Good god...how on earth do I catch up?! so good there are so many of us here now to support each other!
Things that I have thoughts on...
Photos - yep totally relate to embarrassing one's, screaming at my mother to not to take another one, asking her not to, growling at her not to take one, telling her to piss off...no respect for my feelings whatsoever. And she will generally take one out and go 'oh weren't you sweet' in a really patronising way...she does sickly pass me the bucket sweet patronising thing very well. But she's a caring and loving mother and that's what they do, according to her.
Smithfield, just wrote an essay and deleted! Okay...I separated from mother at 8 mths pg. I got cards, things brought by 'accident' by my dad from her, then they turned up on doorstep when we had just come back from hospital with our dd. Obviously my dad and mother did not care that, as I had told my dad on phone, I had had epidural, pethidine, hours of labour, no sleep for 2 nights, high blood pressure still (had pre-eclampsia) and was trying to cope with a new baby. No, no, no...what mattered was, mum. She bewailed it all on the doorstep, to my dh luckily. I was in a very bleak place at the time and was for sometime after. However I think having this thread and all you lovely ladies would have made all the difference. I was only in phone contact with my therapist and had got quite 'unconnected' with him so I did feel totally alone with it all. My dh was great, but he was so honest about my parents I felt he was being unfair to them and they 'weren't that bad'. I really really really wish I had had this thread then!
So anyway...that was my experience. As you will know, hormones are a bugger for making things worse than they are so do what you feel you are able to do. I think with my mother I had hobson's choice (oh how I loathe that book from my gcse's...) she wanted to be camped out at mine, saw it as her right as a grandmother and as my mother and to be all lovey dovey to me which quite frankly made me nauseous and furious (not sure that's what she intends by 'mothering' me but there you go). Go with what seems the best decision for you at this time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, I think I would have tried to get more support in place and still have sent the letter. But if I could have got away with texts and a brief visit and no hassles I would have done. Anyway you know what your mother was like when your first dc was born...let that be part of your decision too.
Whatever you choose, it will be the right decision for you and your dh and dc. Not your mother or sister.
Okay thats all for now...it takes sooo long for me to type all my thoughts out then delete them to rewrite them again....suppose its a legacy of being around someone who opened their mouth...then thought about what they said...or not must get back on later to read all I missed...only scan read...