Husband a possible cocaine user? Don't know what to do.

[Vamoosh80]

Feeling all over the place. This morning when returning from taking my two young children to school I found a white bag of powder and a cut down straw on my driveway. I'm not a user but thought it looked like cocaine. Confronted my husband who admitted it was coke and was his given to him by a "customer" (he is a tradesman). He said he'd trimmed the straw in anticipation of taking it but thought better of it and was going to dispose of it at which point it's fallen out of a pocket. Assures me a one off and he's not a user. I think this is bullshit but I've got no idea. He's been massively irritable recently but that's the only change and in fact he said the reason he wanted to take it in the first place is because he feels down. Is he talking shite or could it be a coincidence that I've discovered it this time and it was a one off? Help me I feel sick!

That all sounds dodgy - someone gave him some Cocaine? People don't give drugs away. I think he's being shifty.

Lying goes together with coke

People don't give away coke.

People who don't take coke already don't know to cut up a straw and certainly don't actually do so.

He's lying.

The tests are 100% reliable( I used them on my ex partner ),Look at the bank statements! Nobody gives coke away, I had no idea my ex was doing it until it was too late and he had run up debt ..alot of debt..I can tell straight away now ( when I bump into him ) runny nose,large pupils,agitated,always drinking ( water,juice and alcohol ) he's lost everything,job,family,car but he doesn't care,sending hugs x

Did you make him take a test today?

@TacCat49

Drug dealers do not give out cocaine for 'free'. Ask him how much of the family income he spent on this muck?

They do actually. Its what hooks 'new clients' in.

Op it sound like he has been taking it for a bit. ask him to do the test and go from there. It doesn't mean its the end of your marriage, he just needs to proactively seek help eg, therapist, drug councillor. My friend had no idea her DH was hooked on it. He confessed and she went ballistic but he wanted to keep his family so worked his arse off to make amends

I have to agree with tac there is no such thing as free coke.

Loads of coke around dunno what trade but I know some mechanics lorry drivers motorbike builders and they all over it and flogging it.

20 years? No money vanishing? No nipping off to bog every 30 mins? Not getting really quiet or taking loads? Snuffling all the time? Going to bed late, twitchiness then popping out for feeble reasons?

He's v stressed?

20 years I'd say just talk to him.

Imo no one who is in any way interested would put it in open pocket. Too easy to lose. No one would not notice lost immediately and go looking. If he was into it he would be on it soon as in door. Lost and didn't look? Nah.

I inclined to believe him. Talk to him.

Drug testing is weird tbh. To me. Just talk to him.

No one gives free coke and no one who wants it even slightly doesn't realise if lost immediately and hunt for it.

It takes a fair while to get addicted. Creeps up. Same as booze.

One wrap isn't going to do it unless you were previous addict/ heavy user and gave it up.

How transparent are his finances to you?

Why was he so careless about it?

Thanks everyone for your replies.
So by way of an update. Yes, he took a drugs test and it was negative. He took it without complaining. I did 2 just incase one was wrong. Said he was a bit sad I didn't just believe him but understands why I asked for the test.
By way of background, yes we've been together a long time and I've never seen signs of it. We socialise together (not that we do it often as we have young children) and he doesn't sneak off etc. Apart from the recent irritability I've not noticed anything odd.
We have very separate finances so I have no idea about money habits having changed but nothing obvious.
Sat him down and he said he's stressed and struggling. He recently started a new business and with covid he's been working hard to stay afloat I think. We're lucky that I earn enough to see us through but he's quite upset about it. He's agreed to go and see GP. He said he "feels numb" about life and finds he's not enjoying things so I wonder if he's depressed.
The reason it appeared on my drive is apparently because he was taking it away to get rid of it having decided on balance not to go there and not wanting it in the house. He said he took it with him when he went to work thinking he'd find a bin etc. I found it over an hour later so he definitely didn't notice immediately it was gone.
He says he was in a customers house and they got chatting about clubbing "back in the day" etc and DH said he's been feeling a bit low and tired and the guy gave him a small bag to "sort him out" and to call him if he liked it. That's the part I'm struggling with as who does that to strangers?! Anyway upshot is DH took it away with him which is obviously an issue.as is having it in my house with my children around.
But for now it doesn't appear he's an habitual user but I'm still upset by it. I will ask him to do more drug tests randomly to be sure (which is mental in itself right?). But after 20 years (he's a great dad, no other issues or complaints) I've decided to give him the benefit of doubt and try to help him through this low patch if it is depression. In the meantime I need to decide how I feel about this. I never thought I'd have to drug test my own spouse so I'm still not happy and I'm undecided as to whether this is too big a long crossed for our marriage to survive.

Said he was a bit sad I didn't just believe him but understands why I asked for the test.

Bit sad you don't believe him when he didn't tell you about being offered coke until you found the baggie and straw and he had accepted it...

How ridiculously self indulgent of him.

I suppose liars lie. And you only realise they are liars when you catch them out.

That's the part I'm struggling with as who does that to strangers?!

Somebody who's looking for customers. It doesn't mean your DH is one.

Tbh OP I believe him. I mean maybe he bought a bit or got given. But no one who is doing it on the regular loses it and doesn't realise quick smart and go looking. And he's showing no other signs of using generally.

He needs to get to GP for mood.

Keep talking to him.

It's been years together. He really doesn't sound like doing on the regular at all.

The straw is the give away.. he's got a habit ..

@Vamoosh80 so sorry to hear your going through this. It does sound so thought out and planned especially with the cut down straw i dont believe its a one off. Sadly a user or addict will never admit to it unless you stand with the physical evidence in your hand. My ex was a cocaine user hence hes now an ex. Went back to using multiple times kept hiding it in his pockets, inside socks, shoes etc. I was suspicious he was using as for me the signs i noticed where sleep pattern was off-up at random hours of the night, kept sniffing more and blowing nose taking ages in the bathroom, became increasingly angry and irritable. Would always deny it swearing down on mine and our childs life but everytime i followed my gut and ended up having to find the bag so i knew i wasnt going mental and that he was lying to me. Just dont turn into me we tried drug addiction services etc. May not be a full blown addiction could just use socially but it depends on ur stance on drugs and if it is affecting ur family lives with you saying he is becoming angry and also the obvious danger of kids around could possibly find drugs. massive handhold. Trust ur gut be careful he doesnt get angry when u confront him to do the drugs test. Also think of the financial impact drugs can have too, my partner ran up secret debt, we where struggling meanwhile he was sniffing away money. Watch out for signs and trust ur gut , maybe get some support from his family if you can.

You sound like a really nice person op.
I hope he proves you right to trust him but to me if it smells like bullshit, it probably is. And this smells like bullshit.

The taking it to work to find a bin? Bollocks.

He wasn’t go to take it but he had his little straw cut out and ready? More bollocks.

Good luck with it all. Fingers crossed for you it's as innocent as he says

@WTF475878237NC yeah me too. Time will tell. I guess you never really know a person. It's actually my birthday today and we'd promised the kids we'd go out somewhere together. It all feels so false but I'm trying. When we discussed it I said to him this was the time to level about it because if I discover anything from this point in I'm leaving. As people have said though a liar will lie. Makes me question my judgement and wonder what else might be going on that I'm unaware of!

I think I’d believe him , loads of modern films show drug use so I’d know I’d need a rolled up
Bank note or a straw and I’ve never touched the stuff or known anyone take it in front of me etc

Happy birthday! I hope he spoils you.

the cocaine and flushed it down the toilet myself.

Please do not flush it down the toilet!! It will end up in the drinking water.
Google it.

Just chuck it in the bin.

Bin him too. Your life will be so much better without money going down the drain on drugs.

Apart from supplying the world-wide coke mafia, the environment is being fucked up too with chemicals thrown into south american rivers, as well as here.

Think about it.

Coke fucks peope up. Mentally, physically. environmentally.

Prostitution is driven by it too.