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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Reporting my DH

36 replies

Maternitynurse16 · 17/11/2021 22:16

Tonight I got so fed up of my DH going to the pub and driving home that I reported him myself. I'm a little bit devastated that he's home without being stopped! Not sure I'll have the balls to report him again 😭

OP posts:
Monalotmoore · 17/11/2021 22:17

999 or 101?

Santaischeckinglists · 17/11/2021 22:18

I reported my dh. Then I filed for divorce. (next day)

Didn't tell him either.
Solicitor did!!
Wink

50ShadesOfCatholic · 17/11/2021 22:20

You did the right thing. Now to divorce...

Original poster
Maternitynurse16 · 17/11/2021 22:23

I don't want a divorce, I do love him and I don't want to split my family up. I'm just sick of the constant worry and I honestly do think he will stop unless he is stopped. I've told him hundreds of times if he does it again I will leave and he just tells me to prove it, which obviously I can't!

OP posts:
Santaischeckinglists · 17/11/2021 22:27

What do you think he will do op? My exh lost his licence for 2 years. First offence.. Never even been in a police station..
Job was on the line also as he needed a car for his job..

Aquamarine1029 · 17/11/2021 22:30

I've told him hundreds of times if he does it again I will leave and he just tells me to prove it, which obviously I can't!

Of course he won't stop, you always stay. Your word means nothing and he just walks all over you. I really hope you don't have children living in the midst of this dysfunction.

Original poster
Maternitynurse16 · 17/11/2021 22:30

Sorry should say I don't think he will stop unless stopped! He also needs to be able to drive for his job. He's self employed and I'm a SAHM

OP posts:
kikipie · 17/11/2021 22:35

If you’re at the point of reporting him to police then you need to seriously consider your relationship

Whydidimarryhim · 17/11/2021 23:04

Does he need a car for his job - if so when he gets caught you will be with an unemployed drink driver.
He’s not going to change - unless he harms an innocent bystander or other driver.
Hopefully the police will keep his details.

spotcheck · 17/11/2021 23:07

Drinking and driving is the lowest kind of behaviour.

What an awful example for your children

Oh, and get a job. You'll need it for when the shit inevitably hits the fan and he loses his job.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 17/11/2021 23:12

How can you possibly find someone so selfish and disrespectful attractive? Drink drivers are scum.

How would you feel if your child was killed by him, because he feels he is so special that he can drive while drunk?

Because at some point he could very easily kill someone.

sunnyzweibrucken · 17/11/2021 23:40

I know so many people that have either lost a loved one to a drunk driver or has been killed by one. I would keep reporting him while i work on getting a divorce. The first time I consider a mistake and a lesson learned but after that it's not, and I couldn't live with myself if he ended up killing someone.

Kuachui · 17/11/2021 23:43

Took my ex colleague killing someone before he stopped. whilst in jail.

Doona · 17/11/2021 23:44

Can't you copy his key, follow him down the pub and pinch his car?

Kuachui · 17/11/2021 23:46

also yeah my best friend was killed by a drunk driver, he wasnt even that drunk either it was just dark and he was abit swervy. skidded onto a pavement, that phone call was heartbreaking but imagining that being my kids.. now that is a pain i cant bear.

Deela14 · 17/11/2021 23:54

Will you continue to "love" him if he ends up running someone over or crashing into a car full of people potentionally causing serious life injuries or worse?

Honestly op. How could you respect someone that drink drives? And what type of example/role model is he to your dc?

Alexandria94 · 18/11/2021 00:08

OP has taken a big step and reported him- it obviously could have huge implications on her life if he got stopped by the police, but she did the right thing. The implications of him being stopped wouldn't be as huge as the those if he injured/killed a member of the public through his selfish, reckless behaviour. But it still must have taken a lot.

Well done for doing the right thing OP. You should be able to muster up the courage to do it again the next time if you think of one or your DCs being injured/killed by a drunk driver and how absolutely devastating that would be. Let that awful thought motivate you to ensure that it never happens to any other family at the hands of you DH.

Calibrate · 18/11/2021 03:07

Keep reporting him. Ring the police and tell them which pub he is in and what time he will leave. They may have had a higher priority call when you last contacted them.

I called 999 when my DH got in the car and drove while drunk. He was stopped and was 3 times over the limit. He got an 18 month ban. I would do it again if he ever got behind the wheel after a drink. I couldn't live with someone's death on my conscience.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/11/2021 03:10

I've told him hundreds of times if he does it again I will leave and he just tells me to prove it, which obviously I can't!

You can buy a breathalyzer online. If you have to prove it to leave him. I think if i was calling the police on DH, I'd just finish the relationship.

Nedclarity · 18/11/2021 03:17

You poor thing. Having been with an alcoholic I can imagine this is just the tip of the iceberg of problems you are having. I would recommend contacting Al-Anon for support, for yourself. When it comes to loved ones who drink, sadly you can’t control their behaviour. You can only control yours.

Next time he does it, is there some place you can go and stay with the kids? Family?

1forAll74 · 18/11/2021 04:36

In my county alone, 6 people have been killed by drink drivers in the last six months, a couple of them drink and drugs combined drivers. One of those killed, was a woman of 80.

anon12345678901 · 18/11/2021 05:02

Well done for reporting him. I'd keep doing it whenever he goes out. I wouldn't stay with someone like that though, I couldn't, I would have absolutely no respect knowing he has no regard for other peoples lives.
I recently stopped seeing a guy as he wouldn't stop drink driving, he didn't see the issue with it and I looked at him completely differently knowing that.

Minceandonions · 18/11/2021 05:18

Wow what a difficult position to be in OP. You say you don't want a divorce, but your situation could get very challenging if your husband loses his licence and then his job, especially as you don't currently work.
My DH lost his licence for drink driving when he was 21 (I despise drink drivers and it was just before we met). It's still causing him the odd bit of trouble now that he's a respectable 40 year old man.
I certainly think if I reported my husband for drink driving, I'd need to leave him too. That step would mean the relationship would be over for me.

letsmakethishappen · 18/11/2021 05:35

@Minceandonions
I agree

Rubytoos · 18/11/2021 05:39

Did you watch the mini series Time earlier this year? It may still be available on BBC iplayer.
It was a drama about a teacher who was an alcoholic who killed someone drink driving and got sent to prison. The drama follows the impact of this on his family, life and marriage, which breaks down.
Perhaps you should both watch it together.

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