Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Could you date a bad kisser?

74 replies

sandy354 · 04/11/2021 07:04

Ok so I should probably caveat this - I don't believe there's is such a thing as a bad kisser as what one person doesn't like, someone else will.

But could you dare someone who you didn't consider to be a good (or compatible kisser)?

After years of OLD I've met a really lovely guy, we get on well, loads in common, he's treated me well (so far!) and I do find him physically attractive

BUT

When we kissed, I just wasn't feeling it and didn't enjoy it as much as I usually would. Without going into too much detail I'd say we had different techniques

If I'm honest it's out me off a bit but after years of dating without much success it seems a silly thing to end it over.

We've only had one full on snog so I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this? And if so, does it tend to get better over time? Do your kissing styles both adapt a bit to suit each other? Or is it doomed?
The fact that I didn't enjoy the kiss is making me wonder if sleeping together would be a disaster!

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 05/11/2021 01:35

@MrsSchadenfreude

There is definitely such a thing as a bad kisser! There’s the “washing machine on spin cycle” where his tongue goes round and round your mouth at speed. There’s the “Tide Stick”, jabbing at you with a hard and pointy tongue. There’s also the “Broken washing machine” where his tongue sits in your mouth doing nothing except producing huge amounts of saliva.
I love this. Grin
CatonMat · 05/11/2021 01:41

I hate the pointy tongued kissers!

It's like jousting.

I have dated a wet kisser and that was horrible.

me4real · 05/11/2021 01:59

I personally don't find french kissing sexually arousing at all, though it can be romantic I suppose.

My last ex liked to have mouths wide open and really full on kisses which I found pretty gross- he insisted this was the 'right' way to kiss and I must do that and trained me to do it.

One time after that I kissed someone else using this 'officially right technique' and they said 'why are you kissing me like a praying mantis?' Grin

So I suppose you could say that how kissing is done could reflect the balance of power in a relationship, or a fundamental incompatibility in that particular respect.

I don't think it need necessarily reflect what the rest of the sex is going to be like.

JustKittenAround · 05/11/2021 05:02

@MacNTosh

No, don’t do it. I married one, was young and thought it could be overlooked, but really our sex life was never great from my POV. He’s exDH now, when I met my DH who I’ve been married to for over 20 years, it was absolute bliss to be kissed and still is.
#metoo on the first marriage.
TheFoundations · 05/11/2021 09:17

@MrsSchadenfreude

There is definitely such a thing as a bad kisser! There’s the “washing machine on spin cycle” where his tongue goes round and round your mouth at speed. There’s the “Tide Stick”, jabbing at you with a hard and pointy tongue. There’s also the “Broken washing machine” where his tongue sits in your mouth doing nothing except producing huge amounts of saliva.
You're detailing your preferences. Not everybody is you.
nextdoorslawnmower · 05/11/2021 09:26

I dated a guy who somehow part way through kissing would start licking my mouth and face. He's married now and I do wonder if he licks her whole face and she enjoys it.

Sorry that doesn't help.

Sonaftersonafterson · 05/11/2021 09:59

Eek. I wouldn't. I slept with a guy who kissed me so awkwardly on our first date it made me cringe. I put it down to nerves. In bed, he was worse. It is an indication of their confidence and to me, confidence equals good sex. Awkward nervous and shy give me the ick!

CornishGem1975 · 05/11/2021 10:07

My ex-husband was an awful kisser, hence we never really kissed at all. Not even during sex, which is weird. My DP now, we would kiss all day long if we had the time Blush I love kissing him.

me4real · 05/11/2021 10:27

@nextdoorslawnmower Eek that reminds me of one who would french kiss me, then lick out my ear deeply, then french kiss me with an earwaxy mouth. Shock

PermanentTemporary · 05/11/2021 10:33

I have met one man who was a terrible kisser but absolutely exceptional at sex, I had my first ever orgasm with a partner with him, and he was a complete stranger so not bad going.

In general, I would say kissing technique you like is teachable if you are weak at the knees with desire for him. Otherwise I'm not sure I would invest the time.

Flipflopfoodle · 05/11/2021 15:49

I married my bad kisser! To be fair he was inexperienced. Been married for 20 years and he is now the best kisser ever, makes my blood run hot even after all this time. Depends if he does it for you in all other ways, but at 40 I would imagine he is stuck in his kissing ways.

MrsSchadenfreude · 05/11/2021 17:13

@TheFoundations well most people seem to agree with me on the pointy tongue and saliva bath. But perhaps you like that, or kiss like that yourself.

Yirty · 05/11/2021 17:30

My ex said I was a bad kisser as I was too soft and he like it hard and full on tongues. I just couldn’t get into his way of doing it as it was saliva all over the place and just too deep for me. I like a bit of tongue touching but not too much.

CherryBlossomAutumn · 05/11/2021 17:36

No. I wouldn’t date someone who was a bad kisser.

And personally I don’t think it’s compatibility, it’s someone who doesn’t connect well sexually if he can’t connect kissing.

Because that’s all it is, a connection, nothing to do with technique. In fact surely the best kisses are one’s where it’s anticipation, and you can feel that they really like you. It might even be a bit awkward, but they are sensing you and your body as much as theirs.

There is another thread about would you date someone with a disfigured face. Yes. Because a connection is about that, the connecting. And if someone just plants you with a kiss, and it’s a forced tongue down your throat or really sloppy that’s what the sex is going to be like!

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/11/2021 17:47

DP was a bad kisser at first (washing machine) but I taught him how to do it and it didn't take long at all, now he's amazing at it. If someone has good lips then they can become a good kisser

This bad kisses can be taught

CatonMat · 05/11/2021 22:57

My ex came round to see me, and gave me a peck on the cheek when he left.
Still a soggy puddle left behind. Sad

Pugmumm · 05/11/2021 23:05

What do you mean by a bad kisser?

My DP doesn't use a lot of tongue but he's great with his lips.

Original poster
sandy354 · 05/11/2021 23:20

@Pugmumm

What do you mean by a bad kisser? My DP doesn't use a lot of tongue but he's great with his lips.
I think it means different things to different people. What I should have said is an 'incompatible kisser'

This particular kiss was just a bit full on, I like a bit of tongues but this was almost like he just put his full tongue in my mouth and left it there for a few seconds, then no tongues at all, then his whole tongue back in my mouth just sitting there. Almost kinda limp and placid. It's actually giving me the ick thinking about it!!

Got another date tomorrow night so going to have a couple of drinks and give it another go!

OP posts:
me4real · 06/11/2021 14:20

@sandy354 If you don't like iit tonght then tell him what you like when it comes to kissing and let him have a go. As I've said in other posts, my ex had firm ideas about the grossness which he considered good kissing. He was able to get me to do it how he wanted fairly quickly, so I imagine you can let your date know what you want too and he will start to do it. It might take him a couple of snogs or dates to do it how you like, but then it'll be ok.

Pugmumm · 06/11/2021 14:35

@sandy354 sounds like my DP 😆

CosmicUnicorn · 08/11/2021 18:40

@violetanemone

I think a kiss is a good indication for sexual compatability tbh, so no I wouldn't keep seeing someone if I didn't enjoy kissing them.
I agree.
CosmicUnicorn · 08/11/2021 18:53

@CornishGem1975 My stbx was a terrible kisser too and we wouldn’t kiss before or during sex. It was awful! He reckoned he couldn’t breathe (I wasn’t suffocating him) and his asthma would flare up! I was expected to have boring sex with him without any passionate kissing at any point. As a result, our marriage became sexless over a decade ago! I called it a day earlier this year!
Glad your new man is a good kisser?

CornishGem1975 · 08/11/2021 19:59

[quote CosmicUnicorn]@CornishGem1975 My stbx was a terrible kisser too and we wouldn’t kiss before or during sex. It was awful! He reckoned he couldn’t breathe (I wasn’t suffocating him) and his asthma would flare up! I was expected to have boring sex with him without any passionate kissing at any point. As a result, our marriage became sexless over a decade ago! I called it a day earlier this year!
Glad your new man is a good kisser?[/quote]
It's the worst isn't it!

Good for you calling it a day - I couldn't be in a sexless marriage either and I love passionate kissing.

CosmicUnicorn · 08/11/2021 20:23

@CornishGem1975
I do too! Such a turn on!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page