He goes in a mood when I don’t want sex

[Bookworm11]

Just that really. It’s really pissing me off and I need to let it off my chest. I rarely turn him down but there are times when I tell him I’m not really in the mood. Like last night, it was midnight, I had to be up at 6am and I had a migraine. I told him this and he accused me of lying about it (I wasn’t, I get them quite a lot) he then turned over and wouldn’t speak to me. I wouldn’t mind, (sorry tmi) but we had it the day before and the day before that, so it’s not like won’t don’t have it. Sometimes it puts me off him. He can’t give me a kiss or a hug without him trying to turn it into sex. It’s as if he only shows me affection when he wants it. There’s times when I’ve told him no and he’s still tried to do it. But then he makes me feel guilty and weird for not wanting it all the time. It’s driving me mad

@Immaculatemisconception Sorry to hear that. I agree, I think it's really damaging.

When it comes to processing trauma, EMDR rules x

My DH is the same. I have it shoved in my mouth in the morning I’ve been forced to give him a bj after going to the hospital to identify my DF’s body, over the years it’s got better but tbh it’s killed that side of the relationship for me.

@Writerkelly

My DH is the same. I have it shoved in my mouth in the morning I’ve been forced to give him a bj after going to the hospital to identify my DF’s body, over the years it’s got better but tbh it’s killed that side of the relationship for me.

Please, please, please leave your partner. This is one of the worst things I've read on here.

@youvegottenminuteslynn thing is you kind of normalise over the years but you’re right it is awful.

[quote Writerkelly]@youvegottenminuteslynn thing is you kind of normalise over the years but you’re right it is awful.[/quote]
Do you have kids? If so please let that power you even more to want to leave. Imagine if their future partner did those things to them 😞 it's utterly horrific. He's sexually assaulted you. That isn't love. It's nowhere close.

@Writerkelly Wow that is shocking. So sorry about that I know what you mean by normalising it. I’ve had it shoved in my face, been woken up by him touching me. You know it’s out of order but when it’s gone on for so long you start to believe it’s ‘normal’

I am the OP by the way

Nothing more sexy than a sulking, manipulative man child

@Writerkelly

My DH is the same. I have it shoved in my mouth in the morning I’ve been forced to give him a bj after going to the hospital to identify my DF’s body, over the years it’s got better but tbh it’s killed that side of the relationship for me.

Omfg this is so horrifying and NOT NORMAL. What you have described is rape.

Please call women's aid and make a plan to leave. You don't have to live like this.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

'You just have to lie there'...urgh that's vile

I'd be asking him if he knows that if you have to persuade someone into having sex with them then it's not freely given consent and ask him if he knows what someone who has sex with women without obtaining freely given consent is? Ask him why he thinks it's ok for him to have sex with someone who isnt actively participating and enjoying it. Does he think sex is just for his benefit and not a mutually enjoyable thing? How does he think it makes you feel when he is sulking? When you are only shown affection because he wants sex?To me, that comment shows he thinks you're nothing more than some kind of human wank sock.

My husband used to do this when drunk. He doesn't drink often but when he did he used to get really annoyed at me if I didn't consent to sex. (I really don't find a drunk guy sexy when I'm sober so if he'd been drinking I always say no), after I'd say no he would continue to grope me until I would give in. In the end after a particularly upsetting episode I just sat him down the next morning and explained to him that this wasn't OK it was essentially rape, he appeared horrified at himself when he looked at it objectively and he gave up drinking that day. This was 5 years ago and we haven't looked back.

@Writerkelly

My DH is the same. I have it shoved in my mouth in the morning I’ve been forced to give him a bj after going to the hospital to identify my DF’s body, over the years it’s got better but tbh it’s killed that side of the relationship for me.

I’m so upset to read that. Please leave him. 💐

@Silverclasp

My husband used to do this when drunk. He doesn't drink often but when he did he used to get really annoyed at me if I didn't consent to sex. (I really don't find a drunk guy sexy when I'm sober so if he'd been drinking I always say no), after I'd say no he would continue to grope me until I would give in. In the end after a particularly upsetting episode I just sat him down the next morning and explained to him that this wasn't OK it was essentially rape, he appeared horrified at himself when he looked at it objectively and he gave up drinking that day. This was 5 years ago and we haven't looked back.

I'm glad that you spoke to him.

However, you are in a tiny minority. Most men like this will never ever change and they should be left as quickly and safely as possible.

My ex was a sucker if I said no I just let him get on it for a quiet life, best Christmas and birthday present to me on period meant no sex I’d rejoice when that happened.

I agree @Animood and it's terrifying a man would need to be sat down and told that it's not acceptable to grope a woman saying no until she gives in aka coercion and rape. It's so upsetting that a man needs to be told that and that he would be almost congratulated or praised for stopping it when a man who does that (once, let alone repeatedly) is not a suitable partner. He's someone who sexually assaults women.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I agree *@Animood* and it's terrifying a man would need to be sat down and told that it's not acceptable to grope a woman saying no until she gives in aka coercion and rape. It's so upsetting that a man needs to be told that and that he would be almost congratulated or praised for stopping it when a man who does that (once, let alone repeatedly) is not a suitable partner. He's someone who sexually assaults women.

Agree. He is not a suitable partner for anyone.

I just needed to say what I said because it was as if PP was saying "they can change because mine did". (Obv I'm very happy PP is not being assaulted any more and hope she stays safe.)

But I'm sorry Nope. No they don't change. They never change. They're rapists. They aren't suitable for any intimate relationship and likely never will be. The only solution is to leave as safely and quickly as possible.

With all due respect but we should not have to explain this to a grown person. They should already know that they cannot take something that is not theirs and was not offered to them freely? The problem is that they think IT is theirs, that the woman and her body IS their property and they can do with it what they choose.