SIL always ask the price of things

[onlychildhamster]

We bought her a bubble tea and a birthday present, a coat from Zara, which to be fair was 1 day late. She asked the price of both. She also asks the price of random things in our flat- the sofa throw , random meals we mention we had outside, my backpack (which is actually the most expensive thing I own other than our flat), our salaries etc.

It is a bit embarrassing cos her mum, my MIL is very thrifty and also on a low income. She doesn't have a job herself. For example, my MIL thinks a coat should be from ASDA and cost £20 max but in reality my DH spent like £120 on the coat

I sometimes put my foot down and just tell her I am not uncomfortable disclosing how much I spend on things. But the line of questioning is sometimes relentless. I don't really understand why she does this? My DH thinks its because she wants to have 'control' over things.

Tell her everything’s a tenner.
A new lamp….much? Tenner.
New coat….much? Tenner.
New necklace…..tenner.
New car…..tenner.

Say "I can't remember" every time. It's rude and intrusive.

I don't remember would suffice or go the other way - oh that coat - £5000, ha ha ha.

It's rude!

Just come out with a load of bollocks every time,,,, it fell off the back of a lorry, got a sofa at the market for a fiver, this new jumper was £1.234,99,, and so on, she has no way of proving you're lying.

"Can't remember, why are you asking?"

Every time.
www.gp-training.net/looking-after-ourselves/assertiveness/broken-record/

If she gives you a "reason" for asking - straight back to "can't remember" - & change the subject.

My in laws used to do this even the nieces would say "how much did that cost my uncle" I realised my in laws thought I was spending Husbands precious money (I wasn't it was always mine) and they're talking about it in front of the children. I gave them a good telling off and that stopped. One SIL even had an issue when she found cravendale milk in our fridge. Another SIL would ask if her brother bought me x item and I'd loudly proclaim "did he heck. He's tight". They don't ask me these questions anymore.

Catherine Tate should have done a "tight bastards" skit.... oh actually, she did, a middle-aged northern couple, who used to say "the dirty b*"

lol

tell her you don't know 'cos you found them in a skip, on the bus, on the ferry, in the street, each time more fantastical than the last. Keep po-faced. Pretend your a Catherine Tate character or doing Amateur Dramatics

@Bananalanacake

Just come out with a load of bollocks every time,,,, it fell off the back of a lorry, got a sofa at the market for a fiver, this new jumper was £1.234,99,, and so on, she has no way of proving you're lying.

Love this advice from Bananalanacake, you could have loads of fun saying items ( such as coats) were gifts from a friend !

God, that's so intrusive. I genuinely have no problem telling people the price of things if they ask, but it's generally a one off from different people, not constant from one person!

I agree with the 'everything's a tenner' approach. Quick way to shut them down.

“We don’t talk about money”

My mum always does this, and tells me how much she paid for things without me asking. Not in a show off way she just seems to think its a topic of conversation for some reason!

My guess it’s behaviour she’s learned from her mother and she probably doesn’t even realise that some people might find it irritating. You can refuse to get sucked in without humiliating her or falling out.

A friend of mine does this. I think it's because she has less disposable income than I do. I can go for a meal or buy a new top in a month and not think too much about the cost (within reason!) whereas for her, every penny has to be accounted for and justified. So much more of her time is spent considering the cost of things, than mine is. When she asks me how much I have spent, I don't take offense for this reason.

She sounds young; is she? If she's, say, fifteen, I'd be telling her that grown-ups tend not to discuss how much things cost - particularly gifts - because it's considered rude. You'll be doing her a favour.

This drives me nuts as even though I don’t have crazy disposable income occasionally I will treat myself and it makes me feel incredibly awkward and judged.
I find it really rude too unless it’s a genuine interest with a view to copy the thing, I hate when it’s just to be rude about the cost, I’ll be taking on some of the above suggestions!!!

Little finger to the corner of your mouth and tell her it’s one meeeeeellion dollars
Then chuckle to yourself

She will soon stop asking

She probably is trying to assess your wealth. Why doesn’t she work?

My in laws do this. I think it's because they want to judge us and talk about it behind our backs - it's always implied that we've been ripped off / paying unreasonable 'London prices'. It's so tedious.

My SIL does this all the time.
She asked how much my engagement ring cost.

Once when we were out shopping she looked over my shoulder while I was at the ATM and went home and told my brother how much money I had in my account.

I mean - presumably the dynamic is that she and your MiL live together and aren't terribly well off, whereas your husband has managed to do quite well for himself (I think the present was very kind and generous, btw). So is it a kind of strange pride? So she can say to peers - "Look; my brother and SiL bought me this coat, and it was £120!"

She sounds rather dull.

@SW1amp

Little finger to the corner of your mouth and tell her it’s one meeeeeellion dollars Then chuckle to yourself

She will soon stop asking

This 😂

Yeah, it is weird. Gifts especially are supposed to be a bit mysterious, aren't they?

@LetHimHaveIt She is 23.

@SalsaLove The problem is she thinks she works. Its quite a difficult situation really.She got kicked out of school before her GCSEs and spent a year at home 'being home -schooled' aka did nothing. She then had to go to this dreadful sixth form college where she somehow stayed for years without getting her GCSEs. Then she took GCSEs as a private candidate and failed those too. Then covid happened so i guess no GCSEs? She started writing online since she started staying home full time and so she has a Patreon so thats her job now. MIL encourages it as I guess it is building confidence and all that. But that doesn't really make it work in the financial sense even if it may be personally rewarding, i think. My concern is that it might be history repeating itself because that happened to DH's father too; he lost his job in his early 30s and MIL had to support him (plus the 4 children). MIL put him down as his 'assistant' for tax reasons; in reality, DH said all he did was spend the entire day in bed reading comics and would occasionally download antivirus software onto DMIL's laptop while DMIL did the housework, cooking, childcare and also WFH. Needless to say the marriage did not last (but not for financial reasons, for child welfare reasons) and he went off with the divorce money and is now living abroad with his new wife ( about 100k because he got a share in their London house). However, he was utterly convinced he worked because DMIL said so. And now she is telling her daughter the same- that she works. It is none of my business so I have never said anything. i have felt tempted before to ask people on mumsnet if anyone has relatives like that and what happens to them if they never had a job/have no pension/place to live after their parents pass on, but it really is none of my business. of course i know what happened to DFIL but he did own a house and have a divorce settlement, neither of which his daughter has.

FIL does this. Every time “can’t remember” or “don’t know”. Doesn’t stop him keep asking though!

I’m intrigued about your expensive backpack OP, how much was it? Think very carefully about your answer, this is a test LOL

@TeapotCollection i don't remember cos DH bought it for me and it was from our Revolut USD account! haha.