Do your partner/ oh hide upstairs when family visit?

[Lollypopla]

Mine went up because my family were coming
They stayed 2.5 hours
Oh came down when they left huffing & puffing saying that was a long cup of tea i dont like sitting in the bedroom for that long

I said u could have came down he said i dont want to be around them
I said why wat have they done to you
He said shut up I don’t wana talk about it

I do.
But I’m scared to admit it with all of the comments.
I find it excruciating when people are in my house. I’m extremely tense, uncomfortable and anxious the whole time.
I can see mess, crap lying round that the kids and dh has dumped and feel very very embarrassed about the state of the place.
It overwhelms every thought.
I also feel this way about answering the door.
I actually feel exhausted when they leave.
This is family and good friends. I’m totally different at their houses or meeting anywhere else.

I have made excuses and then hidden upstairs frequently.
Lock down was so good as no visitors.

Sometimes I do because I just can’t muster the energy to socialise. Surely it’s better for me to be busy than sitting with a face like a slapped arse pretending to enjoy the company and conversation.

My BIL did this. Went upstairs and he left his wife to host 9 members of his side of the family! I was gobsmacked!
He went upstairs for a nap. Wasn't ill. Wasn't working nights. He invited us & knew were were coming. What I found more baffling was that no one batted an eyelid.

my family doesn't live in the same country as me so no.

it's me who hides when I've had enough (like right now) but it's nothing to do with the people visiting, but to do with health issues.

I'm sociable for as long as I can then I need a break. nobody minds. nobody huffs & puffs

I have two different friends whose DHs do this, and I find it unspeakably rude that they hide themselves away and refuse to come out. Mind you, the pair of them are cunts in other respects too, so it's no loss really.

Does the same when my friend comes

I do think that can be slightly different. If a friend had invited me round for a bottle of wine and quiet night in, the I wouldn't expect their partner / dh to be joining us.

I mean, generally I'd only be invited / plan to go round when friend's dh wasn't there, so the dynamic would be completely different if her were sat on the sofa for the evening.

Family, OTOH, is different.

Does he try to persuade you not to go to theirs for visits too? Or make it awkward for you? I think he sounds incredibly childish and rude. He knows it’s embarrassing for you but doesn’t care and complains even when they’ve left!

My partner goes upstairs for a good hour or so when he knows they are on their way. Then Comes down with the 'oh I didn't know you were here' line. I don't know what to make of it. I thought he liked my parents, hell he was happy to take a free holiday with them. Also he changes his mind when it comes to things when they are around and says I'm lying, its like he's changed his mind or opinion about something without mentioning it to me when he has previously complained before. I'm pretty laid back but when I've got a finger pointed in my face and his whole view changes like an act Infront of my family I back down to save embarrassment. I'm starting to feel like an idiot, but at the same time I'm wondering if it's something I've done wrong or not picked up on.

I dont see a problem - when my ex in laws came round I would often 'find things to do' or go out. Luckily our kitchen / diner was ground floor and lounge on 1st floor so I could watch football or something while round. I would pop down to get a drink but interact as little as possible. He was a complete dick - no respect for him at all, even ex didnt either. She was not as bad but just dull and negative so better for ex to have longer with them and me out the way!