Please give your opinions on how this could pan out...

[Squeezedtillipop]

you know, hive mind.

Both divorced, both in 50s. He works from home, I’m financially independent. Six kids between us, mid teens and tweens. My kids live with me, his are with his ex. He lives two counties away, near the kids and sees his kids EOW but their relationship isn’t great tbh. Youngest has ASD and can’t cope with some things, eldest is too busy.

My kids are settled in school here and I’ve no plans to move them. He says he’s only living where he is to see his children and that isn’t going well as I say, and he says he feels stuck. I’m not ready to have him move here or similar, and much as my ex husband is an arse, my kids don’t need a new Dad.

He keeps saying that he can’t live where he is indefinitely as he’s stuck there just for the kids, and is lonely. He’s ex forces and doesn’t have much of a local network where he is. We are really happy when we are together, we (or rather he) can’t get his head around the logistics of it all.

If you had to predict how this goes, what happens next?

I’ve also pointed out that if he really was the sort of man who would let his relationship with his kids just drift, I wouldn’t be interested in him. I love him to bits but I don’t see us all living in some sort of Waltons size house getting along etc. So I guess we are where we are.

Did this start from OLD. I don't get the point of dating someone a large distance away if you are tied to your location by DC responsibilities. You want to know what's next? Well, the same thing that was predicable from the start really. Neither of you can move so Either you have a distance relationship with a lot of commuting between you for a number of years, or you sack it off.But really, less angst all round if you don't start these things.

Yes OLD. It’s about 90 mins between us which is fine for us but scuppers school issues. But on the basis of what you’ve said it’s only worth seeing someone whose kids live in commuting distance of mine so there’s no disruption.

I agree with @Opentooffers.

"Yes OLD. It’s about 90 mins between us which is fine for us but scuppers school issues".

So really it is not actually fine for you?

But on the basis of what you’ve said it’s only worth seeing someone whose kids live in commuting distance of mine so there’s no disruption."

Well yes. Kids come first. If you wanted to be free to date freely and experience and engage in relationships you should not have had children . You do now have children so dating someone 90 mins away, ( and Online which i cringe at) when you both have childcare responsibilities , work commitments , family responsibilities and "school " issues is a total waste of time. 90 mins away and you both have work and childcare responsibilities!! If you had more " time" this would not be an issue.

You do not have the time! Nor does he. Either accept it for what it is or, just wait until your children are older and you have more free time to participate in relationships.

Whaaat? “If you wanted to be free to date freely and experience and engage in relationships you should not have had children .”

I didn’t plan on having children with a man who would turn out to prefer other men from time to time, but that’s where we are!

And OLD makes you cringe? Thanks for sharing. By your strident judgement, I should stay single until I’m pushing 60 and only see people I meet in my current social circle? Aye. Right enough.

By 90 minutes being fine for us, I meant that’s no big deal as a travel time. That’s all.

"I didn’t plan on having children with a man who would turn out to prefer other men from time to time, but that’s where we are! "

Lots of us are where we never expected to be. We are are all where we are. You have only known this guy for a short while. Your situations are different. Such is life. Put yr children first.

Yes, you may have to wait, if that what is ultimately best for yr children. Invest in yourself for now Op.

Of course it's fine to do OLD when you have DC's. I've done it, am doing it. But I never dated someone I'd have to move my DC for if it worked out, and why set yourself up for a 90 min commute when you don't have to? It's a non-starter, that's why you set your area. It's short sighted otherwise, they can be god's gift, with a fantastic profile, but if a long commute away and with dependent DC's, swipe left. That's why you are where you are, and that's why lots of people on boards are complaining about managing their LDR's.