Yeah I think I was triggered last night by her lack of support again. I don’t know why I expect it.
Well, you expect it because she's your mum, and it is 100 percent reasonable to think that the person who chose to give birth to you would care about your struggles and want to support you. And most mums do! Sadly, a few do not really have this capacity, and it seems pretty clear that your mum is among them. What you need to understand is that this is not about you being needy, it's not your imagination that she is less caring than you should expect, it's really that she has a problem that she doesn't recognise AND she has raised you in a way that means you don't fully recognise the problem either.
Not having ever had emotional support from your mum is a real and important issue. It's a form of neglect. You've basically been denied and tried to live without something that is a pretty foundational human need – the security of knowing you have a 'safe person', someone who will always care about you, even when they're tired or had a bad day themselves.
When you don't know what genuine care looks or sounds like, it's really easy to blame yourself when you don't get it. Like, when you tried to tell your mum about your struggles parenting, she told you that she's bored of hearing about it.
It's really easy to hear this and think "Wow, I should shut up about my problems because I'm just a moaner." Or feel sad and angry and wonder "Why doesn't my mum want to support me?" but not seriously try to answer that question in a way that focuses on your mum's responsibility for her actions. Or you tell yourself "Maybe she is just having a bad day and can't handle anyone else's problems."
But all of these responses side-step the real issue, which is that your mum spoke to you in an UNCARING and blaming way. Like, if my kid came to me and started telling me about a problem they had, even if I was tired or had a bad day or had heard about this problem before, I would try to respond to them in a way that showed I cared even if I did not know how to solve the problem they were having.
So I would say something like, "Hon, I know you are having a really hard time with this but I am absolutely exhausted from my day and I can hardly think straight. I really want to help you with this - can we talk about it tomorrow?"
Or if I couldn't understand what was causing the issue, I would ask questions to try to understand the problem better, like "Could something be going on with your kid at school? How are you feeling in general? Do you feel like you have so much going on that you feel overwhelmed? Is someone else letting you down with their share of responsibilities?"
Or I would offer sympathy and ideas or my own experience, like saying, "Yeah, parenting is so hard, so often we are just making it up as we go along. I remember when you were the same age as your kid is now and I was struggling with this... here's what I did."
I suspect the core reason your mum told you that your struggle with parenting is "boring" is that she doesn't have much of an idea of how to help you (because wasn't a good parent herself) so feels useless and frustrated. Probably she didn't get very good parenting either, which is why she doesn't know what to do now. This stuff moves down the generations.
But she can't recognise that so instead she blames you and makes you feel bad so that you'll stop talking about it and then SHE can stop feeling bad. She honestly probably doesn't even realise she's doing this. It's her automatic avoidance response. And telling you not to tell your boyfriend because he'll be bored too is a kind of projection of her own feelings of inadequacy onto him. Maybe deep down she's scared that if you start going to your boyfriend with your problems, he'll actually be caring and helpful, and you'll start to spend more time with him, or recognise her deficiencies more clearly.
You've done the right thing, by the way – come here for support. There are plenty of caring people here who will offer you ideas and suggestions – but also because we're a bunch of internet strangers, we are not a reliable form of long-term support.
My advice would be to try to keep recognising – as you've started to – that the lack of support you're experiencing is a real and serious issue and that you need some help to deal with it. That's 100 percent okay and normal. As the saying goes – no man or woman is an island – we all need other people and community. So given you know that your mum is very unsupportive and you can't count on her, have a good think about how you can get some other, genuine support in your life.
Talking to your boyfriend and trusting that not everyone is like your mum a good start, but the more sources of help you can get, the better. Do you have any sensible friends who can lend an ear from time to time? Could you get some books from the library about parenting or understanding parental neglect (so you can understand what's going on with you better)? Maybe talk to the Citizen's Advice centre? Ask your GP if you can get a counselling referral? If you're part of a church community, they usually offer pastoral care. There are actually loads of places out there if you just start to look. The first step is believing that something different is possible.