How do you arrange sex?!

[Thanksagainand]

Just curious.. both wfh. Dp comes into my room and says he has half an hour between meetings and fancies a quickie. I find it very hard to mentally u turn from what I’m doing to sex. He gets all, ‘oh I won’t ask again then ‘ in a woeful tone. So I say, I don’t like the suprise, ‘ could we book in a time?’
So on his day off he suggests cuddling, but I’ve work to do so I say I have to do this, can we meet at 11. By 11 he’s calling from the bedroom .
I finish off my work by about 11.30 and he hasn’t bothered to put a sheet on or move a dirty plate. I’m supposed to leap onto a bare mattress.
I get irritated because he cba to tuck a sheet in. To me he is only thinking about getting a shag, not giving pleasure, or enjoying something together. Also when he announces he has half an hour, I feel like it’s another chore - I have to drop everything and service him. He gets disgruntled, obviously that we don’t have much sex. It’s because for me it doesn’t feel like a joint thing , it feels like he goes off into some fantasy land and I m not really there.
He doesn’t seem to get that I need cuddles and handholds in the day, not just when he’s sexy. Actually if ever I hug him, it’s like he pulls away somehow? Or am I imagining it.
How can I improve things?

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I find this is pretty much what men are like. They are not like women and dont think of sheets or plates, cuddles or handholds. They would be happy to gave sex on a bare concrete floor. My gay Male friend told me women don't understand what animals men really are.

SOME men are like this. Not all. Although the percentage increases as soon as they have an erection 😂 But yes many men will fuck in dirty surroundings, bare floors, smelly rooms, round the back by the bins etc.

Most men know they have to make a baseline effort at hygiene and cleaning to get a good chance of a bunk up. They know they don't have to go full on "Rose petals strewn on the bed" but all women have a bar (including sex workers - who often seemingly have a higher average bar than civvy women.) Some men assume that once married, they can slip under that bar.

You need to let him know where your bar is. "I order to feel like having sex, I need a bedroom that doesn't look like a teenagers, or a hoarders. I need to know you're going to put in the effort to get me to orgasm." (please tell me you haven't been faking it the whole time!)

Can't help with him putting on weight as I experience attraction mentally and physically, not visually. Unless it's to the point he can't do some stuff?

I'm surprised some people actually manage to have sex at all.
Just seems like a host of mental and physical barriers, preferences.
Does it really have to be this complicated?

He’s also got enormous. I’m no super model, but I am finding it all a bit yik. Wow, I’m awful.

I don't think you're awful at all. In fact I think you're being a bit of an over-tolerant doormat.

Your DP seems to not be able to take care of his own needs independently. It's like he can't regulate himself in a mature way.

You don't have to pick up the rope, so to speak, OP.

What's he like with the DC, the housework, the daily mental load? Is he slack with that too?

You are not awful at all - you are human and expressing your needs, which he is not meeting.
Been there, done that.

Sorry but this doesn't sound normal at all. Are you attracted to him? Do you even want sex with him?
I've never planned sex with my OH, usually starts with a cuddle/ kiss and progresses naturally.
Does he watch a lot of porn? He sounds disconnected and boring as hell. It's hardly a turn on.