Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Called by the wrong name. What does it mean?

52 replies

IronMam · 01/11/2021 07:59

I went out last night with my bf of 2 years and a couple of his friends.

While we were out he said, "Look at this [ex girlfriend's name]"

I didn't say anything because we were with his friends.

We've been out in a group before and he didn't have these friends when he was with his ex gf so it wasn't an automatic association.

He was with her for 10 years and they split up around 12 years ago. No contact since.

I've read threads on here before asking if it's something to he concerned about. I think I've always assumed I wouldn't he bothered by a slip of the tongue but, now its happened, I feel weirdly odd about it. But I can't remember what the responses have been.

And I'm not sure why or what it means. I split up with my ex 9 years ago after 14 years together. I've never accidentally called anyone by his name and can't imagine a scenario when it would happen.

Is it something to he concerned about?

OP posts:

Original poster

IronMam · 01/11/2021 08:51

But yes I definitely think a relationship check in is needed.

That'll be fun.

OP posts:

RobertsRadio · 01/11/2021 08:53

I did this once with a partner, called him the name of an ex I hadn't seen for years, and we were in bed. Was mortified, I have no idea why his name came up, there was an awkward silence, I then apologised and we laughed about it. But in my case my partner had no reason to think anything was going on, he trusted me and knew I hadn't see the ex for years. I think this seems to be that you think your partner's feelings towards you are cooling off and that this is a symptom of this.

1MillionDollars · 01/11/2021 08:54

Even if it happens again it means nothing. Just make a joke if it. Pick your battles and this really isn't one of them.

If you're upset by this then you're in trouble.

Original poster

IronMam · 01/11/2021 09:04

I've already said I'm not upset or worried. Just thought it was odd and wondered if I should he worried by it.

I think this seems to be that you think your partner's feelings towards you are cooling off and that this is a symptom of this.

Yes, it's more that than anything.

OP posts:

Marineboy67 · 01/11/2021 09:04

My girlfriends ex had the same name as me and she calls me the same all the time

EverybodyScream · 01/11/2021 09:08

I called my sister by my exs name twice yesterday. It was bizarre, no idea where it came from and it was very embarrassing. I just glitched!

Original poster

IronMam · 01/11/2021 09:18

@Marineboy67

My girlfriends ex had the same name as me and she calls me the same all the time

OP posts:

Gilles27 · 01/11/2021 09:25

My wife has called me by her ex's name a few times - but only when she was angry with me, so it seems that she obviously has negative feelings about him, which is fine by me. It also makes us laugh and stops the argument more quickly, so it's win-win!

RantyAunty · 01/11/2021 09:29

What else is going on in your relationship? Are there things you're not so happy about?

I've sometimes have called people by the wrong name, say the wrong word. I'm either distracted, tired, or tipsy.

Geriatric1234 · 01/11/2021 09:51

It means nothing. Literally nothing. I broke up with an ex when I was 28 - I am now 43 and I have called my DH of 3 years by that ex-BFs name at least half a dozen times. He's called me by his ex's name too including once in front of my family (they - and I - found it hilarious mainly because he was so mortified).

Whatever else might be going on, this truly isn't anything to worry about.

Sakurami · 01/11/2021 10:00

I did something similar this weekend even though I've been split with my ex for 4 years and I can't stand him. My bf also called me by his ex's name a few months ago in conversation. He didn't even notice.

I think our brains just has these shortcuts and I wouldn't worry about it.

OnceUponAThread · 01/11/2021 10:05

@Gilles27

This. DH has called me by EXW's name twice both during rows (they didn't get on by the end).

I think I'd struggle if he called me her name in bed, or in a super romantic moment. But the fact it has only happened when cross takes a lot of the heat / worry out of it.

TwinsandTrifle · 01/11/2021 10:10

I called DS "Hector" once, which is my nan's deceased cat from approx 10yrs ago.

No rhyme or reason.

Original poster

IronMam · 01/11/2021 10:13

It's all about context isn't it?

OP posts:

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 01/11/2021 10:16

My DH called me “squid” recently. He was planning to have squid for dinner and was hungry at the time

VienneseWhirligig · 01/11/2021 10:20

DH called me by his ex wife's name a couple of times, it didn't mean anything (he had been divorced for 10 years when we met and they did not get on at all). I often go through the names of all our family members when addressing DS (Jackie-Richard-Louise-Harry ) because my mind goes blank.

If it's becoming a habit though, may be more to it.

Chocaholic9 · 01/11/2021 10:20

I think it's just a mistake and doesn't mean anything. Unless it keeps happening, you should let it go.

Original poster

IronMam · 01/11/2021 10:25

We weren't having an argument and he wasn't cross.

OP posts:

Original poster

IronMam · 01/11/2021 10:26

@JesusSufferingFuck22

My DH called me “squid” recently. He was planning to have squid for dinner and was hungry at the time

OP posts:

stalkersaga · 01/11/2021 10:27

If I recall correctly, there's evidence to show that mentally we keep names in "buckets", i.e. romantic partners, dependents including DC and pets, bosses etc, and it's very common while distracted or otherwise engaged to pull the wrong name from the bucket, as anyone who has ever called the DC by a pet's name knows. It doesn't mean you were consciously thinking of that person at all. MIL often cycles through several of her 7 brothers' names before she gets DH's, because she has a rather large "family males I mother" bucket, but she never, ever calls FIL by DH's name, because he belongs in a different category (husbands).

It really doesn't mean anything, except that he accidentally got the wrong name out of his "romantic partners" bucket.

ravenmum · 01/11/2021 10:30

I've stumbled over my bf's name a couple of times, wanting to say my ex's name. I think it's because I now think of my bf as a fairly fixed partner (rather than a new date), and my brain has my ex's name stored under "fixed partner".
Agree that your interpretation of this says more than the fact he made the mistake.

Percypigg · 01/11/2021 10:43

I don't think it's an issue. It happens as PP have said. For example, I wonder if it was her birthday and that made him think of her?

The brain is a complex beast and maybe it was just an error.

As you said, it is all about context.

houseonthehill · 01/11/2021 12:45

Means nowt, and I don't think it has anything to do with context. I've done it a few times, my DP has done it a few times.

Ticksallboxes · 01/11/2021 13:54

I don't think it means anything at all.

Weirdly, when I first met my now DH, in our fist couple of years together I regularly called him by my ex-ex-boyfriend rather than my ex-boyfriend.

I've always stayed in touch with my ex-ex although in a completely platonic way (we always made better friends than lovers), so that may be why.

CoronaPeroni · 01/11/2021 14:02

At least you weren't standing at the altar and he called you Rachel

I have been with dp 40 years and about 3 times in the last year I have called him my ex-husband's name. It doesn't help that my mum has also done it recently! She has dementia though, I don't have the same excuse.

Flip

1 2 3