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Original poster

Called by the wrong name. What does it mean?

52 replies

IronMam · 01/11/2021 07:59

I went out last night with my bf of 2 years and a couple of his friends.

While we were out he said, "Look at this [ex girlfriend's name]"

I didn't say anything because we were with his friends.

We've been out in a group before and he didn't have these friends when he was with his ex gf so it wasn't an automatic association.

He was with her for 10 years and they split up around 12 years ago. No contact since.

I've read threads on here before asking if it's something to he concerned about. I think I've always assumed I wouldn't he bothered by a slip of the tongue but, now its happened, I feel weirdly odd about it. But I can't remember what the responses have been.

And I'm not sure why or what it means. I split up with my ex 9 years ago after 14 years together. I've never accidentally called anyone by his name and can't imagine a scenario when it would happen.

Is it something to he concerned about?

OP posts:
Hopeisallineed · 01/11/2021 08:04

Nope. Just a mistake.

Getbehindme · 01/11/2021 08:04

I did it once, I have no idea where it came from! It was a significant ex but from such a long time ago and I have moved so far along from it that it took me by surprise too! So hopefully just a slip of the tongue but I can imagine it doesn't feel great.

Miliao · 01/11/2021 08:06

I honestly think it’s a slip of the tongue - what else could it be? I broke up with my ex a decade ago and now married with children but I’ve caught myself nearly slipping up! What are you worried it means?

Original poster
IronMam · 01/11/2021 08:12

I don't know what I'm worried it means.

I certainly don't think he harbours any feelings for her. He mentions her name rarely and only ever in context of something he's done in the past when she was involved.

Maybe that he was having a nice time and he associated that with her?

Maybe the evening had reminded him of her in some way?

Maybe that she was on his mind for some reason?

I wouldn't say I'm 'worried' really. It just felt a bit odd

OP posts:
LindaEllen · 01/11/2021 08:13

My DP called me by his ex's name a couple of times when we first got together. They'd been together ages, it was just force of habit. Equally I did the same a couple of times to him. I absolutely hate my ex - so there's no way I wished I was with him or anything like that!

Icequeen01 · 01/11/2021 08:18

Slightly different but about a year ago someone on the telephone asked me for my full name. I gave my maiden name and I have been married for over 30 years! No idea where it came from and have never done it since.

I think it was just a mistake.

Original poster
IronMam · 01/11/2021 08:19

They've been split up for longer than they were together.

I think I've just been feeing like he's not really feeling it recently and it's fed into that a bit.

OP posts:
Booboo24 · 01/11/2021 08:20

I've been called by the ex's name a couple of times over the years we've been together (7) he split up with her 9 years ago but they have a child together so obviously there's contact. He also called me mum not so long ago!!! Same as me, I called him by my ex's name during an argument, luckily there was just an awkward silence for a moment! To be honest I've caught myself nearly using my ex's name a lot more times but managed to switch just in time, it means nothing, my ex and I were together from children until the age of 36, so even though we've been apart nearly 10 years, it is sometimes just a force of habit. I also call the cat by the kids names sometimes!

Original poster
IronMam · 01/11/2021 08:20

I don't think he wishes he was with her. Maybe just that he's not that fussed about me?

OP posts:
1MillionDollars · 01/11/2021 08:20

Ex used to call me by ex's name sometime.

Means nothing. If during hanky panky time, might have something to say about that.

CarpeVitam · 01/11/2021 08:22

@1MillionDollars

Ex used to call me by ex's name sometime.

Means nothing. If during hanky panky time, might have something to say about that.

Hanky panky? Confused
Original poster
IronMam · 01/11/2021 08:22

Well that's it. If he still had contact it would make sense. If they had a child and spoke regularly it would make sense. God, if we'd been having an argument it would make sense (I sometimes call my son by my younger brother's name when he's really annoying me Grin )

But we were out having a nice time and that's where his brain went.

OP posts:
Nietzschethehiker · 01/11/2021 08:25

The using of an exs name isn't an indicator in its own right. I was married to Exdh for a long time but have been split for years now and with DP and its happened with me. It really honestly has not a single meaning. Purely and utterly a slip of the tongue (for which I apologise). It can be something as simple as seeing something that vaguely reminds me of him and my brain doing to wierd rewire but there is absolutely no emotional connection. I don't do it very often at all but when it has happened it meant less than nothing.

However if you feel he has checked out that's the bit to explore. It probably has absolutely no connection to the ex, 3xplore with him what's going on in general but don't focus on the name. Unless you have reason to believe he is in contact with them its a red herring.

Original poster
IronMam · 01/11/2021 08:28

No. Absolutely no chance of them being in contact. It didn't end amicably and they've had no contact at all since.

Of course contact might have resumed but I'd be very surprised and have no reason to think that.

OP posts:
1MillionDollars · 01/11/2021 08:28

You are massively over thinking this.

RonSwansonsChair · 01/11/2021 08:31

As a one off I'd let it go, if it happens again ask him as to why.

Original poster
IronMam · 01/11/2021 08:31

It's more likely to be a negative association if anything. They had no connection at all by the end and he had no feelings for her.

Maybe I'm just overthinking it. Just trying to process my thoughts about it.

OP posts:
1MillionDollars · 01/11/2021 08:34

Massively over thinking. Are you generally an insecure person. I hope you've didn't make it a big deal with him.

Notonthestairs · 01/11/2021 08:35

I muddle names all the time when I'm tired. Personally I think you are over thinking because there is something else about the relationship that's bothering you - or like me you just over think!

Ughmaybenot · 01/11/2021 08:36

I personally think you’re probably overthinking this, sometimes there’s no real reason for making a mistake and misspeaking, it just happens.
If it was happening more often, maybe then it would be more concerning but I’d let this go myself.

StormBaby · 01/11/2021 08:39

I still after 6 years with my DH have to think before I call him, often!
If it were me I’d be upset but get over it. Not sure how I’d feel if it happened in bed though

PurBal · 01/11/2021 08:41

DH and my long term ex have the same name. That’s the only reason I haven’t made this mistake.

litterbird · 01/11/2021 08:42

Oh gosh I am terrible at names, I have almost used my exes name to my current boyfriend. It meant nothing, I just got a muddled...no feelings for ex, no wanting to go back it was just a mistake. I caught myself out just before I used the name!

QuestionNumberOne · 01/11/2021 08:48

I think the issue here is you were already feeling he was drifting away a bit.

The fact he called you by his ex’s name for the first time does feel significant. It might not be, of course, as PPs have said, but I think it warrants a wider convo - a check in about your relationship.

Original poster
IronMam · 01/11/2021 08:50

Thanks everyone.

I didn't mention it to him and he didn't say anything either although I could see by the look on his face he realised he'd done it.

I'll let it go unless it happens again.

OP posts:
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