When do you draw the line?

[Themumroom1991]

I recently found out my husband slept with another woman when I was pregnant with our first child. He said that was the only time but weeks later I found out there was another two times and he withheld this from me because he was scared to lose me. We have 2 young children together. Before this, he's been great in every way (that I know of) but I can't seem to move past it. He says he did it because he was lonely and low with work stuff and felt he couldn't talk to me about this as he wanted to keep up an act of being okay and strong.

Have you forgiven a cheat, do you feel they've changed? They say you can come out of it stronger than ever but I don't know how you're supposed to fix it when it's broken.

Thank you x

OP - you know it was a minimum of three times. Work with this information.
I guarantee a part of you will want to convince yourself that three times is better than ten or better than him having a year long affair. I did the same. As my stbxh confessed to more infidelities, I moved the goalpost to justify staying.

I used to read threads on MN to find infidelity stories worse than mine. It was torture and damaging to my mental health. The trauma I felt in my body told me all I needed to know; that he was wrong for me and I needed to escape.

There is a saying "Sometimes the heart needs more time to accept what the mind already knows". I hope this resonates with you. It spoke volumes to me.

@girlmom21

He had sex with her twice when you were pregnant, clearly didn't feel any remorse because he shagged her again a year later, then pretends he ended it but has still been in contact with her since then?

Nope. No way. He'd be gone.

This.

He has told you the bare minimum, guaranteed. If he was remoreseful at all he would have

1. stopped after the first time
2. told you about it immediately
3. done everything in his power to fix his massive fuck up.

Instead hes

1. continued to lie
2. continued to fuck this woman
3. made himself out to be some sort of poor lonely victim here
4. Told you its ended and is expecting you to be ok with that.

He'd be long gone. I couldn't ever look at his face again if someone did that to me. Let alone live with or sleep with him.

As @youvegottenminuteslynn said

*So in his version of events, best case scenario, he shagged the same person (who he doesn't even fancy) twice when you were pregnant and again a year later because she 'put it on a plate' (he sounds like a nice misogynist there) and he wanted the attention?

That's best case, from his own mouth.*

He had sex with a friend when you were pregnant, because he was feeling low???? Feeling low doesn't mean you have to have sex with someone else. He's managed to make himself in to the victim in all this.

He had sex with someone else. Several times. At best 3. Likely more. He lied about it. Even after he'd told you he'd told you the truth. So you now know you can't trust him. He is capable of lying to you, and convincingly.

Even if you now have the full truth - he's still a cheat who you can't trust. He's still tainted your relationship forever.

But he's very likely not told you the full truth. And the awful thing is, you will never know.

One more point - if you'd felt a bit low and slept with a friend several times, and lied about it, would he be OK with that?