Hi everyone,
Just to update. I went out on Saturday with our mutual friends - and he turned up!! He knew I was going, and he didn't tell anyone he was coming...it was very awkward. We both kind of just avoided eachother, but at one point I came out the toilet and he was right in front of me so I said hello.
He looked upset and angry/hurt. He asked me if I got his text, I said no. He said "oh so you blocked my number as well as on WhatsApp - childish"
I said I could understand why blocking him was hurtful, but that I was really hurt he didn't reply to me.
So basically something else that happened was a mutual friend told me that he thinks the guy I'm dating likes someone, we will call her Sophie. And he also mentioned that he spent all evening chatting to a few girls in a bar a few weeks ago. I mentioned this in my message and he said he was really pissed off that was why he didnt reply...that he felt accused and attacked, that I clearly believed our friend, who he said is telling me this because he wants to "get in my knickers". He said that trust is the most important thing in a relationship, if I ask him about this, where will it end and will he not be allowed to go out at all eventually? I really did not accuse or attack him, i literally said it like "Adam told me that you like Sophie, I just wanted to ask you about that?" And then awkwardly laughing "he also said that you were chatting up a few girls the other night, I'm just a bit worried as I really like you and just want to know where I stand" (I sent it as a voice message specifically so he could hear my tone of voice wasnt attacking him!)
He said I was hypocritical and how many guys have I spoken to that night?
I said this is different, we are out as a group of friends, I'm only talking to my Male friends, I am not talking to any strangers at the bar. And I really wasnt attacking or accusing him, I just thought if you do like Sophie, or have met someone else, I'd rather ask you. Our friend also didnt know we were dating so he was completely innocently making these comments.
He said so if a guy came and spoke to you at a bar you wouldn't talk to him? I said no, if I was dating someone, I wouldn't be interested in talking to a stranger on a night out, that if someone struck up a conversation, I'd maybe make a bit of small talk and then excuse myself.
He said he didn't reply because he was unwell, and that he was pissed off and felt accused. He told me not to believe everything I hear (even though he never actually denied it, and said he did talk to some girls but didnt dance or kiss them, was just being social)
He said he isn't looking for a relationship. That he has multiple issues he needs to work on, physical and mental, and that he just can't connect emotionally or physically. He said he just can't do relationships, he can't open up to people, and that I need someone who can offer me stability and be open.
He said our friends had already decided he isn't good enough for me, and that I will find someone better. He said how he didn't want to burden me.
I just said that surely if you liked someone enough, even if you were bad at relationships you would want to at least try because you wouldn't want to miss the opportunity with that person. He just kept saying he can't connect to anyone (he has been single for years and years BTW) that it takes him ages to get to know someone, he can't trust people etc..
He said he still wants to be my friend and I can still message him, I said I wouldn't be contacting him.
I think the red flags were there at the start and i just ignored them. He is in his mid thirties and has been single for years and years, only had 1 relationship when he was much younger. He was always very guarded and closed off and wouldn't open up. Very avoidant.
He didnt apologise once about anything and I felt was trying to deflect everything onto me.
He clearly does have issues, but surely if you liked someone enough you would want to work through them for that person? Or maybe some people just can't connect and don't care