Husband paid for only fans

[Wobblykitchen]

Looking for advise.
My husband paid for only fans 10 months ago. He paid for two subscriptions, one was one of the high earners on only fans. The other was an old school friend of mine.
I have looked through everything and am aware he only paid two subscription costs, so basically viewed both girls for a month. It was a chance finding that I found out he had subscribed to my school friend, no snooping on my part. He was like a deer in headlights when he realised I knew.

We obviously had a huge talk and he didn’t realise I felt this was cheating. I understand only fans can be a grey area in a relationship (I.e porn okay, but not girls on only fans) which is how I view he. He just viewed it as porn.
He said he would not watch it again, and also said he wouldn’t watch porn again. To my knowledge he hasn’t. Sex has been loads better which leads me to believe him.
However it’s been 10 months and I’m still dwelling on it. I still wonder why he effectively chose them over me - he was refusing sex at the time. I question whether he finds me as attractive as he says he does, because I look nothing like those girls.
I don’t even know how I’m supposed to get over it. I don’t want to blame him anymore because yes he’s done it and that’s his fault. But in my eyes he’s turned it all around since, he’s been open with banking and his phone etc. Like I said sex is so much better than before when he was watching porn. So I know he’s changed.
Has anyone been in this situation or one similar? I’m feeling a bit lost.
We have two boys also who I don’t want affected by any of it.

could you share an update on your situation? has he "relapsed" since this? anymore suspicious activity on his end?
im going through a very similar problem..

No relapses. Our whole relationship is very different, he had independent counselling, I had independent counselling, we had a couple of joint counselling sessions but actually having separate counselling was more beneficial for us to have discussions together at home.

He made a massive mistake, but be also has done so much to repair the error since. He has taken responsibility and never tried to blame me for it.

Sex is also much better, more sensual and connected and he is more present. We have talked about it sometimes, but it’s more as a conversation like you’d have when discussing what you want for dinner that evening, rather than a tense conversation with one of us feeling upset. He has said that if I didn’t discover it he wouldn’t have stopped as he was so deep he couldn’t see the problem, sad but true. We have also watched documentaries on the ethics of porn (not specifically looked for them but as they’ve come up on Netflix etc.) and he has made comments around the shame now of knowing he’s likely masturbated to unethical porn, but back then it was never a thought that came in to his mind when doing it. I am someone who thinks about the implications of the choices I make so I can’t really relate to this.

I’m happy I didn’t just LTB, when I made the post I was so unsure but looking back I’m glad I didn’t rush the decision or rule it out completely.

My husband has been paying £200 a month I've seen it on his purchases to fanly
I've confronted him and we are trying to get through it but I cannot justify how's he's paid to talk to other women and I actually saw naked pictures downloaded on his device what the hello is this