

@Muttly

I don’t know much about different forms if therapy so I can only speak from own experience but my therapists have usually had 2 main roles,1) to actively listen to what I am saying and reflect back to me my own thoughts and 2) to correct any psychological damage in my thinking that occurred as a result of abuse and conditioning. I don’t think I could be doing with hearing a huge amount of my therapist’s thoughts on things like you are getting and that ending was just plain bizarre. It sounds like her own ego is getting in there a bit inappropriately.

Yeah that’s been my experience in the past really. I found it a bit irritating at first as I felt they would jump in with their own assumptions and would not wait to listen thoroughly to what I was saying before attempting to reflect it back to me. But on balance I found the sessions useful and liked their general persona.

I mean I felt that it was kind of a small irritation that I was prepared to accept, although if the sessions hadn’t been running over I would probably have lost patience a lot sooner about my money being spent on listening to them talk so much.

This is kind of what happened at this recent session – I specifically wanted to talk about a certain thing during my £50 (!) session, and said at the beginning I was putting the other topic aside for a bit. But they had their own agenda and had decided I would be best off talking about this same topic again. I tried to steer it away politely but by the end was just feeling irritated that I was having my time and money wasted talking about something I had no interest in covering (as we’d already rinsed it in previous weeks, for now anyway).

They tried to tell me that they wouldn’t be fulfilling their ethical duty if they didn’t pick up on it again but I think this was bollocks really – there was honestly nothing new to say, and indeed in earlier weeks they’ve suggested at the start of a session moving onto something different (eg a bit lighter) when the previous session has covered a given topic quite intensely. I think they just had a pre-planned idea of where they wanted the session to go.

@kokokokokokokokoko

I think that all sounds a bit odd but asking if you want to speak to their partner is a violation of professional conduct, surely, and would need reporting to the appropriate regulator body.

Yeah it’s crazy. I can’t think won what they planet they could possibly have thought that was appropriate. I was aghast.

Excuse the autocorrect gobbledygook!