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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend's family aren't interested in meeting me

33 replies

cupofchaitea · 06/11/2021 22:12

I (24f) have been with my boyfriend (25) now for 5 years and I still haven't met his family. I am nervous as he is my first boyfriend but I'd still like to meet them and sort of become part of their family too. I think he was nervous as they knew his previous girlfriends through school so this would be the first big introduction but I'd really like to start being involved in things they do.

What annoys me is that they have shown no interest. They haven't asked about me (I know they know about me) and never ask him if he'd like to invite me along to things. It feels like they are happy with him and his sister and aren't interested in welcoming anyone new to their little " exclusive club".

Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 06/11/2021 22:14

5 years!? Tbats a long time to still not have met his family. How do you know they don't ask about you or invite you to things? Does your business tell you that?

namechange30455 · 06/11/2021 22:15

How do you know they never ask him about you?

I think you've got a boyfriend problem tbh. Why has he never said "oh is it ok if I bring "cupofchaitea" along?" I wouldn't want to pressure my DS into bringing a girlfriend along, I'd expect him to suggest it when he was ready for us to meet her tbh.

UnsuitableHat · 06/11/2021 22:19

What does bf say about it?

Billandben444 · 06/11/2021 22:19

It's down to your BF to instigate this - 5 years is too long for him to not want you to integrate (unless they're The Adams Family?).

Kite22 · 06/11/2021 22:21

5 years ?????

Do you live in different countries ?

I'm not sure why you are 'blaming' his family. What has he done about inviting you to anything ?
What have you both done in terms of inviting them to things ?

Sally872 · 06/11/2021 22:21

Invite them over?

notangelinajolie · 06/11/2021 22:21

I think it may be your BF who is behind this.

Suprima · 06/11/2021 22:36

Your boyfriend is the problem here

5 years, hasn’t invited you to meet the family- yikes

dancemom · 06/11/2021 22:37

Do you live with your boyfriend or does he live at home?

whatnumber · 06/11/2021 22:37

That is very strange. Do they live far away? Haven't you ever bumped into them in his home? I assume he doesn't live with them?

Theuniverseandeverything · 06/11/2021 22:39

Assume he has met your family?

TillyDevon · 06/11/2021 22:40

I would be really worried if hadn’t been introduced- I agree , are you sure it’s them and not your boyfriend keeping you away for some reason?
For me it would actually undermine how I felt about the boyfriend , dh and I met each others’ families within weeks or months and it mattered to both of us as close to our families. Is he close to his?

Original poster
cupofchaitea · 06/11/2021 22:41

he has met my family. we live in different towns from them but still not too far. I think he is nervous and now it has reached a point where we are so far into our relationship that it's extra nerve-racking!

OP posts:
Kite22 · 06/11/2021 22:43

So how have they replied when you have invited them to things ?

Theuniverseandeverything · 06/11/2021 22:47

What do you do for Christmas or special occasions? Does he go on his own?

TillyDevon · 06/11/2021 22:51

Everyone is nervous but 5 years of total avoidance is not normal. I would take this quite personally , unless he’s worried what you’ll think of them which is also possible! Or has some unusual anxiety going on.

Lovelydiscusfish · 06/11/2021 23:26

Yeah, seems weird. Does he know how much it is bothering you?

Does he see much of them himself? Could he be embarrassed about something about them - maybe they aren’t very nice? Does he talk about them much?

Wiredforsound · 07/11/2021 03:57

You haven’t met his family because he doesn’t want you to. That’s the answer.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 07/11/2021 04:22

Sonething is horribly wrong in your relationship with your DP and/or your DP in general.

This is really not normal, even if they are in a different country.

Are there cultural factors at play???

Lemonsyellow · 07/11/2021 04:30

Yeah, something not right here with your DP. He should have suggested meeting. He doesn’t want you to meet his family. How do you actually know that they even know about you? Are you sure?

fallfallfall · 07/11/2021 04:38

5 years?? somethings not right.

Teana89 · 07/11/2021 06:38

How do you know they know about you?
Have you ever spoken to them on the phone or zoom?

It sounds like he is living two separate lives...

billy1966 · 07/11/2021 06:40

Something very off about this.

MrsFoxyplease · 07/11/2021 06:45

He's hiding something.

  1. He doesn't want you to find out about something so is keeping you away from his family- life choices/employment/child/other relationship/divorce.
  2. He's ashamed of his family/upbringing and has likely lied to you.
  3. He's ashamed of your relationship and they don't know you exist.
Redjumper1 · 07/11/2021 06:49

Very strange. Is their a reason different culture/different class/ashamed in some way/weird relationship with family. Has he said why?

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