Is he into me?

[Pineapple177]

So I’ve been dating this guy for a couple months now and it’s been going so well. But the last few days I can’t help but feel somethings not right but I’m unsure if it’s me. I have told him I feel like he’s not that into me and he’s reassured me, still calls me, still calls me pet names, sends me normal messages but has said ‘maybe’ to when I said about meeting up.
I really like him and I want it to carry on as he makes me feel so happy, but I don’t want to push him away by either harassing for reassurance (because nobody likes that) or laying it on thick. What shall I do? Does it seem he’s not that into me by what I’ve said, or is this all in my head.
I’m also not sure if he’s upset because I didn’t speak to him for a whole afternoon and he told me he was worried. I kinda got scared I didn’t want him to ghost me but he called me numerous times and messaged me but since has been a bit withdrawn in the way he writes his messages.
Any advice for a serial overthinker please.

Yes, stop overthinking
Easier said than done!
I think it was Shakespeare that said " Dude, chill"

It's impossible for anyone here to tell.

Stop asking for reassurance

Get some counselling so you are not reliant on anyone else for your self esteem

If it seems like he's drifting away, hold him more loosely not more tightly. Stop suggesting things and let him come to you. Make other plans if he doesn't commit to plans.

If theres a way to put folk off its constantly asking for reassurance. And coming over as a bit needy. Just don't. Only time will tell if it will work out.

The last thing I want to do is come across needy and put him off, which is why I thought best to come here.
I know it's hard for people to make judgements but even just a nudge for me will do. I feel like I don't need reassurance for self esteem it's more the fact I bloody like him and don't want it to end!
I really want to enjoy this and do it the right way.

I wouldn't be best pleased with 'maybe' in response to meeting you, sounds a bit like game playing, tell him to let you know either way and don't chase him up on it.

Rather than asking 'do you want to meet up?' maybe be a bit more specific about a time and place so you can get a more direct answer?

Hang on a minute here OP !

You said I’m also not sure if he’s upset because I didn’t speak to him for a whole afternoon and he told me he was worried

So, he was 'worried' when you didn't answer his messages for a whole afternoon ?? Erm, it sound to me like he's a 'needy fucker' !!

He actually 'was worried' because you were busy

Nah, I'm sorry, but he's never even met you, and he's trying to make you feel guilty for being too busy to respond immediately to him ??

Does he really think that he should be your priority all the time

I'd be chucking him back tbh, cos he's wayyy to 'high maintenance' for me !

If you have to ask “is he into me” the answer is usually no. I think the feeling that someone is losing interest is rarely wrong.
But the not contacting him for one afternoon thing sounds like too much hassle at this stage anyway. Sounds like he’s manipulative.

updownroundandround has it right. If he's calling and texting you loads of times because you didn't respond for an afternoon he is the needy one. No way could I deal with that.

I don't understand how you can be so invested in someone that you've never met? Until you've met him, you've no idea what you're dealing with, surely?

The real question here is why you haven't met yet? You can't have a romantic relationship online because it's so easy for the other person to misrepresent themselves.

If he's answering 'maybe' then that suggests that he's got a reason not to be serious about finding someone. It's unlikely to be that he's not into you since you've never met. You can't know if that chemistry is there anyway.

@Itsnotover I think OP has said she's 'dating' so I'm assuming they've met?

I’m not clear from the OP they haven’t met? She says they’ve been dating for a couple of months.
OP if you haven’t met then things online/with messaging can be very intense but there can be lots of reasons why someone is reluctant to make the step to meeting up such as they’re not available for a ‘real’ relationship.

But if, as I read it, he’s being vague about your next meeting, it doesn’t sound great. Try to prepare yourself it might be petering out and let him come to you if he wants.

Hmm @Itsnotover you may be right! Reading the OP back it does seem like maybe they haven’t met... I agree with everything you say

Yes we have met, many times and we have also known each other for a good three years before we started dating.
He asked me to let him know a good day to see each other and when I have suggested a day he's hit me with a maybe.
I just wanted to know if it sounded like he wasn't interested that's all.

☹️

@Pineapple177

Yes we have met, many times and we have also known each other for a good three years before we started dating. He asked me to let him know a good day to see each other and when I have suggested a day he's hit me with a maybe. I just wanted to know if it sounded like he wasn't interested that's all.

☹️

Oh I'm sorry, I've misunderstood your previous posts.

I think that if he's leaving you doubting his commitment then life's too short for that surely? Especially having known each other so long.

The thing is, in a partner, we don't just need them to be into us. We also need them to communicate that to us in a way that feels emotionally clear and safe for us.

Imagine if somebody thought you were the bees knees, and their heart pounded every time they saw you, and they demonstrated this by wanting to see you once a fortnight for an hour, and not wanting to talk about their feelings. It's no good, is it.

If you're asking the question, you're not feeling emotionally safe, and that needs to be your priority; everything else in a relationship needs to be built on that foundation, so if it's not there, the whole relationship will be unstable.

If he's told you to pick a day to meet up and then just says maybe, he's taking the piss, if it doesn't suit then he should suggest an alternative. When did he say maybe and have you spoken since?

When was the last time you went on a date with him?
Did you make an alternative suggestion for the day to meet up when he said maybe? Did he suggest something else?

I don't know really - but I'd be put off by all the drama because you didn't message for an afternoon and then coupled with the fact he couldn't arrrange another date, it was just a "maybe"

I don't know how old you are but I'm 45 and I could not be bothered with shit like that. Sounds too much like hard work to me.

And last point, always, always trust your gut.

We last met last Friday and had a lovely time and that was when he suggested me to let him know when I'm free next.
I'm not too bothered about being needy as I know I too can be needy.
We have spoken every day since, calls and messages.

I do also agree I want to feel emotionally safe with him and right now I don't but don't know how to really tell him. It's not like we are strangers.

When men want to, they find a way. If he says maybe, he could be holding out for better plans and keeping you on the back burner in case.

I'm kind of feeling very silly

I really want to enjoy this and do it the right way

What is 'the right way'?

Don't ask him for reassurance.
Has he left you hanging at "maybe" for meeting? No alternative suggestion, no reason why he's leaving it up in the air?

To be honest he's been even shorter with me today. I definitely think he's not into me just as I suspected.
Thanks for your comments.
Maybe I'll have better luck next time. 😢

@Pineapple177

So I’ve been dating this guy for a couple months now and it’s been going so well. But the last few days I can’t help but feel somethings not right but I’m unsure if it’s me. I have told him I feel like he’s not that into me and he’s reassured me, still calls me, still calls me pet names, sends me normal messages but has said ‘maybe’ to when I said about meeting up. I really like him and I want it to carry on as he makes me feel so happy, but I don’t want to push him away by either harassing for reassurance (because nobody likes that) or laying it on thick. What shall I do? Does it seem he’s not that into me by what I’ve said, or is this all in my head. I’m also not sure if he’s upset because I didn’t speak to him for a whole afternoon and he told me he was worried. I kinda got scared I didn’t want him to ghost me but he called me numerous times and messaged me but since has been a bit withdrawn in the way he writes his messages. Any advice for a serial overthinker please.

You didn't message him for one 'whole' afternoon lol. Ooh what a travesty xD

And since then he has been cold with you?

Umm sounds like he is dating you for the ego stroke and training you to jump when he says to jump, otherwise he blows cold.

Also it is not harassing someone to want to know where you stand with them and feel reassured. You have every right to know what someone wants from you several months into dating.

It sounds like this relationship is bringing out your insecurities. Which probably means he is not someone you should try to keep around.

When someone wants to be with you they are with you. And they make sure you know what they want. If you feel uneasy or like you are having to keep chasing after him to keep him from being 'off' with you then throw this one back because he is not a keeper.