My mum thinks I will loose people if I talk about my problems.

[Overwhelmed83]

I’ve just got into an argument with my mum. Same old thing all the time. I’m having a difficult time parenting at the moment, it’s getting me down. I went to speak to my mum and she said she is bored of hearing about it. I was just about to go off and see my boyfriend and she said I expect you’ll go there and talk to him and he’ll be bored of
It also.

I don’t know who to talk to anymore. I’ve never been able to talk to my mum about anything and it’s upsetting I can’t go to her or it seems anyone. Am I wrong here. I need to talk to people, it’s getting me down sitting on everything all the time on my own. I’ve no support. Or do I, my boyfriend says he’s here for me and now I don’t know if my mum is right and I shouldn’t talk to him.

Oh yes she is damaging she makes me go from happy to s**t in nano seconds. Like I began to do with my husband eventually, I despise her because I’m having to always tolerate and please and ignore my inner feelings that I just hate being around them. I just want to scream at her at times what is wrong with you. I know it won’t make any difference and she will turn into a victim.

I don’t like this feeling it reminds me of my marriage, I lived in this constant state of hating him and my life and being stuck because I didn’t realise I hated him. I was very depressed most of time and hated myself and my life.

I could have a really great life with my boyfriend, it’s been over 1.5 years now. He is so lovely and he just makes me feel like I’m home and I’m safe. He says he has my back and I (most of the time) believe him. The other times I think he will leave me because I’m hard work. I don’t want to take in this feeling and it get taken away. Not because I’m faulty because I’m not I’ve just been through a lot. He may not be able to handle who I am. All I want though is someone to have my back so I can let go of some of this weight.

I bought some really great radiator pipe covers the other day. Friends and boyfriends family were like wow they look so great. I’ve been re-decorating my house top to bottom on my own to get rid of my ex husbands essence in the home. She came over and I was really excited and said look how great they look. She said nothing, she just shrugged. Amazing it completely ruined it.

I think that while you can take your BF's words at face-value about supporting you, a relationship can't "cure" your pain or the damage your mum has done. There's a big emotional void in your childhood where parental love should have been, and unfortunately you have to kind of parent yourself as an adult - no-one else can do that for you. Invest in yourself and engage with therapy or counselling, work on nurturing yourself. (@TheFoundations often has wise things to say about learning to nurture your inner child, to learn to love yourself and the little girl you were, if they're about. )

I'd advise again, that you withdraw from your mother, that you reduce contact and that you radically limit what you share with her.