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Original poster

Is this normal on tinder?

32 replies

fuckofflifeagain · 17/11/2021 16:16

Joined yesterday....it said 99 plus likes after a couple of hours. Had multiple messages from people that clearly just want to shag. Not judging it's just not my thing. Been messaging one who I made it clear I wasn't looking to run into anything but wasn't looking for a fuck buddy and genuinely got pissed off with me for refusing his kind offer today. People sending creepy messages like "you're perfect" and lots of xxx. Wtf

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckofflifeagain · 17/11/2021 16:17

I'm doomed aren't I. I'm just going to rescue 7 dogs and forever be alone.

OP posts:
Robbeckett · 17/11/2021 16:20

I don't use tinder but I thought it was just for shagging rather than dating.

Cas112 · 17/11/2021 16:22

Ye that's pretty much tinder
My friend uses hinge

Tiger2018 · 17/11/2021 16:22

hey OP - Online dating can be a shock, especially if like me you hadn't dated in years!
I found bumble was nicer than tinder because you as the woman send the first message, at least then the tone is set from the start. Don't give up just yet :)

Original poster
fuckofflifeagain · 17/11/2021 16:35

God maybe I got it wrong then. I didn't think tinder was just for shags? Blush

OP posts:
cookiemonster2468 · 17/11/2021 16:38

Pretty normal on tinder and that is its reputation. Try a different site if you're looking for a relationship.

Sidge · 17/11/2021 16:39

Tinder isn't just for shags and is no different to all the other dating platforms. Some people want a penpal, some want a fuck buddy, some want FWB, some want a relationship.

I have used Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, POF, Match and eHarmony over the last 7-8 years and they're all much of a muchness!

You need a thick skin and strong boundaries.

samesign · 17/11/2021 16:39

It's normal on all dating apps not just tinder even bumble, hinge, match there are probably more men wanting a casual hook up than a relationship on all of them, people can find relationships on them but you need a lot of patience to sieve through them all.

Duxiejhrhrvjz · 17/11/2021 16:41

Agree! I found tinder preferable to POF in which you don’t even have to match with them for them to be able to message you! 😂 So many messages!

SparklyGlasses · 17/11/2021 16:42

I found Tinder 50/50 in terms of people looking for a shag vs something more. I actually found my partner of 6 years on there! Maybe things have changed now that Bumble, Hinge etc are more popular and Tinder has become more of a shag place. Tbh, I always thought fair enough when people were upfront and would just let them know I was looking for a relationship not just sex (or just ignore if there are loads!). It was the men who wanted to date you into just sex because they wanted what they perceived as a "nice girl" who were the worst!

Bypassed21 · 17/11/2021 16:45

Pretty normal to get loads of likes early on - I think as a new user Tinder's algorithms prioritise new users coming up on others view so as a "new face" it's common to get loads of likes straight away. You will only get messages from people you've liked too - so if the messages are off putting just un-match with them.
Tinder is not just for shags - plenty of people have found relationships on there as well. It's just its one of the most commonly used apps so has most traffic. Personally I preferred Bumble - most of the people on there are the same - but it puts the women in charge of sending the first message so you kind of feel more in control.
Good luck

Mermaidwaves · 17/11/2021 18:34

Very typical for online dating, most of the different apps seem the same, lots of men trying it on, married and unmarried. Some men say they want a relationship but often they are lying, they just think that will reel you in. Once they start the dirty chat or meaningless compliments it usually means they just want a shag, the men who are looking for more will at least attempt to get to know you a bit by asking questions.

It's put me off men for life but I hope you have some luck on there OP.

Original poster
fuckofflifeagain · 17/11/2021 18:37

Jesus, it's all very bleak isn't it. I have no life besides work and children. I literally won't ever have the opportunity to meet anyone and as pathetic as it sounds I don't really enjoy being alone.

So many bios are arrogant and dickish from the get go.

OP posts:
Hiddlestom · 17/11/2021 18:44

Bio is key for this.

Part of mine says "Intelligence is sexy & funny men are hot. Correct grammar & punctuation is a must. Kindness & decency are not negotiable - no horny fiends who don’t know how to behave"

Then be ruthless with swiping.
No bio - NOPE
Shirtless pics/gym pics - NOPE

That two pronged attack will rule out a lot of the dick pics.

I prefer tinder as an app to hinge or bumble, personally.

IdontPracticeSanteria · 17/11/2021 20:08

Well you must be swiping yes on a lot of people to get so many messages so quickly!

Milomonster · 17/11/2021 21:09

I’ve been in Tinder for a couple of weeks and haven’t received a single inappropriate message and I have 14 on my current chat list. Not one has suggested meeting for a shag. I am upfront early on that I’m looking for that. All seem decent, decisive in setting up a date, and keen to message. Much better than Bumble.

DuchessOfDisaster · 17/11/2021 21:57

Apparently it's full of smirking smug men posing with fish.

PanicPrevention · 18/11/2021 00:47

You need to be way more picky with your likes.
Like a couple then wait.
Dont have too many matches on the go at one time.
90%of the men I swipe flash up as a match meaning they've already liked me, my profile has 5 ok pics, some interests highlighted and very short bio.
Im really not a stand out candidate for dates, relationships or shags but I get enough likes that I can be very picky.
I'm not a success story in that I've not met my person on tinder but I've spoken to a few interesting people with no funny business, and met a couple of ok guys for first dates that were a fun way to waste an evening but didn't go anywhere and thats ok, im new to this too but I do think you need a bit of a thick skin.

CowboyBebop · 18/11/2021 03:03

I tried Bumble and Tinder. I had 1200 likes within a few days on the latter and it was impossible to properly screen them. The algorithm is crazy. Most were men I'd never in a million years want to date! I Agree don't "like" them back unless you really want to hear from them and don't have too many matches on the go. Bumble was much more genteel but I had some weird responses there (although no one just looking for a shag as far as I can tell).

Tinder just seemed very shallow and meat market-ish. However the one person I liked back is now my BF and I am totally completely happy with him so I can't diss it entirely! I was about to delete the app out of disgust when he messaged me and we clicked right away.

I honestly think OLD is a complete lottery but if you don't play you won't win as they used to say.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 18/11/2021 03:21

@DuchessOfDisaster

Apparently it's full of smirking smug men posing with fish.

Haha the fish pics
Gym selfies
Group photos where you have to guess which one (it will be the least attractive)
People educated at the university of life
Obligatory photo atop Snowdon or Pen Y Fan
Photos with their kids 🙈

Hang on in there OP
Met my OH on tinder, 3 years together now ...

Eesha · 18/11/2021 06:39

The most recent wedding I attended was via Tinder. Agree you may need to be pickier though. It's a bit of a needle in a haystack sadly having been on and off for 4 years!

sofato5miles · 18/11/2021 06:58

Met the love of my life on Tinder.

Also actually met up with 17 dates off it. Even with my tough protocols they were mostly weirdos chancing their arm. One who told me over drinks that he wanted to shag me while he was being shagged up the arse by a ladyboy, was a particular highlight..

My bizarre success was only because i was giving a mate a Tinder tutorial when we were pissed and matched back as he had a chatty bio and i thought he would reply quickly. His pics were shite. The chat was not. And when we met... absolute fireworks.

Hang in there and really, truly go by their chat. Message a few days, have a voice call then meet for a coffee. No point investing any more time

Viddy2021 · 18/11/2021 11:20

@Hiddlestom

Bio is key for this.

Part of mine says "Intelligence is sexy & funny men are hot. Correct grammar & punctuation is a must. Kindness & decency are not negotiable - no horny fiends who don’t know how to behave"

Then be ruthless with swiping.
No bio - NOPE
Shirtless pics/gym pics - NOPE

That two pronged attack will rule out a lot of the dick pics.

I prefer tinder as an app to hinge or bumble, personally.

Love it! Great advice.
DuchessOfDisaster · 18/11/2021 20:40

@Eesha

The most recent wedding I attended was via Tinder. Agree you may need to be pickier though. It's a bit of a needle in a haystack sadly having been on and off for 4 years!
Yes I've attended a Tinder wedding too. One of my best mates and her husband is a gem.
apinions · 19/11/2021 16:05

@Hiddlestom any more tips on what to write in a bio? I'm completely stuck, and realise I don't even have any hobbies to write about.