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Original poster

Could you date a bad kisser?

74 replies

sandy354 · 04/11/2021 07:04

Ok so I should probably caveat this - I don't believe there's is such a thing as a bad kisser as what one person doesn't like, someone else will.

But could you dare someone who you didn't consider to be a good (or compatible kisser)?

After years of OLD I've met a really lovely guy, we get on well, loads in common, he's treated me well (so far!) and I do find him physically attractive

BUT

When we kissed, I just wasn't feeling it and didn't enjoy it as much as I usually would. Without going into too much detail I'd say we had different techniques

If I'm honest it's out me off a bit but after years of dating without much success it seems a silly thing to end it over.

We've only had one full on snog so I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this? And if so, does it tend to get better over time? Do your kissing styles both adapt a bit to suit each other? Or is it doomed?
The fact that I didn't enjoy the kiss is making me wonder if sleeping together would be a disaster!

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 04/11/2021 08:09

@StormBaby

Don’t settle! I did for two years and it was a symptom of a relationship lacking in connection, passion and deep emotions. I should’ve run on that first date, I’m now married to someone who makes my knees tremble from just a simple snog
I think that makes sense, but not to judge and dump after one kiss. Connections develop, passion develops, kissing develops.
Original poster
sandy354 · 04/11/2021 08:13

@StormBaby

Don’t settle! I did for two years and it was a symptom of a relationship lacking in connection, passion and deep emotions. I should’ve run on that first date, I’m now married to someone who makes my knees tremble from just a simple snog
@StormBaby I definitely not 'settle' for a relationship just for the sake of it. I've been separated from my exH for 6+ years and dated quite a bit. The main reason I'm still single is a refusal to settle (and also due to a few awful dating experiences 😂)

I just wondered fro people's experiences if it could improve and it sounds possible 🤞🏼
I wouldn't be bothering if I didn't think there was potential for something good x

OP posts:
violetanemone · 04/11/2021 08:16

I think a kiss is a good indication for sexual compatability tbh, so no I wouldn't keep seeing someone if I didn't enjoy kissing them.

Allsorts1 · 04/11/2021 08:28

I’ve definitely improved someone’s kissing/aligned it to my own - we are still together now and they’re a great kisser, much better than when we met! But you have to have a guy who has an unflappable ego and is happy to adjust for you - I feel like this is quite a rare thing Grin. I went about it by saying, “let’s kiss like in the movies, slow etc” and then doing a few practice runs. They got the hint miraculously fast though, I’m not sure it would be so easy with everyone.

PlausibleSuit · 04/11/2021 08:29

@TheFoundations

I think you need to do what you feel, rather than think think think this. Sex can't be a disaster with a bad kisser if you're following your body's lead, because sex won't happen with the bad kisser.
This is very wise.
kittenkipping · 04/11/2021 08:30

My dh can't kiss for shit. I've tried to train him, but it hits his confidence and he just gets a different kind of bad for a while. I miss it terribly. He wasn't an inexperienced teenager when we got together either- early thirties with many women preceding me. BUT the sex is amazing! And as I'm nearly 20years in I'd not give up guaranteed regular orgasm over it (there's plenty of other reasons to be with him- he os a very good man and wonderful life partner) for me, having been about a bit- its not easy finding a lover that satisfies each and every time. So the trade is worth it.

But sometimes when I watch tv and see what clearly a good kiss. I miss it.

Hoesbeforebroes · 04/11/2021 08:35

@Allsorts1

I’ve definitely improved someone’s kissing/aligned it to my own - we are still together now and they’re a great kisser, much better than when we met! But you have to have a guy who has an unflappable ego and is happy to adjust for you - I feel like this is quite a rare thing Grin. I went about it by saying, “let’s kiss like in the movies, slow etc” and then doing a few practice runs. They got the hint miraculously fast though, I’m not sure it would be so easy with everyone.
That's my experience too.

And how a man responds to a bit of constructive criticism is a great test of whether or not he's relationship material IMO, much more so than whether or not he's an expert kisser!

MonkeyPuddle · 04/11/2021 09:28

With DP our first kiss was crap cos he wanted to kiss me so much, he was a bit like an excited puppy really, we laughed at it then and we laugh at it now.
Was worth giving him a second chance cos he’s a cracking partner (most of the time!) and knows how to give me bloody amazing orgasms!

Jaikers · 04/11/2021 09:39

@kittenkipping

My dh can't kiss for shit. I've tried to train him, but it hits his confidence and he just gets a different kind of bad for a while. I miss it terribly. He wasn't an inexperienced teenager when we got together either- early thirties with many women preceding me. BUT the sex is amazing! And as I'm nearly 20years in I'd not give up guaranteed regular orgasm over it (there's plenty of other reasons to be with him- he os a very good man and wonderful life partner) for me, having been about a bit- its not easy finding a lover that satisfies each and every time. So the trade is worth it.

But sometimes when I watch tv and see what clearly a good kiss. I miss it.

Same.
Bookworm20 · 04/11/2021 15:57

First kiss with current DP was not great. It was a over enthusiastic, a bit much for me and I didn't like it in all honesty. But I think we were both probably nervous and trying to impress the other and it just didn't work that well, lol

However. A few kisses in, I sort of took the reins a little and basically ignored his enthusiastic technique and did it my way. He calmed it down, took my lead and now we have a very compatible kissing relationship and we both love kissing each other.
So don't write him off after one kiss!
He may have thought the same about you!

And kissing someone once is definitely NOT an indication of how good someone is in bed. But with all relationships, you develop together and it gets better as you get to know what the other person likes, prefers, enjoys. What turns them on, what doesn't so much.

If it wasn't completely horrendous, have a good few more cracks at it before you throw in the towel.

Same advice for sex. The first time might not be mind blowingly brilliant as you both try and figure each other out. Factor in nerves, newness, worry if the other person is enjoying it, am I turning them on etc etc. It does not mean though that it won't be mind blowingly brilliant very soon after.

ILoveYouMoreTheEnd · 04/11/2021 16:08

It depends what you love in an affectionate way and also what turns you on. As others have said sex is amazing with their partners and they either don't kiss or it's shit. For me kissing is very important, my ex H was the most awful kisser, think your first "winch" as a teenager mouth all going and tongue like a lizard. My DH is an amazing kisser, we are compatible in that department and it's always a huge part of foreplay.

Give him another few dates and see how you both go 🤗 x

HaggisBurger · 04/11/2021 16:16

God I think of one guy I saw briefly who was good at sex but actually did vacuum cleaner kisses. Like actually suction. Wtf? It was so odd.

Hadenough21 · 04/11/2021 16:24

I’d give it a few more kisses and see how it goes. Maybe he was nervous and that affected things. Incidentally I don’t think there a correlation personally between the quality of kissing and the sex - the 2 guys I’ve enjoyed kissing the most and had the best chemistry with the sex turned out to be massively disappointing. Just didn’t click in bed and they couldn’t seen to read me at all despite being amazing kissers. I remember being gutted and confused with both!

Bbub · 04/11/2021 16:25

Definitely give him another chance, my ex was terrible at first but soon adapted to me. Then the kissing was so amazing and sensual because we had great chemistry otherwise. Good luck OP!!

FabulousMrFifty · 04/11/2021 16:26

Maybe he is thinking the same, and didn’t like the way the OP kissed

MrsSchadenfreude · 04/11/2021 16:30

There is definitely such a thing as a bad kisser! There’s the “washing machine on spin cycle” where his tongue goes round and round your mouth at speed. There’s the “Tide Stick”, jabbing at you with a hard and pointy tongue. There’s also the “Broken washing machine” where his tongue sits in your mouth doing nothing except producing huge amounts of saliva.

MrsSchadenfreude · 04/11/2021 16:30

Maybe I’ve just been lucky? My GBF is the best snogger I know.

furbabymama87 · 04/11/2021 17:23

I don't think there's such a thing as a bad kisser. Inexperienced kissers can learn. I think if you weren't feeling the kiss, then it's down to the two of you being incompatible, rather than the problem being just him.

dailybrew · 04/11/2021 17:28

Okay...I met a man. We have had 2 dates. We get on very well and I do find him attractive BUT I have noticed he has bad breath!!
Aibu to just pull out of it??! I don't think I would have the balls to tell him!!

dailybrew · 04/11/2021 17:28

Sorry I meant to start a new post!!!

Original poster
sandy354 · 04/11/2021 19:25

@furbabymama87

I don't think there's such a thing as a bad kisser. Inexperienced kissers can learn. I think if you weren't feeling the kiss, then it's down to the two of you being incompatible, rather than the problem being just him.
I've said in my original post that I don't think there is such a thing as a bad kisser, it's more a case of different techniques, styles and compatibility. I just couldn't fit that in the subject heading.

I've also said myself in subsequent posts that he probably thought the same about me.

I wasn't criticising him, and wouldn't be offended if he thought the same of me. It's personal choice.

I was looking for views on whether it can change so I know if it's worth persevering

OP posts:
CosmicUnicorn · 04/11/2021 20:26

My husband couldn’t kiss to save his life! He said he couldn’t breathe and it affected his asthma. I was young and stupid. Like someone else said - how someone kisses can be a reflection of their sexual performance/level of passion. As a result, I stopped sex with him years ago and have lived in a sexless marriage for over a decade. I filed for divorce last December. I could kick myself for not doing it sooner!
Kissing is such a big turn on if done properly.

Virushell · 04/11/2021 20:26

@MrsSchadenfreude this really made me laugh, I know exactly what you mean and have experienced each of those, such brilliant descriptions!

MrsSchadenfreude · 04/11/2021 23:45

@Virushell oh no, there are more of them out there!

altmember · 05/11/2021 00:00

@MrsSchadenfreude

There is definitely such a thing as a bad kisser! There’s the “washing machine on spin cycle” where his tongue goes round and round your mouth at speed. There’s the “Tide Stick”, jabbing at you with a hard and pointy tongue. There’s also the “Broken washing machine” where his tongue sits in your mouth doing nothing except producing huge amounts of saliva.
So what's the description of a good kiss? Is it more tumble dryer, or perhaps dishwasher? Grin