Boyfriend's family aren't interested in meeting me

[cupofchaitea]

I (24f) have been with my boyfriend (25) now for 5 years and I still haven't met his family. I am nervous as he is my first boyfriend but I'd still like to meet them and sort of become part of their family too. I think he was nervous as they knew his previous girlfriends through school so this would be the first big introduction but I'd really like to start being involved in things they do.

What annoys me is that they have shown no interest. They haven't asked about me (I know they know about me) and never ask him if he'd like to invite me along to things. It feels like they are happy with him and his sister and aren't interested in welcoming anyone new to their little " exclusive club".

Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

This is weird. Either he doesn't want them to know about you, or he doesn't want you to meet them for some reason. Do you love together ?

I'm impressed with 5 years, I could only put up with mine for 4!
Mine was more a case of he refused to introduce me to his family, 2 of his sisters lived close to him and his parents lived further away. He was separated and dragging his heels sorting the divorce out, pretty sure he was hiding me from his family, but I met his friends. It was very hurtful, like I wasn't important to him. He said I was asking for too much commitment, I never wanted to live with him, just be introduced to sisters after 2 years. I got the last laugh when he told me his mum had died, I told him to fuck off home and not bother me until he was over it! so remember if your dp has a relative who dies, it is NOT within your obligation to give a shit as you never met them.

@cupofchaitea I actually didn’t meet DHs family for about 5 years - but there was a lot going on. His dad and stepmum lived abroad (about 7h flight) and his stepdad took very ill not long after we got together (several severe strokes resulting in loss of speech and quadriplegia) and mum was forced into the roll of full time carer. They lived about 2h away. She wasn’t very close to DH either as she’d left the family home when he was a young teen so he rarely saw her himself. In fact, the first thing MIL ever invited me to was her DHs funeral 😳 she said it would be “nice for me to meet all the family at once” 😬 i politely declined and sent flowers and met her a few months later

He hadn’t met my family as I don’t have a great relationship with them and they tend to get over involved in things. I prefer just to keep myself separate.

They have all met now of course - but only after us being together 5 years (now together 12 years). If there’s no majorly obvious factors at play for why you haven’t met them then I’d be asking questions!

This isn't about his family - it's about him.

I mean that if he wants to introduce you to his family he can do that.

Unless you're saying that he has told his family he's inviting you around and they've said 'no - we don't want to meet her'?

I think it's more likely that he's the barrier. As pp said, he could be ashamed of them / ashamed of your relationship / not wanting you to find something out about him

Its him, not them!

Wow, you've put up with this for 5 years??? Fuck that shit.

Do you two live together? Have you initiated a meeting?

What is his explanation for you not meeting them?

What does he say when you point out it's been 5 years and this is bizarre? Do you live together?