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Original poster

Boring Relationship

49 replies

Hawtain86 · 08/11/2021 18:57

So I have been dating this nice guy for over a year. He is very thoughtful and always puts my needs first. Hes great with my son too and he is always constantly showering me with gifts.

He isn’t my usually type but because he was so nice i felt I would be stupid to end things as he treats me really well.

The problem is I’m finding him too nice, which sounds ridiculous I know, he always goes along with what I want to do, he never argues he just agrees with me. I’m starting to get really bored in the relationship and I’m finding him a bit of a pushover. He doesn’t really make me laugh like other partners in the past and he can be quite feminine at times which I don’t find attractive. He’s easy on the eye but I’m not really physically attracted to him. The gifts I find too much sometimes and I’m starting to think he’s doing it to compensate for something. Plus he always brings up what he has bought me in conversation. He has asked me to move in with him which we agreed on. His house was up for sale but he took the first offer so he could get moved into mine as soon as possible when there was no rush and lots of interest in the house. He seems to be overly keen.

Am I being too fussy and should I just be thankful I’ve found a nice guy and not dating some idiot? I feel guilty because I don’t want to hurt him I just don’t feel that crazy about him. I’m 35 and I’m not getting any younger.

Any advice would be much appreciated :)

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/11/2021 18:59

You shouldn’t keep stringing him along if you don’t really want to be with him

ParmigianoReggiano · 08/11/2021 19:02

Can you tell us a bit about your previous relationships? Have you been treated badly by men in the past?

There's no need to stay with someone who isn't your type, but if you usually go for a 'bad boy' who treats you like shit then you may need to examine the reasons why you don't respond well to a nice guy.

Tittyfilarious81 · 08/11/2021 19:03

Why did you agree to let him move in op and sell his house if you were not sure about him ?. He sounds like he's possibly insecure and that's why he won't argue with you and why he buys you gifts and is so keen to move him because he's doing everything he can to keep you happy because he's afraid to lose you

evabream · 08/11/2021 19:06

Year seems a bit soon, how old is your son? Seems so much so soon?

ReadyforTakeOff · 08/11/2021 19:07

Be sounds like a loser - time to dump him I think.

Original poster
Hawtain86 · 08/11/2021 19:08

I don’t go for bad boys either. I would never put up with someone treating me badly. I guess I’m attracted to confidence and someone who knows what they want. Someone that has a life outside of me. Is just being nice enough for everyone else? Maybe I am too fussy I don’t know.

OP posts:
garlicandsapphires · 08/11/2021 19:09

Ooh this sounds like my situation

Salayes · 08/11/2021 19:10

He sounds very intense and OTT. Rushing a house sale so he can move in with you would set my alarm bells ringing. He sounds like he’s trying to buy your affections - perhaps he is insecure or has a very clingy and enmeshed sort of relationship style.

Why did you agree to the moving in if you weren’t sure? Is he moving to your house or are you getting somewhere together?

Original poster
Hawtain86 · 08/11/2021 19:10

He hasn’t sold his house yet there’s some work that needs doing on it before he can. So I really need to decide what to do before he does that. He’s a really nice guy that treats me well. Part of my issue is I should be happy with that shouldn’t I? I don’t know what to do or think anymore.

OP posts:
davidwebb · 08/11/2021 19:13

You're 35.. the days of dating those hawwt bad bois hat make you tingle are well over, i think you should be happy you've found a beta "nice guy" who's willing to take on another mans offspring.

Original poster
Hawtain86 · 08/11/2021 19:15

Yeah it did scare me that he wants to get moved into my house as soon as possible. Maybe he just wants it over and done with. I don’t know. He said no pressure let’s just see how things go he said he would buy another house if things didn’t work out. So it was hard to say no. My sons allergic to dogs and he even said he’s rehome his dog.

OP posts:
DillonPanthersTexas · 08/11/2021 19:15

Tell him not to sell, finish with him and let him find someone who appreciates him a bit more then you do.

Original poster
Hawtain86 · 08/11/2021 19:16

My sons 11

OP posts:
nocnoc · 08/11/2021 19:18

I dated someone like this and had to end it. He just wasn’t my type. Nice guy but I couldn’t stand kissing him. Nothing there. There are millions of guys in the world OP. You don’t have to settle

Original poster
Hawtain86 · 08/11/2021 19:22

Never been into bad boys. I see my son as a positive not a negative and at my age most people have kids and are willing to enter into a relationship with someone who has children including myself. So that isn’t an issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hawtain86 · 08/11/2021 19:25

Thanks that’s how I feel there’s just nothing there. I really wish there was because wouldn’t life be easy if that was the case. He’s nice he’s but I’m missing something and I don’t always want to be told yes we’ll do whatever you want all the time it doesn’t seem authentic.

OP posts:
StillPerplexed · 08/11/2021 19:34

There's absolutely no reason to settle. If you're not attracted to him then what's the point? Plus, you're hardly over the hill at 35.

Sittingonabench · 08/11/2021 19:36

Being nice and him treating you well is always going to be on the good side. And yes you should be happy he is but there may be other qualities you need in the package. However it sounds like he doesn’t have much personality or isn’t showing you that yet. I wouldn’t like someone who offered to rehome their dog so readily. I would want someone who had likes and dislikes and pushed me to be better and I suspect it’s that tension you’re missing.

Tittyfilarious81 · 08/11/2021 19:37

It sounds like what's missing is the spark between you

Cuddlemuffin · 08/11/2021 19:41

I don't think him being a nice guy is enough to sustain a relationship in the long run. After a run of awful men I dated a really nice guy but after a year I just couldn't continue to go along with it. He taught me that there were nice men out there, he just wasn't the one for me. I broke up with him and it was really sad and I felt really bad. I went on to meet another nice guy who I also found interesting and attractive and shared my sense of humour. I married him and am still very happy with him 11 years later. I would leave him before you get the ick and break his heart. If you feel like this now, imagine how you'll feel in 5,10,20 years time. Find another nice guy that you're actually compatible with x

evabream · 08/11/2021 19:44

So he says yes to everything and wants to move into your house after a year and rushed his own house sale? Ok. My mother met a man like this when I was 13. He moved in. He turned out to be a controlling twat. Why the rush if he has his own place?

Original poster
Hawtain86 · 08/11/2021 19:55

Thanks cuddlemuffin that’s really reassuring. It’s not a good feeling hurting such a lovely guy. I wish I had those feelings but I don’t and I’m upset at myself for not feeling the same way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hawtain86 · 08/11/2021 19:56

I’m not sure why he is rushing it so much. It’s been almost 2 years sorry but we didn’t see much of each other through covid.

OP posts:
evabream · 08/11/2021 19:59

Well that’s Confused just be wary

NotaCoolMum · 09/11/2021 07:40

DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN WITH YOU AND YOUR SON!!!!!! I can’t stress this enough!! I had a situation almost identical to yours. I grew to actually despise the man!! I couldn’t stand him touching me and I found him SO boring and a total pushover- I felt like I was the one who was the “strong” personality and I HATED how it made me feel! He was almost submissive! 🤢