DH acting like he's the wronged one...

[Peach2021]

After many years of abusive behaviour, I recently finally found the strength to ask DH to move out for a trial separation.

After endless distress, tears and threats of suicide he's gone. We are in regular contact because of DS.

He's carrying on - to me and to anyone else who'll listen - as if I've hurt him rather than the other way round, ending up with one close friend telling me very sternly that she is concerned about him and asking what am I going to do about that.

I know he's struggling, but I don't think it's anything like as bad as the show he's putting on. If anything this dramatic and manipulative behaviour makes me more sure I've done the right thing, but how to deal with it? Does this normally happen when you call an abuser out on their behaviour?

Sad little fucks, aren’t they? All sobbing from the same hymn sheet. I can only imagine the things my exh told people about our relationship and why it ended. I have nothing but pity for his new partner and wonder when the penny will drop for her. You have given yourself the greatest gift imaginable by setting yourself free - bravo!

Totally standard behaviour.
It's a headwreck but it won't change so you need to tune it out.

My dad died still spouting the same delusional bullshit about what a monster my mother (who divorced him more than a decade prior!) was the week before he died. The poor nurses listening to that drivel!!!

Firstly, you are out - that is the main thing.

1. Cut the friend off. She isnt a friend and shes useless to you if she's going to be his flying monkey.
2. only deal with him via email and keep it totally factual
3. Accept it will take time but you can now move on and have a peaceful happy life. It took us all a few yearsand a lot of tears and tantrums but we no enjoy a peaceful harmonious life i didnt think possible.

How regular is contact with him? Refuse to engage on the phone and only deal with him via email. Only discuss matters relating to your son. Ignore anything else. Google 'grey rock'.

Great advice above.

Of course he is going to whine and whinge that you have turfed his nasty abusive ass out.

As for that so friend, block her ass.

Do not waste another minute on her.

If she asks, ask her who the hell she thinks she is giving you shit over getting rid of an abusive prick.

She is NO friend.

OP, you have been so strong, finally getting rid of him.

Please write everything down.
Everything.

Don't engage with him.
Don't let him visit your home.
Stop engaging or entertaining him.

You need to protect yourself and your child.

He is scum, and so is that ex friend.

She deserves him.
Let her off.

CF questioning you.

It is always a straw that breaks the camel's back. I've read a million MN threads where this is true. Write it down so you don't forget. But to be honest, I suspect you won't. Now that you're not in it anymore I suspect you'll find over the coming months that things will bubble up constantly and each time, you'll look at the event with new eyes and go, "Oh, WTF?"

I saw this with someone who when we were talking about something that years ago had the rest of us screaming with frustration and she literally had a lightbulb moment of "oh, you're totally right, that was 100% unacceptable. At the time, I was a bit irritated but he convinced me he was right."