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Original poster

Did you meet someone after losing all hope?

38 replies

ImaginariinQ · 09/11/2021 16:21

I used to be hopeful. Things didn’t work out and I’d be heartbroken but I’d pick myself up. Date, be happy.

I’ve just lost all hope. I’m almost scared to hope for it anymore. I’ve got friends and interests and have therapy and a job. I long to share my life with someone but I feel old! I feel like I have to give up now. I think I was a pretty normal/average woman and I don’t know why it’s never happened for me. Probably make a few mistakes in my twenties but I grew up and I took things seriously, still nothing worked out.

I’ve lost all hope and just see a blanket of loneliness ahead. I also can’t imagine wanting someone close again?!? It’s like I’ve been hurt so much that I have given up on all fronts :(

OP posts:
Palavah · 09/11/2021 16:23

Yes, annoyingly, when I wasn't expecting it, I hadn't fancied him when we first met, it just built up slowly and now I love him to pieces.

Original poster
ImaginariinQ · 09/11/2021 16:25

@Palavah how old were you?

I feel like now that I’ve got so much behind me with relationships ending, work changes, etc etc that basically I have a whole life in my past and nothing feels new anymore. I can’t imagine someone wanting to share it with me.

OP posts:
oooohrene · 09/11/2021 16:39

I did.

After a string of abusive and toxic relationships I took a good hard look at myself and my unhealthy patterns. After I left the father of my child I had no desire to be near a man ever again and didn't for a moment think I would ever even look at a man. They all disgusted me.

Fast forward ... met now husband at 36, married at 39 and having a baby at age 43

Original poster
ImaginariinQ · 09/11/2021 16:46

@oooohrene

I did.

After a string of abusive and toxic relationships I took a good hard look at myself and my unhealthy patterns. After I left the father of my child I had no desire to be near a man ever again and didn't for a moment think I would ever even look at a man. They all disgusted me.

Fast forward ... met now husband at 36, married at 39 and having a baby at age 43

@oooohrene how did you meet? I feel so battered by previous awful relationships. I don’t feel the same about men now and I’m really clear about men with red flags, but all the same I feel broken. Like a nice man would think wow what a shit background of men!

And now I’m older I feel so fragile and I can’t envisage that happy home with someone at all. In reality my longest relationship has been three years which isn’t long at all.

OP posts:
Kraut40 · 09/11/2021 16:47

I did . I was kinda forever alone type. Every now and again I had some short story - till I figured out they are in relationship or they wanted only sex ( you know, the ones who pretend to be extremely into you the first ten days and then they get busier and busier ). I tried online and it was truly soul crushing experience. Endless ghosting and “ send nudes” . I met my husband at the age of 37 , we got married after 4 months of knowing each other, I got my daughter at the age of 39. We are really good team, he’s my rock and my best friend. Till today I can’t believe I found this man. I met him at the point I completely gave up dating , trying or even thinking of relationship. I accepted my loneliness. It happened totally out of the blue - like in some lame romantic comedy.

bellinisurge · 09/11/2021 16:48

Yes, in my late 30s. Met the old fashioned way - in real life not online. Surprised both of us. Married 16 years with a child.

eclipsechips · 09/11/2021 16:49

I met my husband when I was 37 and married when I was 39. I really had given up hope when we met

mildlymiffed · 09/11/2021 16:53

Me! Separated at 35 from my exH. String of horrible relationships. Start of lockdown met someone on match. Now, after just over a year of being together in very strange Covid times, we've moved in together and jointly parent our three children.

Only went online again as I was bored! Not expecting to meet anyone decent (after the line of cockwombles id managed to attract previously) but kind of thinking I'd have some fun. Now think I've met the person I'm meant to be with.

Might all turn to shit- who knows- but I seem to have found the needle in a haystack who isn't a complete bellend! And letting myself enjoy it.

Original poster
ImaginariinQ · 09/11/2021 16:55

@Kraut40

I did . I was kinda forever alone type. Every now and again I had some short story - till I figured out they are in relationship or they wanted only sex ( you know, the ones who pretend to be extremely into you the first ten days and then they get busier and busier ). I tried online and it was truly soul crushing experience. Endless ghosting and “ send nudes” . I met my husband at the age of 37 , we got married after 4 months of knowing each other, I got my daughter at the age of 39. We are really good team, he’s my rock and my best friend. Till today I can’t believe I found this man. I met him at the point I completely gave up dating , trying or even thinking of relationship. I accepted my loneliness. It happened totally out of the blue - like in some lame romantic comedy.
@Kraut40 that’s so lovely to read, thank you so much. How did you meet? I feel like I am at rock bottom and I was online dating but the last few weeks I’ve systematically cancelled each date because I just can’t take it anymore. It feels hopeless.
OP posts:
Original poster
ImaginariinQ · 09/11/2021 16:56

@eclipsechips

I met my husband when I was 37 and married when I was 39. I really had given up hope when we met
@eclipsechips how did you meet? And how did you come to terms with giving up hope? I feel so sad a lot of the time and have cancelled all recent dates arranged online because it just feels too scary and hopeless these days
OP posts:
Original poster
ImaginariinQ · 09/11/2021 16:57

@mildlymiffed

Me! Separated at 35 from my exH. String of horrible relationships. Start of lockdown met someone on match. Now, after just over a year of being together in very strange Covid times, we've moved in together and jointly parent our three children.

Only went online again as I was bored! Not expecting to meet anyone decent (after the line of cockwombles id managed to attract previously) but kind of thinking I'd have some fun. Now think I've met the person I'm meant to be with.

Might all turn to shit- who knows- but I seem to have found the needle in a haystack who isn't a complete bellend! And letting myself enjoy it.

@mildlymiffed so lovely to read CakeBrew
OP posts:
oooohrene · 09/11/2021 17:07

We met online.

I began to get bored and my friend set up a profile for me. Had a load of terrible dates (they made great stories though!) before meeting my husband. I was ready to throw the towel in and delete the app when he messaged me. It was only because I was so skint and he offered to pay that we met...usually I wouldn't ever let a date pay for me. But I was so sick of dating creeps and paying for the privilege, I thought...fuck it.

I too felt battered by previous relationships. I am still in therapy because of some of them. My husband knows everything about my past and he understands and cares about what I have been through - rather than throw it in my face. It is so lovely to know that he doesn't judge me but loves me for me, for the first time in my life I am loved and respected by my partner and sometimes I can hardly believe it still. I didn't think men like him existed, I really didn't.

eclipsechips · 09/11/2021 17:07

@ImaginariinQ we met on OLD, I had decided that he would be my last 1st date before we met and if it didn't work out I could be perfectly happy on my own.

We got on great chatting online and just completely clicked when we met IRL

Palavah · 09/11/2021 17:10

[quote ImaginariinQ]@Palavah how old were you?

I feel like now that I’ve got so much behind me with relationships ending, work changes, etc etc that basically I have a whole life in my past and nothing feels new anymore. I can’t imagine someone wanting to share it with me.[/quote]
39.

I felt like I had no track record of a successful healthy relationship.

This one makes me wonder how many great guys I passed by because I didn't feel enough of a spark when I met them first/second/third time.

Palavah · 09/11/2021 17:12

What I would say is that if you are feeling rock bottom then come off the apps for a bit and invest time in yourself. Do the things you love and the things you don't love but you know make you feel better.

OLD always goes a bit weird around Christmas anyway.

BlueFlavour · 09/11/2021 17:14

@ImaginariinQ
You sound so sad. Give yourself a break from it all. I got married at 38. We are okay, but I do think about being on my own Smile.
Relationships aren’t always the answer, but I know when you’re not in one you think they are.

bookworm100 · 09/11/2021 17:26

Just to send some solidarity as I am in the same boat! Haven't lost hope yet though x

dilly123 · 09/11/2021 17:48

Yes, single for 10 plus years... 1 boomerang relationship (I kept going back even though he wasn't right for me) never lasted longer than a few months but I wasted 8 years wishing it would... dated a couple of guys in between but half heartedly... totally gave up hope still kept an OLD profile but that was half hearted too until this time last year exchanged messages, met after a few weeks & although it wasn't instant it has grown & grown because of his lovely nature & kindness... he's restored my faith in men & im smitten. Never ever imagined falling in love again but even someone as jaded as me can find someone special..

MrsJackWhicher · 09/11/2021 17:59

Yes -completely unexpectedly this summer. I am -he is several years younger and thinks I younger than him 😁
Had absolutely no intention or expectation of meeting anyone. Married for 25 years snd separating from husband who destroyed my confidence. Assumed no-one were idyls be interested in me and no desire to meet anyone my age with paunch and ex-wife baggage etc.
Met thru s mutual interest. He asked me to help him run a sporting activity. I kept making excuses not to as he is attractive and so had put in weight in lockdown.
He is gorgeous, very affectionate and made it clear he fancied me.
Ilost nearly two stone over the summer - just because lost all desire to eat or drink wine. My old clothes all look great -people who see us in pubs spontaneously tell us we look like a great couple (last week ‘when is the wedding?’ From a total stranger -nicely meant!
He had introduced me to some really fun stuff (not sex -hobbies!) and I feel so happy.
But had absolutely zero intention or expectation.
May not last but what a summer snd autumn so far.
Please don’t give up hope, but just do other stuff and you might just find where least expecting it.
(By the way, when I finally agreed to help out with the sporting activity that led to this it was an evening when so went to a barbecue I really didn’t want to go to snd nearly made an excuse to avoid. So glad I went!!!!

1990s · 09/11/2021 18:11

I was always very single and met my husband when I was 29, which I appreciate is not particularly “late”.

But, I wanted to say that I realised when talking to another friend if I saw him on online dating, I would think HELL NO.

The sorts of things he would think are “interesting” to put on an online dating profile are just not the things we really enjoy together.

So all I’m saying is, give people a bit more of a chance than you might if they seem like a decent person. The spark/interest can and does come with time a lot of the time!

Kraut40 · 09/11/2021 19:54

We met online but not on a dating app- we just played an online game . I actually started to play it because I was really depressed and I couldn’t sleep. So we became friends . Just friends . He was in a pretty toxic relationship at that time and I guess he felt save talking to me. But there was nothin more than a friendship. It stayed like this for almost a year . I didn’t consider him as potential partner because he’s American. During this time him and his ex broke up and he was a bit depressed and had a friends with benefits kind of relationship. Which he hated , he was fed up with his situation as well.I was ( as always ) alone . In January 2018 I had a very rough time and got super depressed, just really tired of my hopeless life. I planned suicide. He kinda read between the lines that I’m really not doing good and proposed visiting him in the USA. Again , just as a friend . I arrived on Thursday and I planner to take hotel from Friday because Friday was his hook up day . And I didn’t want to interfere . My idea was to have this last nice holiday and then die . It might sound stupid but I was serious about it . I did even consider that he might be a psychopath and would just kill me - and my thought was like - yeah, whatever. This is how bad it was . So I did this insane thing a flew over. He picked me up and from the moment I saw him for the first time I was lost haha. My first thought was “ this guy is HOT” and “ shame I’m not American “ “ shame I’m so old “ ( I’m 10 years older !!) but apparently he was over the moon the moment he saw me . He broke up with the FWB girl the same evening. We were instantly in love . And married, four months later . It’s a pretty insane story

Kraut40 · 09/11/2021 19:54

Sorry for all the typos.

Movingsoon21 · 09/11/2021 21:35

Yes, this happened to me! 2 seriously crap relationships of 1 year & 18 months in my late teens/early 20s, then a 2 year relationship in my mid-twenties with “the one”, who dumped me out of the blue and tore my heart to shreds, followed by loads of hugely disappointing dating in my late twenties. At 30 I decided to give up as I just couldn’t face any more disappointment or heartbreak. I decided I would save some money and then adopt a child so I could at least experience parenthood - I actually put my house on the market so I could move to be nearer my parents so they could help with childcare…

And then boom, DH entered my life out of nowhere and I haven’t looked back (we are now married and have 1 bio child). We actually already knew one another but I thought he “wasn’t my type” so had written him off completely (we weren’t close friends or anything either). We ended up getting lost together on the way to a party and I just saw him in a completely different light

mildlymiffed · 10/11/2021 08:09

@Kraut40 what an amazing story! Sounds like it could be a film! Pleased you found him and that now all is well with you 😊

cookieicecream · 10/11/2021 14:08

OP - I'm in the same boat so I am following the thread with interest.

I've recently tried to get back into online dating. I thought I'd finally met someone I was interested in. He seemed interested on the first date and after it and then went quiet.

It's soul destroying. I can't face any more dates at the moment and I'm accepting that the single life is for me.