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Original poster

Should I meet my ex?

28 replies

user1471519931 · 02/11/2021 23:58

I used to live abroad and had a relationship for couple of years with a totally unsuitable guy. We broke up and I moved on, moved back to UK and settled down, met Partner, have 2 kids etc

My ex has contacted me - very respectfully - he will be in my city for a week for work - he would like to meet up - partly to apologise for his behaviour during our relationship.

To be honest it's all water under the bridge and it's at least 10 years ago...! He actually did me a favour as we would never have been happy together long term. My dilemma is - is it ok to meet him and should I just explain all this to my Partner?

OP posts:
lonelySam · 03/11/2021 00:10

It's ok to meet him if you want to meet up with him but do tell your partner beforehand.

CatonMat · 03/11/2021 00:13

I can't see what is the gain from meeting him.
Do you think you'll become good friends, or meet up regularly when he's in your neck of the woods?

I would let sleeping dogs lie.

Anordinarymum · 03/11/2021 00:19

No. Do not entertain him at all.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 03/11/2021 00:26

What do you want to get out of meeting him? Doesn't sound like you parted on great terms.

I'd leave well enough alone. Even if you're open with your partner, he won't love the fact that you're going to meet this ex, with whom you've not had any friendship or anything in 10 years but happens to be in your area for a week.

If he wanted to apologise, why couldn't he do so in writing or on the phone over the last 10 years, why does it have to be in person?

I'd just say 'thanks for the apology, no hard feelings. Hope you enjoy your trip'.

Sounds like this is about him livening up a boring work trip, not putting things right with you.

Anordinarymum · 03/11/2021 00:31

He is an 'ex' for a reason. You do not go back. You have another life with someone else now. To me it is like being unfaithful if you agree to meet with him.

Bollindger · 03/11/2021 00:33

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Pinkbonbon · 03/11/2021 00:33

No. He is not meeting to appologise. He is looking for a shag.

Tell him it's all water under the bridge, that you haven't thought of him in years, thanks for getting I touch though and you wish him all the best and cheerio.

And that's that.

Peach01 · 03/11/2021 00:33

Why would you want to? You broke up 10 years ago because he was unsuitable. You now have a family. I'm not sure why you would contemplate meeting him? His reason is to apologise for his behaviour. I'm sure he could've done that in a message. Do you really require it anyway since your life has moved on? It seems odd he's reached out after 10 years when you're settled. I would keep him in your past.

samesign · 03/11/2021 00:37

No you shouldn't and I wouldn't of thought your partner would like it. Agree with pp he's looking for a hook up not to apologise

lotusgirl909 · 03/11/2021 00:39

You should both go and meet him.
He won't ask again

1MillionDollars · 03/11/2021 00:44

Why would you meet him. Why would you feel the need to hide it from partner?

MollysDolly · 03/11/2021 00:47

Should I explain all this to my partner?

Are you looking for validation to go in secret?You know there's more to it, or you wouldn't be wondering if you should keep it all quiet.

spotcheck · 03/11/2021 00:57

I've had this situation twice.

The first time, honestly was my ex wanting to apologise. There was no intention to hook up, or any nefarious reason. He genuinely wanted to say sorry for being a big ol' cheater. He had grown up and was sorry, and wanted to make amends.
It did me a world of good to hear his apology. I didn't think I needed it, but it was cathartic to hear it. We've kept in sporadic touch, and I like that we are peaceful with each other.

The second time was slightly different. He ( I thought) was ' the one that got away'. Well, I hate that sort of thinking, but there was a teeeeeeny part of me that wondered 'what if'.
Meeting him again put that to bed pretty quickly. He is a nice man, but we were now so different. That was cathartic too.

So, nothing wrong with meeting him. Or not. Doesn't mean you want to shag him, or he wants to shag you. Of course, tell you husband, and maybe have a set amount of time that you are available.

Would you wonder what he was going to say if you didn't meet him? I'd be so curious!

TurnUpTurnip · 03/11/2021 00:59

I don’t understand why you would want to

spotcheck · 03/11/2021 01:00

I mean, meeting the second one put the IDEA of him being 'the one that got away' to REST very quickly.
Dumb choice of words!! 😂

Valeriekat · 03/11/2021 08:18

No!

Theuniverseandeverything · 03/11/2021 08:20

I can’t see any reason why you would.

Marineboy67 · 03/11/2021 12:00

Not much point in it really. Tell your husband about it, his reaction will tell you all you need to know.

TheChip · 03/11/2021 12:06

What would be your reasons for agreeing to meet him if you did?

gannett · 03/11/2021 12:09

Doesn't matter what he wants out of it, what do you want?

If you want to hear him out because it might do you good to hear an apology, meet him.

If you like the idea of being on good terms and sporadic friends, meet him.

Obviously tell your partner first in both cases. And if you turn up and the ex just wants a shag, then you are at liberty to leave.

If you don't want to hear his apology and don't want him in your life even occasionally, don't meet him. You don't even have to reply.

If a tiny part of you is thinking it might be good for some excitement in your life, don't meet him.

FallonBeesley · 03/11/2021 12:14

Don’t even go there, don’t disrupt a happy family life with a nobody from 10 years ago.

Opentooffers · 03/11/2021 12:26

10 years on and I'd say he's still using a past situation for his own ends. So has he really changed from how you knew him?
Don't get sucked in to his drama world and cause unnecessary angst in your current better relationship. There is nothing to gain for you here, intruegeged though you might be as to how he now might look or what he could say - you could actually glean all that from a facetime chat these days, but I wouldn't bother with that either tbh. Just decline the meet ( and perhaps let him know how happy you are with life presently Wink)

Sally872 · 03/11/2021 12:29

Why bother? You don't seem to need the closure and I don't see what good can come of it. Whatever you do you should tell partner.

Munchkinpumpkin · 05/11/2021 20:43

Nope, disrespectful to ur partner

SarahBellam · 05/11/2021 20:49

Why would you want to? I love my partner and have zero interest in meeting up with any previous partners because there’s nothing they could offer me that I want now. I’m right where I want to be.