Where to start, the absolute main point here is that I am 40yrs old never had a child and desperately want a family and if I break up with my partner it's very unlikely I will have that.
So we get along well but whenever I bring up an issue he quickly turns to anger and shouts at me that I'm y'all he wants is to relax at the weekend and I ruin it'. We have been together 2 years and I've always seen him as emotionally immature and dont know how to handle issues with him cause in last relationships you talk it out or bicker but resolve it but he goes from 1 to 10 and makes me feel bad for ever having any issues. For e.g.. I've put on weight after 2 miscarriages in the last year and getting ready to go out I got upset and frustrated that I looked horrible, he did try initially for 2 mins by saying you look good but because I carried on venting my frustration that I'm working out everyday with no results he quickly he stopped listening and literally ignored me looking at his phone. I was so frustrated and asked him to at least act like he cared and that was it - he goes mental starts storming about that I've ruined his weekend he just wants a peaceful life blah blah getting aggressive and verbally abusive. I know it must be frustrating to want to chill out and your partner is upset but most adults accept this as part of a relationship and supporting their partner??? I have never had a relationship like this, he is so immature. I look after everything house wise - I work from home and he uses that against me constantly that he works harder than me so I do all household duties. He doesn't have to do anything! The house is clean and dinner on table when he gets home, but I get frustrated yes when he leaves mess for me to clean up and if I share mention it he goes mental and blamed me for causing problems and that he just wants to relax when he gets home from work.. ..
Anyway sorry for the ramble, if I was younger I would have left him by now but I want a child, never had one and as I said I'm 40. He wants one too because he thinks it will give his life a purpose - he can't give any good reason for having one other than that and I've tried to talk to him about how we would handle the stress of a baby but he literally won't talk about - I honestly swing between thinking he is autistic to just immature. If I leave him now the chances of me having s child are so unlikely and the upside is that life was difficult alone - I work from home so need a 2 bedroom place and it's a cobsysnt struggle and of course we get on when there aren't issues and I like the companionship. I feel so trapped. I know people will just say leave but then I'm alone and childless is that really better? I'm so sad at the thought of not having a baby 😔