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Original poster

Guilted for splitting up family

48 replies

annebutnoththeanneyouknow · 07/11/2021 15:44

So me and ex are still living together, i will be moving out soon. However he is making me feel guilty saying im splitting the family up. Which i am and i know i am.
My reason for this is i feel is valid, he belittles me when it came to sex. It was never enough or i didnt put enough effort in. He even told me a few times that if he knew he wasnt going to get it he would of stayed at work. It made me feel low and quite depressed. There are other things too that have happened that led me to loose my trust for him.
Now after 3 years of ups and downs im going to leave, I dont feel like being with him make me the best mum i can be. But he tells me im breaking his heart and splitting up the family.
He is contantly trying to touch me and make sexual remarks because obviously we arent having sex. Then when i tell him to stop he tells me its because he is so in love with me.
I just want peoples perspectives. I feel so much relief that we dont have to have sex and i dont miss any of the intimacy. We have been sleeping in separate rooms for 7 months

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/11/2021 15:47

He's pulling out the stops by saying this, knowing it's your weak point. The irony is that if he really wanted you all to be a family then he should have treated you properly. Even now a sincere apology and proof he's going to change would have far more effect than insulting you, but he just can't do it, can he?

Original poster
annebutnoththeanneyouknow · 07/11/2021 15:50

@HollowTalk we had a couple of break ups in the past and we would talk everything out and it was great for a few months. But then it would go back to how its always been. I just dont want to continue going around in circles. But i do feel bad for my kids i love them so much and he knows that

OP posts:
chocolatte0334 · 07/11/2021 16:16

If you were to stay you would continue going around in circles

Avarua · 07/11/2021 16:21

That sexual mismatch isn't going to go away. He's not wrong for wanting to have sex with you; you're not wrong for not wanting to have sex with him; but you're obviously not compatible on this point and it's clearly become somewhat of a big deal.

If you do have hang-ups about sex then best get those resolved rather than expecting them to disappear in subsequent relationships.

Original poster
annebutnoththeanneyouknow · 07/11/2021 16:27

I have pointed that out to him. For me i feel my not wanting sex is because of how he approaches it? I get anxious when i think about it. I used to do it just because he wanted it and i was not in the mood but then i realised how empty that was making me feel so i stopped doing it when i wasnt in the mood

OP posts:
Pumpkinsonparade · 07/11/2021 16:29

Tell him the fact he is an ignorant sex pest is what is splitting your family up.

MadMadMadamMim · 07/11/2021 16:53

@Pumpkinsonparade

Tell him the fact he is an ignorant sex pest is what is splitting your family up.
This.

He's the one that's caused the split. His shitty behaviour and failure to accept that trying to touch you and manipulate you into having sex is unacceptable.

You've split up - and he's still fucking doing this. Manipulative twat.

Original poster
annebutnoththeanneyouknow · 07/11/2021 17:03

@MadMadMadamMim everytime he does it i tell him not too. But he seems to think because we are under the same roof its ok? And he also said recently that he "wants one last shot of me!" which is absolutely not happening

OP posts:
Shouldbedoing · 07/11/2021 17:05

He's emotionally and sexually abusive

Original poster
annebutnoththeanneyouknow · 07/11/2021 17:07

@Shouldbedoing i feel like he might be. But i dont think he is intentionally doing it, most of it i think is a poor choice of words

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 07/11/2021 17:10

He's so thick he doesn't realise sexually aggressive behaviour doesn't appeal to women who have finished with you because of it?

Everything you post makes him sound worse and worse, to be honest. I'd be moving out asap.

Owlink · 07/11/2021 17:12

He IS sexually abusive; it's not just a poor choice of words. He sounds revolting. He is breaking the family up by using you as a wank sock.

honeylulu · 07/11/2021 17:14

And he also said recently that he "wants one last shot of me!"

Omg he's disgusting. In his eyes you are just a possession/wank sock.

Hoppinggreen · 07/11/2021 17:17

[quote annebutnoththeanneyouknow]@MadMadMadamMim everytime he does it i tell him not too. But he seems to think because we are under the same roof its ok? And he also said recently that he "wants one last shot of me!" which is absolutely not happening[/quote]
That’s gross and should help confirm you are doing the right thing

Shoxfordian · 07/11/2021 17:18

He’s sexually abusing you for as long as you’re in that house. I hope you have a lock for your door

When can you or he move out?

RandomMess · 07/11/2021 17:22

He wants sex with someone that doesn't willingly want to have sex with him.

Decent people want sex with someone that is not only willing BUT ALSO enthusiastic about having sex with them!!

He is a sex pest and emotional abusive. You've split up and he is sexually harassing you.

Every comment, every touch call him out "stop sexually harassing me" you know you can report him to the police for this?

RandomMess · 07/11/2021 17:23

Can you start spending most of your time elsewhere?

DowntonCrabby · 07/11/2021 17:26

It’s abuse OP, he’s disgusting. You should feel zero guilt about leaving, you’ll be doing what’s absolutely best for you and any DC. Flowers

lisaandalan · 07/11/2021 17:27

Leave him, he's an arsehole. X

billy1966 · 07/11/2021 18:12

He is sexually abusive.

He needs telling that this is one of the reasons you are leaving.

Tell him that you will report him to the police and make a formal complaint if he comes near you again.

He is utter scum.

Get out of there asap.

Do not feel guilty.

He is a bad man and he is committing a crime touching you when you have said No.

He needs telling, firmly.
Flowers

Original poster
annebutnoththeanneyouknow · 07/11/2021 18:50

@Hoppinggreen i know deep down its the right thing. But when he makes me feel bad i question myself

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/11/2021 18:53

@Avarua

That sexual mismatch isn't going to go away. He's not wrong for wanting to have sex with you; you're not wrong for not wanting to have sex with him; but you're obviously not compatible on this point and it's clearly become somewhat of a big deal.

If you do have hang-ups about sex then best get those resolved rather than expecting them to disappear in subsequent relationships.

He is wrong. Because they are split up and he's still touching her without consent. That's assualt.

And I found 'hang-ups' miraculously disappeared when with a nice hot man. Like POOF gone.

Original poster
annebutnoththeanneyouknow · 07/11/2021 18:53

@billy1966 the last time we split i told him that i didnt like him saying certain things and touching me all the time. And i thought we had worked it out but i was wrong. So he was aware of how i felt

OP posts:
Original poster
annebutnoththeanneyouknow · 07/11/2021 18:58

@MrsTerryPratchett i think you are right. I was quite young when i met him and i think truthfully i was happy that anyone would want me. But now 9 years later i have grown into a different person. And having sex without wanting it done the most damage, i would do it to make him happy sometimes. Dont get me wrong there were times i enjoyed it, but i mostly done it so he wouldnt be grumpy with me

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/11/2021 19:05

i mostly done it so he wouldnt be grumpy with me

I'm so sorry love. When you're well clear of him and it's been long enough and if you want to, I suggest making the rule that you will only have sexual contact which you really really want. From kissing to sex.
Your body belongs to you, whether in a relationship or not.

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