My partner says he wants to have a baby but doesn't try

[Ljane04]

I need some advice as don't know what to do now and feeling very ill with it all.

I'm 38 and my partner is 53 and we have been together for 2 years. He says he wants to have a baby but is reluctant to try as he is insecure and thinks that as soon as I get pregnant I will leave him as he wants me to love him for him.

He said we could start trying in July and now we are in November and he is still reluctant. We have been arguing a lot lately as it is really starting to get to me, I am 38 and time is running out for me but he doesn't seem to understand. I love him with all my heart but his insecurities are driving us apart.

Time is running out for me and don't know what to do - either stay with him and hope he comes round or consider doing it alone using a donor. Please help :-)

At 53 the quality of his sperm would be questionable - sorry to be focusing on this part of the issue.

"While age-related male infertility may not prevent you from impregnating your partner, you may want to know about risks related to conception in your later years. As sperm ages, genetic changes (mutations) may occur on a more frequent basis. This leads to an increase in the number of chromosomally abnormal sperm – which tend to not be able to fertilize an egg with the same efficiency as chromosomally normal sperm. On rare occasions, abnormal sperm do fertilize an egg – potentially leading to a greater risk for some of the following health disorders in the offspring of men over the age of 40:

Apert’s syndrome
Autism
Recurrent miscarriage
Schizophrenia"

txfertility.com/male-infertility/age-related-male-infertility/

If you get as far as trying, I'd be wanting my partner to have their semen tested (you can't test for the specific conditions above) but general semen fertility checks.

I'm sorry you are going through this op. Fwiw, any man, at any age who is not prepared for you and him to put any potential baby first is not good father material. It doesn't matter if insecurity is at the heart of it (although that sounds like bullshit to me) or not; it boils down to selfishness.

By the way I know a 55 year old who has had DC and is a very devoted involved father. (He happens to be gay and his partner is younger.) So it can work but I personally wouldn't want to be starting at that age.

He is a future faking arse running down your fertile years with bullshit excuses, I fucking hate these blokes.

I just dont understand why he would say he wants to have a family with me if he has no intention

To get you into bed.

He's bullshitting you about what happened with the mothers of his other children. I suspect that deep down he knows that it was his behaviour as a husband and father that contributed to those relationships breaking down.

[quote Babyghirl]@Ljane04
Pack your bags and walk, he's stringing you along he wants someone to look after him in his older years and your the perfect person younger than him no kids.

He does not want kids tell him your leaving as he does not want what you want, and if he says we can start in Feb or what ever month don't listen to him cause he will keep moving the goal post. He will put it off and put it off until its taking out of your control and its to late.[/quote]
This!

Christ imagine, having teenagers and an partner approaching old age to deal with. That sounds a nightmare in itself OP, don't do it to yourself.

Tell him you will get pregnant by a sperm donor but are happy to stay with him. See what he says.

Christ imagine, having teenagers and an partner approaching old age to deal with.

This.
It sounds like your partner might not be ‘young on the inside’ right now.... imagine in 10-15 yrs time....

He doesnt want another child and personally I wouldn't blame him. However, he has been unfair to you as he probably likes having you around but is stringing you along hoping you will forget the baby thing and continue his nice life with you. Sorry OP there will be no patters of tiny feet any time soon unless you move on.

Maybe he doesn't want 4 children with 3 different women at 53? I don't blame him to be honest but he should have been honest with you.

His sperm will be of low quality at his age, he doesn’t want a kid, and for him to have four kids by three different women is just embarrassing.

You really don’t have a minute left to waste.

Why would you start something up with someone of his age and background if you want DC? The writing was on the wall a bit, he was never a good choice. I also wonder if you have had his version of events corroberated, not unheard of, but unusual that a mother to 2 DC's would have lots of affairs, then the next one? I suspect he's the on who can't stick around after DC. It's transferance, he's the one who'd leave you if a baby came along as he's the one who changes and disappears off I'd wager

@Boopeedoop

Tell him you will get pregnant by a sperm donor but are happy to stay with him. See what he says.

Definitely! You'll soon find out the truth.

@Ljane04 I only hope that you are fine now. I've been in similar situation when I was 32 and was with my ex-husband for 15 years by that time. I ended up divorcing and remarrying.