Did you meet someone after losing all hope?

[ImaginariinQ]

I used to be hopeful. Things didn’t work out and I’d be heartbroken but I’d pick myself up. Date, be happy.

I’ve just lost all hope. I’m almost scared to hope for it anymore. I’ve got friends and interests and have therapy and a job. I long to share my life with someone but I feel old! I feel like I have to give up now. I think I was a pretty normal/average woman and I don’t know why it’s never happened for me. Probably make a few mistakes in my twenties but I grew up and I took things seriously, still nothing worked out.

I’ve lost all hope and just see a blanket of loneliness ahead. I also can’t imagine wanting someone close again?!? It’s like I’ve been hurt so much that I have given up on all fronts :(

Reading that back it's sounds a bit dramatic but I've been let down loads of times.

I met my now husband when I was 3 months away from 35, on Tinder. He was 36.
I had been completely single and celibate for over two years, just come back from a lovely holiday with a friend in the South of France and decided to see if I could find someone to have the occasional nice dinner out with or go walking with.
I went on about 15 first dates and probably three second dates with no expectations at all, my only criteria for looking were that they appeared solvent, employed and as though they might be kind. And no more than ten years older and no younger.
My last date was with my husband who is the kindest, funniest, most hardworking person I’ve ever met. We both knew after about ten minutes that this was it for both of us. We were engaged after 15 months, married a year and a half later thanks to COVID, but we were trying for a baby for a year before we were married. I got pregnant immediately after the wedding and I’m expecting boy/girl twins in March.
I count my blessings every day to have met such a great person, but had I settled for any of the other perfectly nice men I met while dating I wouldn’t be where I am. There was nothing wrong with them, but they didn’t give me the feeling my husband did when I met him.

@ImaginariinQ

"I long to share my life with someone but I feel old!"

Nobody can predict when or if you will meet a suitable partner unfortunately. I'm sorry you're feeling so desolate .

How old are you and are you wanting to have children?

@cookieicecream

OP - I'm in the same boat so I am following the thread with interest.

I've recently tried to get back into online dating. I thought I'd finally met someone I was interested in. He seemed interested on the first date and after it and then went quiet.

It's soul destroying. I can't face any more dates at the moment and I'm accepting that the single life is for me.

@cookieicecream

I will ask you the same question as I did Op, how old are you and are you wanting to have children?
It's impossible to say whether you will or won't remain single.

I've given up! Just had a 4 month online relationship end. He was just odd at the end. I'm 35 but have a child and I'm happy to stay single now. I don't want his childhood seeing me upset over this crap

@bollocksthemess I love your story! X

Me too, op.

I've only had good relationship experiences (in the grand scheme of things). Last LTR had ended when I was 42 after 13 years.

Stayed single by choice for several years and just had some fun dating.

It wasn't that I felt hopeless as such, but I had found peace with being since and enjoyed the single life. It was then I met my current DP, who is wonderful. We have so much fun together. We will never marry nor live together because it's not what either of us want, but it's lovely.

@WheatlandTerrier

I've given up! Just had a 4 month online relationship end. He was just odd at the end. I'm 35 but have a child and I'm happy to stay single now. I don't want his childhood seeing me upset over this crap

@WheatlandTerrier

Does it make it less pressurising that you already have a child? Of course, the same frustrations as being childless exist I'd imagine (incompatibility/ghosting/future faking) etc. It's totally understandable that you'd not want your child to see you upset over this.

Yes I had fertility treatment to have him so I'm lucky. In an ideal world I'd have another child but I'm not putting up with a relationship to have one.

I also married at 39, nearly 40, and had my children in my forties.I met my DH completely by chance .. My close friend met his wife when he was 50 and she was mid forties, through online dating. I have a very happily married couple of friends who met through an activity when she was a widow in her early fifties and he was divorced and nearly 40.

[quote ImaginariinQ]@Palavah how old were you?

I feel like now that I’ve got so much behind me with relationships ending, work changes, etc etc that basically I have a whole life in my past and nothing feels new anymore. I can’t imagine someone wanting to share it with me.[/quote]
It doesn't matter whether you can imagine it or not, that's just what your mind is doing with the information that it's got today. It turns on a sixpence, when you meet somebody new, and it doesn't matter whether you've given up, lost hop, quit, decided you're incapable, or what.

It's just numbers. It's not about you. Think of those poor old badgers at the side of the road, who got hit when everybody else crossed over just fine. It's not their fault. There's nothing wrong with them. It just happens sometimes.

You'd be well advised to concentrating on not seeing singledom as lonely, before going ahead and looking for a new partner. Singledom rocks, and having that attitude will be attractive to healthy minded potential partners.