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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

controlling relationship, please help

58 replies

daysatthecircus · 28/10/2021 22:16

I'm in a controlling relationship, I've only just realised after being married for 15 years and two kids. I've always been frightened of my H but he upped the ante over lockdown and while he wasn't violent he certainly scared me (and the kids), shouting at me (and waking them) while I was asleep and so on, or sulking/silent for days on end. He also gaslit me massively, saying I was 'paranoid' about covid at the beginning and that it was 'my fantasy'.

Don't get me wrong there have been long patches of normality, almost happiness. Now I've realised what he's like though I remember the start of our relationship and it shocks me. He assaulted me very early on and I called the police. He also literally trapped me in the relationship, hiding my phone and stopping me from leaving the house. He wouldn't do that now, of course, as I am more broadly 'trapped' with marriage and kids, but remembering it is making me shocked how badly I was abused.

Things seem 'normal' almost to an outside, they'd think he was a nice man and the kids are flourishing (and I work so hard to keep them away from his moods). It's a huge shock to me and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
NewlySingle2021 · 29/10/2021 07:53

In this situation I'd advise against therapy as a pp suggested. I was in a similar situation and was doing online therapy and I had actually made up my mind to leave horrible gaslighting coercive husband. At that point I hadn't yet realised I was being abused, I just knew I was miserable.

When I discussed this leaving plan with the counsellor, mainly due to not being able to trust H ever again after a particularly shitty thing he did, she suggested I was 'reacting to the past' and to try to move on etc etc plus Stb exH was begging for another chance after I got up the courage to tell him it was over. So because I felt pressured by him and like she thought I shouldn't leave, I stayed for another few shitty months before snapping out of it. It became clear that I had been financially and emotionally abused for years. A few things clicked into place and I had to accept it. I really got angry when I realised not only had H gaslighted me for years but sort of the counsellor did too! So what if it's the past he did X Y and Z horrendous things, it still happened and I'm fucking allowed to have feelings about it! Not pretend I'm fine and it never happened.

When I first planned to leave I did a benefits calculator on entitledto and started squirrelling money away from our joint account - I had no money of my own. I managed to save enough for a solicitor to draw up a separation agreement as a basis for eventual divorce, but first I spoke to many different solicitors who were happy to have a quick chat for free. They were much more helpful than my counsellor. When it's safe, could you do that too and get some idea of your position?

Good luck. Suddenly realising you are being abused is life changing, and a lot to cope with. You will be ok, and you'll be so much happier once you get plans in place.

daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 07:57

We rent. I work p/t in a non-permanent job, but I do have a bit of my own savings. H earns very well.

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daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 07:59

Yes that’s right @NewlySingle2021 it is life changing. I’m sorry you went through that. And I also agree that there’s no getting past things that happened. Fundamentally you find you’re with someone who frightens you.

OP posts:
daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 08:00

@GoodnightGrandma

Well done for calling the police that time. If you feel frightened or threatened by him call them again. Do you have any family you can confide in ?
I had to call them, I was in serious danger.
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daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 08:10

Also @NewlySingle2021 that doesn’t make any sense. If someone had suffered abuse growing up (ie also a long time ago) it’d be taken very seriously so the same should be for abuse in earlier stages of a relationship. I’m reeling from the whole thing, it’s just unfathomable

OP posts:
Hehx3 · 29/10/2021 08:21

Hi Op, I was were you are. Im the same and was shocked how could I even not see it but loads is conditioning so don't blame yourself. I would strongly recommend therapy to untangle past it will also allow you to understand present and then you will know what you want in your future. I do also had solicitor to deal with practicalities as he was a bully and I was struggling. Try to find support in real life, don't cover him, If you have a friend speak with them but make sure they are emotionally healthy. Women's aid helped me as well - I needed to hear from outside it is bad as I no longer trusted myself. Its possible to break from it and do it, you deserve so much more, life is brighter on the other side. Wish you all the best ♥️

daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 08:24

I’m so sorry you went through this @Hehx3. Did you have children in this situation? To be honest without them I’d be gone today, into any shared house/friend’s sofa

OP posts:
ImJustMum · 29/10/2021 08:31

You can still call the police now, hes still abusive and they will definitely come out. You can ask to meet them at the station or elsewhere if not at home. If hes already show himself to be violent, is there a possibility of arranging to move out either to a rental or with family while hes out, just to get away from him safely? Good luck, its a journey but youll get there x

Hehx3 · 29/10/2021 08:43

Yeah I have 2 lovely boys, I did worry mainly about them and changes it would all bring and even though for a short time it was difficult in long therm turned out so good 😁They are flourishing now, so so so much better, excelling, happy, plus they have a healthy, happy mum. I
I know what you mean but try to flip it in your head and find a strength in doing it for them as well as for yourself.
Its all experience, it shit it happens, you dont expect it from your significant other. I am now different, confident, less anxious person as I learnt I can deal with anything - its a silver lining to break from abuse.

category12 · 29/10/2021 08:49

@daysatthecircus

I’m so sorry you went through this *@Hehx3*. Did you have children in this situation? To be honest without them I’d be gone today, into any shared house/friend’s sofa
Actually your children are a good reason to flee with them, just as you would on your own.

He's a dangerous man, and I don't think it's safe for you to split in situ. You're at greatest risk from a violent abusive partner when trying to leave.

If you can see a solicitor on the quiet, without him realising, then fine. But really take it seriously that he will absolutely use violence like he did before and consider a refuge.

daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 08:54

I am really hoping that as he has a job that is very visible to the community and his reputation is precious to him, that he will now not be violent out of fear his whole life will crumble down.

OP posts:
Coldiron · 29/10/2021 08:56

I found my solicitor on a local Facebook page. Someone else had asked for a recommendation, lots of women recommended my solicitor and a couple of blokes said he was a nightmare and had completely fleeced them, which sounded like a good start!

daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 08:57

Haha amazing @Coldiron!

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Coldiron · 29/10/2021 08:57

I should clarify the blokes said he had been acting for their ex wives

category12 · 29/10/2021 09:02

@daysatthecircus

I am really hoping that as he has a job that is very visible to the community and his reputation is precious to him, that he will now not be violent out of fear his whole life will crumble down.
I wouldn't risk your life on it.
Dery · 29/10/2021 09:20

You have said several times that you are very scared of your partner. That fear is well-founded and also has absolutely no place in a relationship. My DH and I have had some fierce arguments over the years. I'm not remotely scared of him. So it's great that you've realised you need to get away. He's been in your head all these years minimising and normalising abuse (there's a book about this: In The Mind of the Intimate Male Abuser: How He Gets Into Her Head) so it's great that you're able to see so clearly now.

As regards therapy - I think the people who are recommending it mean for you to have therapy alone. It is a very bad idea to have therapy with an abusive partner - it should never be done.

As to his public reputation - it's common for abusers to build a very respectable public reputation, it's like a smokescreen. But that doesn't mean that in the moment he won't lose it with you and do serious physical harm to you and/or your children. As PP have said, abusers are at their most dangerous when they sense they're losing control. For this reason - KEEP YOUR PLANS SECRET, do NOT tell him what you're doing. You need to get out first. Your and your children's safety is the most important thing here.

Women's Aid has lots of useful information (www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/#1447926965295-8f67f8a6-62c7) including how to pack in order to flee an abusive relationship and about having an emergency bag with all the most important things packed away. If you can safely keep and store an emergency bag that would be worth doing. Another thing some posters have talked about doing as they plan their escape is saying they're having a clear-out, putting things in binliners and taking them to a friend or family member to store.

But in the end, documents and things can be replaced. You and your children can't. So prioritise getting yourself and them out safely.

With that in mind, remember to wipe your browsing history every time you look up something related to getting away including your mumsnet browsing history.

I have reproduced the Women's Aid list below for your ease of reference:

"Ideally, you need to take all the following items with you if you leave. Some of these items you can try to keep with you at all times; others you may be able to pack in your “emergency bag”.

Some form of identification
Birth certificates for you and your children.
Passports (including passports for all your children), visas and work permits.
Money, bankbooks, cheque book and credit and debit cards.
Keys for house, car, and place of work. (You could get an extra set of keys cut, and put them in your emergency bag.)
Cards for payment of Child Benefit and any other welfare benefits you are entitled to.
Driving licence (if you have one) and car registration documents, if applicable.
Prescribed medication.
Copies of documents relating to your housing tenure (for example, mortgage details or lease and rental agreements).
Insurance documents, including national insurance number.
Address book.
Family photographs, your diary, jewellery, small items of sentimental value.
Clothing and toiletries for you and your children.
Your children’s favourite small toys.
You should also take any documentation relating to the abuse – e.g. police reports, court orders such as injunctions and restraining orders, and copies of medical records if you have them."

daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 09:22

Thank you. He doesn’t have any of my logins thankfully and nor could he guess them.

OP posts:
Animood · 29/10/2021 09:24

Do you have access to any money OP?

Honestly in your situation, I'd wait until out of earshot, call women's aid and leave ASAP with their assistance.

Then I'd speak to a solicitor.

How dare he treat you like this? It's not right!

Dery · 29/10/2021 09:24

That's good.

Good luck, OP.

Mix56 · 29/10/2021 09:59

This wont get fixed immediately. Other than you contacting WA & getting a place inn refuge with DC
SO the starting point is gettin information.
Making a aptmt withe the CAB re benefits, housing etc
Researching & visiting a domestic abuse savvy lawyer.
Copying all the documents you can find.
His payslips, tax return, pension, life insurance, bank accounts...
Making copies & storing them outside of your home ( at work, or trusted friend)
Make a new bank account, move your money to it & do not get paper statements
Change all your passwords, phone, computer, gmail, fb, etc & check that he does not have access to your cloud, ( with your messages popping up on his ipad etc)
Information is power, you need to take one step at a time, but you will get your kids & yourself out of there.

daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 10:55

Yes, thanks

OP posts:
KubelkoBondy · 29/10/2021 12:41

Hi
You can go onto the Law Society website and search for a Family Lawyer who specialises in Domestic Abuse in your area.

daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 14:53

Thank you. Is there any advantage to getting a solicitor first?

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Mix56 · 29/10/2021 15:52

No ideally you need to gather as much info as possible with regards to your finances.
If finances are no issue, then you need info on how to keep safe.
You should contact WA & get the vital info for you & your DC
This may include reporting domestic abuse to the police.
You need to get your ducks in a row

daysatthecircus · 29/10/2021 19:51

Thanks, I will do.

I just feel very sad. He's been so unpleasant and now is pretending to be almost nice (not to me but to the kids). It's hard and horrible.

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