Dating..this puts me right off, am I being too harsh?

[PurpleSapphire]

Not online dating as such but someone you already know in rl or have mutual friends etc (Need to mention that as it does change things, obviously they know i'm a real person, that my kids are real, i'm not secretly married etc).
I may appear online but I could be doing any number of things, cooking tea, talking to my kids about their day, sorting out bills, having a quick bath etc.
Example: guy messages me, I dont read or reply straight away. Messages again "aren't you speaking to me?" Then again "what have I done?" Then again "How rude are you, you're probably just leading me on blah blah".
It REALLY annoys me. Back off pal, if you're going to get so irate because I was cleaning up dog shit in the garden/having a wee/writing an email, you aren't the one for me.
It's not just one, over the years i've met a few like this but it's far worse now that someone can SEE i'm online. Online doesn't mean available to have a long conversation. My dc are young adults, they're in and out at college and work and i'm not about to ignore them if they come in from a late shift and want a chat. I do try to explain this to people but it seems to make no difference.

Is it just me? Should I be a little more understanding? It makes me feel on edge that if I dont reply promptly i'm going to get someone being off with me. I have tried the "Hi, will chat later busy at the mo" approach just to get a message a couple of hours later "why haven't you messaged back?".
When someone does this, I just don't want to bother with them.

Same people don't want this behaviour - of either gender. It's really unattractive and needy.
Op you sound like a normal person yanbu

Just as an update it didn't end well. I tactfully and kindly (I hope) suggested that we perhaps weren't suited and I cant change my situation, he might be looking for a bit more time than I can give at the moment.
He responded by informing me that my dc were not children anymore. Then helpfully told me I needed to sort my life out and he'd give me another chance to figure out what I wanted and the ball was in my court. After a whole day and a half for my good self to re-evaluate my behaviour, he messaged expressing concern that I had not been in touch, proceeded to tell me to block him, then threatened to block me before immediately blocking me, then unblocked me an hour later asking why I hadn't replied...and when I didn't reply, spammed me with emoji after emoji in single messages..after 20 I managed to block him.
Think I dodged a bullet there, bloody hell! On a serious note though wtf?!! Having had an ex who would literally hit the roof over nothing (years of isolation and mental abuse) it's kinda brought back horrible feelings. I need a good kick up the backside, it's not me is it?

But it is you, OP. It's you, stating your preferences, making your boundaries clear, not putting up with anything you don't like.

I don't understand this 'It's not me, is it?' thing; there are no rules about what we're supposed to like, or put up with (apart from laws), so what you are happy with, some other people won't be, and vice versa. You make you're own rules, so it has to be just you, and you have to respect your own view, rather than looking to others to tell you if it's 'ok' or not. All of your feelings are acceptable, and if you want a partner who respects your feelings (and I'm assuming you do), then you need to respect them too. The healthy attitude is 'I don't care if nobody on the planet agrees with me about this: he's doing something that I, personally, do not like. I'm going to tell him, respectfully, how it makes me feel, and if he carries on doing it, despite knowing it makes me feel bad, then he's not the man for me.' That attitude is self respect. It is healthy boundaries. You won't have to worry about getting involved with somebody who isn't good for you if you can get your head round respecting your own feelings, instead of looking for others to say it's ok for you to feel them. That's the kick up the backside you need.

Some blokes are weird and annoying like that. I would just block them. X

Jesus christ OP, your last update is... pretty scary tbh. Hes gone Glenn Close on you already, just imagine trying to extricate yourself from a relationship with him a year down the line!

Thank your lucky stars you saw the absolute batshit batshittery early!!

He responded by informing me that my dc were not children anymore. Then helpfully told me I needed to sort my life out and he'd give me another chance to figure out what I wanted and the ball was in my court. After a whole day and a half for my good self to re-evaluate my behaviour, he messaged expressing concern that I had not been in touch, proceeded to tell me to block him, then threatened to block me before immediately blocking me, then unblocked me an hour later asking why I hadn't replied...and when I didn't reply, spammed me with emoji after emoji in single messages..after 20 I managed to block him.

What a colossal wanker. Congratulations OP, & I trust this experience has helped you see the light re your question: Is it just me? Should I be a little more understanding? Er, Nope.

Be aware that this level of entitlement & mind-fuckery often goes hand in hand with Hoovering. I don't think you will allow any of that nonsense, but here's a cracking link, which I hope makes your roar with cynical laughter at this stage ... because I reckon Mr Wanker Who Knows More About Your Kids Than You Do & How You Ought To Behave For Him will soon unblock you.
You have signally failed to comply with his demands for attention & special treatment, & must be made to see the error of your ways ...
lonerwolf.com/hoovering/

At least it's reassuring that your sense for these things is spot on early on in - just rely on your spidey senses and they will weed out the weirdos for you.

Why does someone like him chose to make a scene at the end though? It's like they think to themselves "I want her left with no doubt as to whether she made the right choice in dumping me... I know, I'll behave like such an immature twat that anything I did wrong before pales into insignificance".

On an iPhone (not sure about android) in settings - account - privacy you can turn off ‘read receipts’ and turn off ‘last seen’ (which is the notification if a contact is online).

Ha! Dodged a bullet!

As soon I I get any of the "why haven't you replied" or any faux-playful "have I upset you then? " nonsense I very swiftly end it citing an incompatibility in communication styles.

This sort of behaviour is at best pathetic and at worst dangerous and I won't have any of it.

Has he tried to get in touch again op?