I was single for 12 years, from 36 to 48. Went through the lonely phase, the broody phase, and then finally the fuck it phase, where I just came to terms with staying single and not having kids - I’d probably made peace with it by the time I was 45.
Spent the next few years enjoying my own company. Got involved with an allotment and walking group. Did some short courses and a science GCSE. Got a new, slightly different job. Traveled to places out of my comfort zone. Learned to rock climb. Made friends with other single women and women without children - of all ages. Started to really like my solo life. Didn’t date for the last ten years - internet dating was a bit grim.
Got an email from Guardian Soulmates saying they were closing down and would be free to existing account holders for the next two months. In a moment of madness I reactivated a dormant account. Got a few messages from pensioners. Got one from a guy three years older than me. Had kids - not ideal, but could work with it. Blonde - not my type either, but thought I’d take a chance. He’s been around ever since.
We won’t live together or pool resources or get married. He’s my Sunday boyfriend. We go away for a few days to walk or explore or bike ride.
I think the thing that worked for me is that I accepted a life of singledom, then worked out what I really liked about it, made the most of that, and that’s when he popped up. He said he went for me because I was independent, and had a life when I wouldn’t be with him - I wasn’t needy.
I really like him in my life, and am happy when he’s around, or doing other things. I experienced vvv happy times when I was single and had come to terms with it, and am not scared if we split up for whatever reason - I still have a happy life.