I don’t want to be with him…

[Bush321]

Will try keep this short. But the issue I’m having has been long running. I met my partner a few years back, we lived separately. I was with my teenage daughter, he was on his own. We moved in together 2 years ago (after about two years of the relationship) into a lovely house and everything seemed great initially. I love my house, my daughters boyfriend now lives with us and we have extra room for me to have my own office. I work from home 12 hour shifts daily, but wen I’m not working I’m desperately miserable. If I leave the house on my day off I’m presented by days of questioning and sulking from him. So I’ve resorted to just staying in. I’ve put on a little weight, not anything drastic and would love to go out the house on my days off to exercise but I can’t stand the fall out afterwards. My daughter and her boyfriend work hard, on their days off they often stay up late watching movies/playing video games etc as it’s their time off. They do not make excessive noise, they never wake me. But every morning I’m greeted with angry outbursts from him about how they are out of control and need to be stopped. It’s draining the life out of me, he’s ruining any chance of happiness I could ever have now he’s trying to do it with them. I don’t want to spend time with him, I don’t want to go anywhere with him, the minute I finish work I want to go to my bed and read and be on my own. I’m on a day off today and I’m utterly miserable, I am unwell at the moment have some kind of sickness bug, was up through the night throwing up, he didn’t show any concern this morning, didn’t ask how I was just complained about the noise during the nite. I’ve asked him to leave twice this year resulting in him giving me my character packing his bags, guilt tripping me and not leaving. He claims to have no where to go. He has several family members in the same area, where as I have no one. My parents are both dead, this is my home, my daughters home. I pay for everything, he does work and contributes a little. I don’t want to leave. I just want him to be gone and to rest and dare I say it be able to leave the house without any repercussions. Please help

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/What-is-abuse

What is abuse?
Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour on the part of the abuser designed to control his partner. It can happen at any point in a relationship, including after you have split up.

Anyone forced to change their behaviour because they are frightened of their partner or ex-partner’s reaction is experiencing abuse.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, background, gender, religion, sexuality or ethnicity. However, statistics show most domestic abuse is carried out by men and experienced by women.

Domestic abuse is never the fault of the person who is experiencing it.

Domestic abuse is a crime.

Spotting the signs

•	Is your partner jealous and possessive?
•	Is he charming one minute and abusive the next?
•	Does he tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?
•	Does he constantly put you down?
•	Does he play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?
•	Does he control your money, or make sure you are dependent on him for everyday things?
•	Does he pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?
•	Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making him angry?
•	Does he control your access to medicine, devices or care that you need? 
•	Does he monitor or track your movements or messages?
•	Does he use anger and intimidation to frighten and control you?

Some nhs trusts have policies for supporting staff who are victims of domestic abuse. The one I worked for did and had a reputation for being helpful and supportive to staff in that situation. It was confidential of course
Practical support ( alarms etc) and someone to talk to
Might be worth a try

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You're going to have to be tough. You've clearly overcome so much in your life so why settle for this? You know what you need to do. Tell him to leave. Don't ask. Tell him. You could even pack his bags for him and lock the doors/get the locks changed. You absolutely do not have to put up with this. Think how much easier your life will be when you can breathe in your own home. Don't engage with him. Don't feel sympathy. Don't look for anywhere else for him. He's not your responsibility. He is sucking the very life out of you. As others have said, reach out to a few close friends. Explain, apologise and look to them for strength and support. Good friends will be right there for you and stand with you despite the past. Take back control. You've got this.

Dear lord he sounds disgusting. You have years and years ahead of you, just get him out. Just picture your own space, getting healthy and not being controlled any more. It can happen you can move on and have a great life the one you have worked hard for and deserve. You owe this waste of space nothing. Good luck OP stay strong some great advice on here from people who have been there.

You are in an abusive and controlling relationship. He is exerting coercive control over you. You need to contact Women's Aid and get some help and contact the police to make aware of potential violence the day you kick him out. You have to do this and stop living in fear

You lived separately before OP, so he is able to live elsewhere. Given him notice of a couple of weeks to get his act together and get out, whether that's staying with friends or family, or renting a room somewhere. Tell him quite firmly it's over, he has to leave, and you won't be changing your mind. Your life will be so much more peaceful once he's gone.

Hi OP,
I agree with everything everyone else has said so far : get rid!! No wonder he is paranoid about you going out and getting someone else - he’s a loser with nothing to offer anyone !

How are you feeling now OP? x

He is abusive
I’d focus on getting him out then get help for yourself. Give him 24 hours. Do it by text so you have evidence. Then call police. Once he is gone block him on everything, do something nice for yourself to celebrate and reclaim your life.

I’d stay single for a while. Men like this are experts at finding vulnerable women. You need time to work on your boundaries and self esteem
We are all behind you