I don’t want to be with him…

[Bush321]

Will try keep this short. But the issue I’m having has been long running. I met my partner a few years back, we lived separately. I was with my teenage daughter, he was on his own. We moved in together 2 years ago (after about two years of the relationship) into a lovely house and everything seemed great initially. I love my house, my daughters boyfriend now lives with us and we have extra room for me to have my own office. I work from home 12 hour shifts daily, but wen I’m not working I’m desperately miserable. If I leave the house on my day off I’m presented by days of questioning and sulking from him. So I’ve resorted to just staying in. I’ve put on a little weight, not anything drastic and would love to go out the house on my days off to exercise but I can’t stand the fall out afterwards. My daughter and her boyfriend work hard, on their days off they often stay up late watching movies/playing video games etc as it’s their time off. They do not make excessive noise, they never wake me. But every morning I’m greeted with angry outbursts from him about how they are out of control and need to be stopped. It’s draining the life out of me, he’s ruining any chance of happiness I could ever have now he’s trying to do it with them. I don’t want to spend time with him, I don’t want to go anywhere with him, the minute I finish work I want to go to my bed and read and be on my own. I’m on a day off today and I’m utterly miserable, I am unwell at the moment have some kind of sickness bug, was up through the night throwing up, he didn’t show any concern this morning, didn’t ask how I was just complained about the noise during the nite. I’ve asked him to leave twice this year resulting in him giving me my character packing his bags, guilt tripping me and not leaving. He claims to have no where to go. He has several family members in the same area, where as I have no one. My parents are both dead, this is my home, my daughters home. I pay for everything, he does work and contributes a little. I don’t want to leave. I just want him to be gone and to rest and dare I say it be able to leave the house without any repercussions. Please help

Does he never leave the house, shopping/ work/ socially?
Pick your moment, pack his bags and get rid

Bush you have been talking about problems with your relationship for several years. Just bite the bullet and get this man out of your life, he has added nothing to it for a long time

Thank you @Bush321ive never heard that phrase before.

So you are a Glaswegian that has overcome all that in your life. You are a strong lady. You can handle 1 50year old arsehole.

@Aquamarine1029

Time to hitch up your big girl pants and kick the twat out. Ignore his ramblings and excuses. It's your house, he leaves.

This made me giggle, thank u

Oh god. Why would you get with someone that old!! You’re not even mid 30s! He’s on his way to retirement and a smoker!! Ugh. You need rid. Send him an email. Tell him the relationship is over and he has 7 days to move out. This is just awful. Get him out. Tell him if he’s not gone by Saturday 13th November you will call the police to have him removed. This cannot continue. Once he’s gone never get with a bloke this old and feckless again. Stick to someone working full time in your age bracket. If he’s single late 40s early 50s there’s a reason!!!

Come on OP
You are so much better than this. He is a 50 year old loser and you have a great job and plenty of life ahead of you
His opinion doesn’t count here. Get rid of him ASAP

@beautifulview

Oh god. Why would you get with someone that old!! You’re not even mid 30s! He’s on his way to retirement and a smoker!! Ugh. You need rid. Send him an email. Tell him the relationship is over and he has 7 days to move out. This is just awful. Get him out. Tell him if he’s not gone by Saturday 13th November you will call the police to have him removed. This cannot continue. Once he’s gone never get with a bloke this old and feckless again. Stick to someone working full time in your age bracket. If he’s single late 40s early 50s there’s a reason!!!

I often think this. I have never been one for relationships always been happy on my own, I genuinely don’t kno how I ended up here. He almost had me feeling bad for him from the beginning. He’s never the kind of man I would choose to be with, and now I’ve lost myself tip toeing around him

You should feel so proud of what you have achieved so far in life OP.

You deserve better than him. He’s scum. Be firm, tell him your relationship is over, he needs to leave. If he doesn’t, call the police.
Contact womens aid for help. Explain to your friends.
Good luck

Reach out to a few friends to explain what has been happening, then take the advice on here and tell to leave.

Imagine the how free you will feel.

Do it today and start living your life again.

Thanks for all the replies, think everyone is unanimous on what needs to be done

You said you've got nobody who can be there to support you when you ask him to leave.

I know you almost certainly don't want to do this, and judging by your age it might not be helpful, but how old is your daughters boyfriend? Is he an adult? Does he have a couple of friends who could just be in the house in case you need anything?

He could just invite them round for pizza and some computer games but just knowing they're there might make you feel safer.

You are not being dramatic and your needs are important.

@girlmom21

You said you've got nobody who can be there to support you when you ask him to leave.

I know you almost certainly don't want to do this, and judging by your age it might not be helpful, but how old is your daughters boyfriend? Is he an adult? Does he have a couple of friends who could just be in the house in case you need anything?

He could just invite them round for pizza and some computer games but just knowing they're there might make you feel safer.

This is a good idea. You need to do it. You're so young!! You have your whole life ahead of you. And you have a good job, get rid of this abusive drain on your resources.

I threw exh out. Oh the absolute relief!! Hugging the TV remote. Bed to myself.. Peace. No huffing and puffing.
Incredible..
Get in the zone op...
The Getting My My Life Back Today Zone..
You bloody deserve it woman!!

You've got yourself a cock lodger.

And a controlling, miserable cock lodger at that.

You sound like a great woman, it's time to get rid of your big baby. I had to do the same. You will never ever regret it. Don't waste another day, week, month, year. Be brave and stick to your guns!

Think of the example you're setting for your daughter by allowing him to stay. He is coercively controlling you and only you have the power to break free.

Tell him to leave, lock the doors and don't let him back in. You deserve so much better. Wishing you lots of future happiness.

What would happen if you went out?

@Pumpkinsonparade

I threw exh out. Oh the absolute relief!! Hugging the TV remote. Bed to myself.. Peace. No huffing and puffing. Incredible.. Get in the zone op... The Getting My My Life Back Today Zone.. You bloody deserve it woman!!

Can I ask how u navigated it? Like how did u actually do it?

@Jengnr

What would happen if you went out?

It depends, a range of things have happened. There’s mood swings, ignoring me, accusing me of being with another man…

Bloody hell!

Tell him he has until 5pm on Friday to leave or you will call the police to remove him.

Where he goes is his problem.

Called him out one Sunday on some financial matters... Realised he had been screwing me over for about a year...
He sat drinking until he collapsed in bed fully clothed. I lay seething all night.. He left for work. I left for work and text him he had to move out. Came home from work and he had gone... Took my birthday gifts - it was 4 days before. So any lady who got perfume and a new phone off a new bf in 2012 - They were mine!!
What I got was much much better! Never seen him since that Sunday.. Not once. Filed for divorce and he didn't contest it.
He scuttled back to his dm's as was his mo...

@girlmom21

You said you've got nobody who can be there to support you when you ask him to leave.

I know you almost certainly don't want to do this, and judging by your age it might not be helpful, but how old is your daughters boyfriend? Is he an adult? Does he have a couple of friends who could just be in the house in case you need anything?

He could just invite them round for pizza and some computer games but just knowing they're there might make you feel safer.

He’s 18, although the times I’ve asked him to leave usually are quite traumatic. I don’t like my daughter to be here, he offend resorts to tears and threatening suicide

I have been in your position. I had to get friends round to help me and then changed the locks and then didn't engage. They always go through the rage and name calling followed by being extra nice and fake promises.

How old are your dd and her boyfriend? I would suggest that if they late teens, you talk to them and explain how you feel etc. I am sure they will support you. Also do you know anyone (friend or neighbour) who could be with you when kick him out? I wouldn't give any warning at all because at that point you will find it massively stressful and he will start intimidating you. Bag up his stuff, leave on doorstep, ignore. Have someone close by who will back you up. Call the police if necessary and definitely call the if he threatens anyone or damages anything (house, car etc). You will be SO much happier very quickly. He is using coercive control on you and if you tell the police this they will take it seriously. Good luck x

If he won't leave and is being dramatic call hwj police. Say you worry for his mh and you want him removed...
My exh took sleeping pills and went off wandering. I rang the police for a welfare check. They are supportive op.. Not just for emergency situations.. His suicide threats are all talk. And not up to you to be blackmailed into keeping him around.